Nice People Aren't Healthy (Hot Take) | Webinar

[music] [music] [music] What's up everyone? Welcome back to What's up everyone? Welcome back to What's up everyone? Welcome back to another episode. I am already laughing another episode. I am already laughing another episode. I am already laughing because I have no [  ] clue what this because I have no [  ] clue what this because I have no [  ] clue what this podcast is about. And Nick is about to podcast is about. And Nick is about to podcast is about. And Nick is about to just drop some bombs and we're going to just drop some bombs and we're going to just drop some bombs and we're going to go from there. [laughter] go from there. [laughter] go from there. [laughter] So Nicole usually does this to me. She's So Nicole usually does this to me. She's So Nicole usually does this to me. She's like, "Get on. We're doing a podcast." like, "Get on. We're doing a podcast." like, "Get on. We're doing a podcast." I'm like, "Well, what are we talking I'm like, "Well, what are we talking I'm like, "Well, what are we talking about?" She's like, "Doesn't matter about?" She's like, "Doesn't matter about?" She's like, "Doesn't matter with it." with it." with it." I was like, "Okay." So almost every I was like, "Okay." So almost every I was like, "Okay." So almost every podcast that we do is improv to me. Now podcast that we do is improv to me. Now podcast that we do is improv to me. Now it's time to reverse the role. it's time to reverse the role. it's time to reverse the role. Today we are going to celebrate the Today we are going to celebrate the Today we are going to celebrate the holiday season, Santa Claus, Christmas holiday season, Santa Claus, Christmas holiday season, Santa Claus, Christmas with the theme, are you naughty or are with the theme, are you naughty or are with the theme, are you naughty or are you nice? you nice? you nice? Oh god. Okay. Oh god. Okay. Oh god. Okay. Which list? Which list are you on? Which list? Which list are you on? Which list? Which list are you on? Are you asking me? Are you asking me? Are you asking me? Yeah. Which list are you on? Yeah. Which list are you on? Yeah. Which list are you on? Oh. Oh. Oh. I don't know. I'm going to go right in I don't know. I'm going to go right in I don't know. I'm going to go right in the middle. the middle. the middle. You're not naughty or nice. You're not naughty or nice. You're not naughty or nice. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] It sounds so dirty. It sounds so dirty. It sounds so dirty. [clears throat] [clears throat] [clears throat] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] I think I'm I think I'm both is what I'm I think I'm I think I'm both is what I'm I think I'm I think I'm both is what I'm trying to say. trying to say. trying to say. This is how professional we are. This is how professional we are. This is how professional we are. [laughter] This is like naughty or nice. This is so This is like naughty or nice. This is so This is like naughty or nice. This is so dirty. dirty. dirty. Dirty mom. This is this podcast might Dirty mom. This is this podcast might Dirty mom. This is this podcast might really show my level of maturity because really show my level of maturity because really show my level of maturity because it's pretty low. [laughter] [gasps] [gasps] [gasps] So listeners, I want you to pause for a So listeners, I want you to pause for a So listeners, I want you to pause for a second and ask yourself, am I naughty or second and ask yourself, am I naughty or second and ask yourself, am I naughty or am I nice? Which list would I be on? am I nice? Which list would I be on? am I nice? Which list would I be on? Take a moment. Be honest with yourself. [snorts] So [snorts] So [snorts] So I didn't think that you were going to I didn't think that you were going to I didn't think that you were going to pick both. If you did pick both, pick both. If you did pick both, pick both. If you did pick both, you're wanting to talk about [  ] you're wanting to talk about [  ] you're wanting to talk about [  ] duality, don't you? duality, don't you? duality, don't you? If you did pick [laughter] both, If you did pick [laughter] both, If you did pick [laughter] both, you took the correct answer. you took the correct answer. you took the correct answer. Is But what's [  ] up about, you know, Is But what's [  ] up about, you know, Is But what's [  ] up about, you know, parents today and Christmas and you parents today and Christmas and you parents today and Christmas and you know, you're you're supposed to be on know, you're you're supposed to be on know, you're you're supposed to be on the nice list, the nice list, the nice list, which means which means which means Are you laughing? Because the Italians Are you laughing? Because the Italians Are you laughing? Because the Italians love to threaten their kids who father love to threaten their kids who father love to threaten their kids who father Christmas Christmas Christmas so much. But I mean in America so much. But I mean in America so much. But I mean in America they tortured in America they tortured in America they tortured in America we have Elf on the Shelf in America. You we have Elf on the Shelf in America. You we have Elf on the Shelf in America. You know know know I don't know what that is. I don't care. I don't know what that is. I don't care. I don't know what that is. I don't care. Same same but different. Same same but different. Same same but different. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's still just a way to like you know It's still just a way to like you know It's still just a way to like you know if he don't act well you're not going to if he don't act well you're not going to if he don't act well you're not going to get the presents and blah blah blah. get the presents and blah blah blah. get the presents and blah blah blah. So it's it's impossible to live a So it's it's impossible to live a So it's it's impossible to live a one-sided life. You know you're not just one-sided life. You know you're not just one-sided life. You know you're not just nice. You're mean too. And you're not nice. You're mean too. And you're not nice. You're mean too. And you're not just mean, you're nice, too. Even if you just mean, you're nice, too. Even if you just mean, you're nice, too. Even if you take some time and look at somebody that take some time and look at somebody that take some time and look at somebody that you [  ] hate and resent, you [  ] hate and resent, you [  ] hate and resent, they're not mean all the time. They've they're not mean all the time. They've they're not mean all the time. They've done nice things. done nice things. done nice things. They've if you if you take enough time They've if you if you take enough time They've if you if you take enough time or if you had somebody else help you or if you had somebody else help you or if you had somebody else help you because you might be so polarized you because you might be so polarized you because you might be so polarized you can't see, but I'm sure they've actually can't see, but I'm sure they've actually can't see, but I'm sure they've actually done nice things to you. They haven't done nice things to you. They haven't done nice things to you. They haven't just been naughty. just been naughty. just been naughty. Well, it's interesting because I'll give Well, it's interesting because I'll give Well, it's interesting because I'll give you guys a funny story really quick you guys a funny story really quick you guys a funny story really quick because this is a lot of what D Martini because this is a lot of what D Martini because this is a lot of what D Martini talks about, which the first time you go talks about, which the first time you go talks about, which the first time you go to a D Martini event, especially the to a D Martini event, especially the to a D Martini event, especially the Breakthrough Experience, um depending on Breakthrough Experience, um depending on Breakthrough Experience, um depending on how polarized you are, if you're like how polarized you are, if you're like how polarized you are, if you're like everything is bad or everything is good, everything is bad or everything is good, everything is bad or everything is good, um you could feel like you got hit by a um you could feel like you got hit by a um you could feel like you got hit by a [  ] Mac truck when you go to his [  ] Mac truck when you go to his [  ] Mac truck when you go to his event because he just schools you event because he just schools you event because he just schools you and gosh, I don't even remember what and gosh, I don't even remember what and gosh, I don't even remember what year it was, but it was it was a long year it was, but it was it was a long year it was, but it was it was a long time ago that I went to the first event time ago that I went to the first event time ago that I went to the first event and um I had the luxury of D. Martini and um I had the luxury of D. Martini and um I had the luxury of D. Martini sitting down in front of me and helping sitting down in front of me and helping sitting down in front of me and helping me work through and I was I was working me work through and I was I was working me work through and I was I was working through um a person from my past who I through um a person from my past who I through um a person from my past who I perceived as bad. Um they, you know, perceived as bad. Um they, you know, perceived as bad. Um they, you know, they were only bad. They were one-sided. they were only bad. They were one-sided. they were only bad. They were one-sided. They were an [  ] They were this. They were an [  ] They were this. They were an [  ] They were this. They were that. And um he's he's asking They were that. And um he's he's asking They were that. And um he's he's asking me all these questions to help me see me all these questions to help me see me all these questions to help me see the you know the other side. But the the you know the other side. But the the you know the other side. But the main thing he was probing he was trying main thing he was probing he was trying main thing he was probing he was trying he was pretty much saying that whatever he was pretty much saying that whatever he was pretty much saying that whatever you judge or you uh vilify would that be you judge or you uh vilify would that be you judge or you uh vilify would that be the right word? Like whatever you see as the right word? Like whatever you see as the right word? Like whatever you see as like the you know the villain behavior like the you know the villain behavior like the you know the villain behavior is like you you have those traits. So if is like you you have those traits. So if is like you you have those traits. So if you think a person, you know, is a is a you think a person, you know, is a is a you think a person, you know, is a is a bad person, they're a mean person, bad person, they're a mean person, bad person, they're a mean person, they're a greedy person, they're, you they're a greedy person, they're, you they're a greedy person, they're, you know, whatever, you own those traits. know, whatever, you own those traits. know, whatever, you own those traits. You the only reason you can judge them You the only reason you can judge them You the only reason you can judge them is because you are them. And I was like, is because you are them. And I was like, is because you are them. And I was like, I would never act that way, the way he I would never act that way, the way he I would never act that way, the way he treated me. I would never treat someone treated me. I would never treat someone treated me. I would never treat someone like that. And he looked at me, he goes, like that. And he looked at me, he goes, like that. And he looked at me, he goes, "Man, you are a stubborn little bitch." "Man, you are a stubborn little bitch." "Man, you are a stubborn little bitch." D Martini, straight to my face. I took D Martini, straight to my face. I took D Martini, straight to my face. I took it like a champ, but I'll never forget it like a champ, but I'll never forget it like a champ, but I'll never forget it for my whole life. And essentially is it for my whole life. And essentially is it for my whole life. And essentially is because I was just pushing back. I was because I was just pushing back. I was because I was just pushing back. I was like, "No, no, I I have never done like, "No, no, I I have never done like, "No, no, I I have never done that." And so, you know, when somebody that." And so, you know, when somebody that." And so, you know, when somebody sits there and calls you a separate sits there and calls you a separate sits there and calls you a separate little [  ] you think about it later. little [  ] you think about it later. little [  ] you think about it later. Uh even though in that moment it was Uh even though in that moment it was Uh even though in that moment it was like, "Oh, [  ] you, man." like, "Oh, [  ] you, man." like, "Oh, [  ] you, man." But he took you through a where you were But he took you through a where you were But he took you through a where you were doing that just in a different part of doing that just in a different part of doing that just in a different part of your life. Y your life. Y your life. Y you know, because you know, because you know, because Yep. Yep. Yep. You know, in that moment Yep. Yep. Yep. You know, in that moment Yep. Yep. Yep. You know, in that moment we were younger. We weren't as open and we were younger. We weren't as open and we were younger. We weren't as open and balanced. Hadn't done as much work, but balanced. Hadn't done as much work, but balanced. Hadn't done as much work, but we were, you know, holistic. So, it's we were, you know, holistic. So, it's we were, you know, holistic. So, it's easy to judge the other pharmaceutical easy to judge the other pharmaceutical easy to judge the other pharmaceutical is the medical system. So, you know, is the medical system. So, you know, is the medical system. So, you know, where were you judging this? How are you where were you judging this? How are you where were you judging this? How are you judging that? Are you judging fast food? [music] Are you judging chemicals in food? are Are you judging chemicals in food? are Are you judging chemicals in food? are you judging all these things like are you judging all these things like are you judging all these things like are you judging people you know the short you judging people you know the short you judging people you know the short fix with a pill to cover up symptoms fix with a pill to cover up symptoms fix with a pill to cover up symptoms instead of actually you know healing instead of actually you know healing instead of actually you know healing themselves and working through stuff and themselves and working through stuff and themselves and working through stuff and you like then I was like oh okay well you like then I was like oh okay well you like then I was like oh okay well maybe I am an [  ] too maybe I am an [  ] too maybe I am an [  ] too it's funny because I was thinking about it's funny because I was thinking about it's funny because I was thinking about this literally the other day I didn't this literally the other day I didn't this literally the other day I didn't say it out loud but in our business we say it out loud but in our business we say it out loud but in our business we we determined the core values of our we determined the core values of our we determined the core values of our company and we did it by reverse company and we did it by reverse company and we did it by reverse engineering and it was primarily the engineering and it was primarily the engineering and it was primarily the things that pissed me off the most done things that pissed me off the most done things that pissed me off the most done by the employees and that helps you when by the employees and that helps you when by the employees and that helps you when you reverse engineer it understand what you reverse engineer it understand what you reverse engineer it understand what the core values are and essentially um the core values are and essentially um the core values are and essentially um how you do anything is how you how you how you do anything is how you how you how you do anything is how you how you do everything um and it it was it was do everything um and it it was it was do everything um and it it was it was essentially like hold yourself to a high essentially like hold yourself to a high essentially like hold yourself to a high standard don't ever don't cut corners standard don't ever don't cut corners standard don't ever don't cut corners and I that was the standard that I held and I that was the standard that I held and I that was the standard that I held in the business because I felt that we in the business because I felt that we in the business because I felt that we you know it was important to to give you know it was important to to give you know it was important to to give your best never cut corners ers because your best never cut corners ers because your best never cut corners ers because this is going to help someone have great this is going to help someone have great this is going to help someone have great outcomes when it comes to their health outcomes when it comes to their health outcomes when it comes to their health and wellness journey. And then I was and wellness journey. And then I was and wellness journey. And then I was doing so so we just lost our our uh doing so so we just lost our our uh doing so so we just lost our our uh opair in the house who was helping us opair in the house who was helping us opair in the house who was helping us with like all the house stuff which I with like all the house stuff which I with like all the house stuff which I [  ] loathe and um I was doing [  ] loathe and um I was doing [  ] loathe and um I was doing something and I was like oh my god I something and I was like oh my god I something and I was like oh my god I literally cut all the corners when it literally cut all the corners when it literally cut all the corners when it comes to like things in the house comes to like things in the house comes to like things in the house because I just [  ] hate it. I just I because I just [  ] hate it. I just I because I just [  ] hate it. I just I I hate doing dishes. I hate loading a I hate doing dishes. I hate loading a I hate doing dishes. I hate loading a dishwasher. I hate doing law. I hate I dishwasher. I hate doing law. I hate I dishwasher. I hate doing law. I hate I just despise it. And so just despise it. And so just despise it. And so so now I put on the the maid skirt and so now I put on the the maid skirt and so now I put on the the maid skirt and you know I'm I'm in the corner dusting you know I'm I'm in the corner dusting you know I'm I'm in the corner dusting and you know putting dishes away. and you know putting dishes away. and you know putting dishes away. So it's it's just interesting because I So it's it's just interesting because I So it's it's just interesting because I will hold myself to the highest standard will hold myself to the highest standard will hold myself to the highest standard in certain aspects of life and then in certain aspects of life and then in certain aspects of life and then there's other aspects of life that I'm there's other aspects of life that I'm there's other aspects of life that I'm just like I'm going to cut corners just like I'm going to cut corners just like I'm going to cut corners because I don't like this and I just because I don't like this and I just because I don't like this and I just want it to be over. [laughter] want it to be over. [laughter] want it to be over. [laughter] So it just goes back to the example. So it just goes back to the example. So it just goes back to the example. [clears throat] [clears throat] [clears throat] One of the things that you said there, One of the things that you said there, One of the things that you said there, which I don't think people realize how which I don't think people realize how which I don't think people realize how important it was, is when you judge important it was, is when you judge important it was, is when you judge someone else, when you see something in someone else, when you see something in someone else, when you see something in someone else, it's only because you have someone else, it's only because you have someone else, it's only because you have that same trait. Different form usually, that same trait. Different form usually, that same trait. Different form usually, but you have the same trait. And this is but you have the same trait. And this is but you have the same trait. And this is the part of healing, which if you go the part of healing, which if you go the part of healing, which if you go back and listen to our past podcast, back and listen to our past podcast, back and listen to our past podcast, you know, we went into a lot of you know, we went into a lot of you know, we went into a lot of different angles of it, but different angles of it, but different angles of it, but the mind dictates the expression of the the mind dictates the expression of the the mind dictates the expression of the body. And the body's just giving us body. And the body's just giving us body. And the body's just giving us feedback through symptoms. feedback through symptoms. feedback through symptoms. Those symptoms are just saying, "Hey, Those symptoms are just saying, "Hey, Those symptoms are just saying, "Hey, you haven't learned how to love this you haven't learned how to love this you haven't learned how to love this part of you." And you tend to judge it. part of you." And you tend to judge it. part of you." And you tend to judge it. You tend to take it out on somebody You tend to take it out on somebody You tend to take it out on somebody else. You know, it's like you lost your else. You know, it's like you lost your else. You know, it's like you lost your [  ] on Q. Like it was it's none of [  ] on Q. Like it was it's none of [  ] on Q. Like it was it's none of those things are bad. It's just those things are bad. It's just those things are bad. It's just different forms for you to work through different forms for you to work through different forms for you to work through an aspect of yourself that you haven't an aspect of yourself that you haven't an aspect of yourself that you haven't brought into balance. The homeostasis. brought into balance. The homeostasis. brought into balance. The homeostasis. you haven't, you know, healed it cuz you haven't, you know, healed it cuz you haven't, you know, healed it cuz there's nothing to forgive. There's there's nothing to forgive. There's there's nothing to forgive. There's nothing to forget about. It's just nothing to forget about. It's just nothing to forget about. It's just understanding that understanding that understanding that you are split quote unquote the stress you are split quote unquote the stress you are split quote unquote the stress of duality. But to bring that back into of duality. But to bring that back into of duality. But to bring that back into healing, we need to come back into healing, we need to come back into healing, we need to come back into gratitude, thankfulness, and love, gratitude, thankfulness, and love, gratitude, thankfulness, and love, unconditional love. And part of what unconditional love. And part of what unconditional love. And part of what you're talking about is how you do you're talking about is how you do you're talking about is how you do anything is how you do everything. Well, anything is how you do everything. Well, anything is how you do everything. Well, that's connected to your conditional that's connected to your conditional that's connected to your conditional love, not the unconditional love. love, not the unconditional love. love, not the unconditional love. Because you don't want to Because you don't want to Because you don't want to put your best into doing the dishes. You put your best into doing the dishes. You put your best into doing the dishes. You want to put your best into being an want to put your best into being an want to put your best into being an entrepreneur, into being a doctor, into entrepreneur, into being a doctor, into entrepreneur, into being a doctor, into being a mom. You know, probably being a mom. You know, probably being a mom. You know, probably my values. my values. my values. Probably number 18 is, you know, to Probably number 18 is, you know, to Probably number 18 is, you know, to being a wife, you know. [groaning] being a wife, you know. [groaning] being a wife, you know. [groaning] Dig dig dig. Dig dig dig. Dig dig dig. I [snorts] know where I am, where I I [snorts] know where I am, where I I [snorts] know where I am, where I land. But so this this whole theme was land. But so this this whole theme was land. But so this this whole theme was understanding that this naughty or nice understanding that this naughty or nice understanding that this naughty or nice concept, it it can be fun to play with concept, it it can be fun to play with concept, it it can be fun to play with it, but it, but it, but consciously as consciously as parents, consciously as consciously as parents, consciously as consciously as parents, don't overuse it to dictate how your don't overuse it to dictate how your don't overuse it to dictate how your kids act because it's it seems like such kids act because it's it seems like such kids act because it's it seems like such a light little thing, but it's going to a light little thing, but it's going to a light little thing, but it's going to [  ] them up because [laughter] [  ] them up because [laughter] [  ] them up because [laughter] you you're putting an expectation that you you're putting an expectation that you you're putting an expectation that they should always be nice And it's like they should always be nice And it's like they should always be nice And it's like don't don't try to control somebody else don't don't try to control somebody else don't don't try to control somebody else through an external means like through an external means like through an external means like you say that because we've done values you say that because we've done values you say that because we've done values on so many people and Nick and I kind of on so many people and Nick and I kind of on so many people and Nick and I kind of take two different approaches when we take two different approaches when we take two different approaches when we help people know their personal values help people know their personal values help people know their personal values and I swear it's like 99% of the people and I swear it's like 99% of the people and I swear it's like 99% of the people that we've done values with kindness that we've done values with kindness that we've done values with kindness they they they presume that kindness is they they they presume that kindness is they they they presume that kindness is a top value and one so much of that is a top value and one so much of that is a top value and one so much of that is dictating hated by what they've been dictating hated by what they've been dictating hated by what they've been told makes you a good person by parents, told makes you a good person by parents, told makes you a good person by parents, professors, religion, society, etc. But professors, religion, society, etc. But professors, religion, society, etc. But I always play devil's advocate and I'll I always play devil's advocate and I'll I always play devil's advocate and I'll ask them and I say, "Okay, kindness. You ask them and I say, "Okay, kindness. You ask them and I say, "Okay, kindness. You want you think it's good to be kind. You want you think it's good to be kind. You want you think it's good to be kind. You want your kids to be kind. So, what's want your kids to be kind. So, what's want your kids to be kind. So, what's your how do you feel if Johnny is goes your how do you feel if Johnny is goes your how do you feel if Johnny is goes up to your son at the park and punches up to your son at the park and punches up to your son at the park and punches him directly in the face? Do you want him directly in the face? Do you want him directly in the face? Do you want him to still be kind? Or do you want him him to still be kind? Or do you want him him to still be kind? Or do you want him to be bold? Do you want him to be brave? to be bold? Do you want him to be brave? to be bold? Do you want him to be brave? Do you want him to defend himself? Do Do you want him to defend himself? Do Do you want him to defend himself? Do you want him to verbally defend himself, you want him to verbally defend himself, you want him to verbally defend himself, physically defend himself? You know, physically defend himself? You know, physically defend himself? You know, like what what's your approach with like what what's your approach with like what what's your approach with that? And they're like, you know, some that? And they're like, you know, some that? And they're like, you know, some of my Jersey people are like, I want him of my Jersey people are like, I want him of my Jersey people are like, I want him to [  ] punch your back, you know? to [  ] punch your back, you know? to [  ] punch your back, you know? And then other people are like, no, I And then other people are like, no, I And then other people are like, no, I want I want them to stand their ground. want I want them to stand their ground. want I want them to stand their ground. I want them to be bold and confident I want them to be bold and confident I want them to be bold and confident enough to say like, that's not what I enough to say like, that's not what I enough to say like, that's not what I tolerate. You're never going to do that tolerate. You're never going to do that tolerate. You're never going to do that to me again. And so I'm like, so this to me again. And so I'm like, so this to me again. And so I'm like, so this isn't about kindness. This is about isn't about kindness. This is about isn't about kindness. This is about maybe being bold, being brave, being maybe being bold, being brave, being maybe being bold, being brave, being confident, being humble and confident. confident, being humble and confident. confident, being humble and confident. And and I find [clears throat] And and I find [clears throat] And and I find [clears throat] kindly put him in an armbar until he kindly put him in an armbar until he kindly put him in an armbar until he submits. [laughter] submits. [laughter] submits. [laughter] Well, that's actually one of the values Well, that's actually one of the values Well, that's actually one of the values that I feel like is very common with that I feel like is very common with that I feel like is very common with people we work with and one of our people we work with and one of our people we work with and one of our personal values because I find it always personal values because I find it always personal values because I find it always interesting that we tend to attract interesting that we tend to attract interesting that we tend to attract people that are of similar mindset, some people that are of similar mindset, some people that are of similar mindset, some similar values. But a lot of people are similar values. But a lot of people are similar values. But a lot of people are like, I want my kid to be like brave and like, I want my kid to be like brave and like, I want my kid to be like brave and I want him to be him her to be tough and I want him to be him her to be tough and I want him to be him her to be tough and confident, but I I don't want them to be confident, but I I don't want them to be confident, but I I don't want them to be a dick. Like I want them to be humble. I a dick. Like I want them to be humble. I a dick. Like I want them to be humble. I want them to, you know, still like be want them to, you know, still like be want them to, you know, still like be kind and be compassionate and like never kind and be compassionate and like never kind and be compassionate and like never be throwing like I'm better than you be throwing like I'm better than you be throwing like I'm better than you around, but I also want them to like around, but I also want them to like around, but I also want them to like know who they are and stand their ground know who they are and stand their ground know who they are and stand their ground and be confident in that. And so, you and be confident in that. And so, you and be confident in that. And so, you know, so again, like exactly what we're know, so again, like exactly what we're know, so again, like exactly what we're talking about, like that's two different talking about, like that's two different talking about, like that's two different ends of the spectrum. You know, if you ends of the spectrum. You know, if you ends of the spectrum. You know, if you want your kid to be like bold and want your kid to be like bold and want your kid to be like bold and confident, confident, confident, that could that could that could equate to big ego, I'm better than you. equate to big ego, I'm better than you. equate to big ego, I'm better than you. And then humility could get confused And then humility could get confused And then humility could get confused with just be a people pleaser, bend over with just be a people pleaser, bend over with just be a people pleaser, bend over and take it. and take it. and take it. So it's like it that that value is So it's like it that that value is So it's like it that that value is actually actually actually two ends of the spectrum. I want you to two ends of the spectrum. I want you to two ends of the spectrum. I want you to be bold and confident, but I also want be bold and confident, but I also want be bold and confident, but I also want you to be humble. So you bring those you to be humble. So you bring those you to be humble. So you bring those together and that's actually a perfectly together and that's actually a perfectly together and that's actually a perfectly balanced core value. balanced core value. balanced core value. Like a balance between being naughty and Like a balance between being naughty and Like a balance between being naughty and nice. [laughter] nice. [laughter] nice. [laughter] See, See, See, so everybody, here is the plot twist for so everybody, here is the plot twist for so everybody, here is the plot twist for Dr. Nicole. Dr. Nicole. Dr. Nicole. Oh [  ] Oh [  ] Oh [  ] Drum roll. Because you said bend over Drum roll. Because you said bend over Drum roll. Because you said bend over and take it. We're gonna go there. and take it. We're gonna go there. and take it. We're gonna go there. Oh my god. [laughter] Oh my god. [laughter] Oh my god. [laughter] Are you naughty or are you nice? A lot of people A lot of people A lot of people in this world in this world in this world Uhhuh. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. have a lot of fantasies sexually have a lot of fantasies sexually have a lot of fantasies sexually and they don't act and they don't act on and they don't act and they don't act on and they don't act and they don't act on them. And them. And them. And anytime that I work with a child of anytime that I work with a child of anytime that I work with a child of nightmares, I never work on the nightmares, I never work on the nightmares, I never work on the nightmare cuz the nightmare is not the nightmare cuz the nightmare is not the nightmare cuz the nightmare is not the problem. The problem is the fantasy. problem. The problem is the fantasy. problem. The problem is the fantasy. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, you bring a fantasy down. There's no So, you bring a fantasy down. There's no So, you bring a fantasy down. There's no more nightmare. more nightmare. more nightmare. There's a lot of sexual symptoms. And There's a lot of sexual symptoms. And There's a lot of sexual symptoms. And we're going to keep this very short. we're going to keep this very short. we're going to keep this very short. I love that you want to go here. I love that you want to go here. I love that you want to go here. But there's a lot of well, I mean, a lot But there's a lot of well, I mean, a lot But there's a lot of well, I mean, a lot of reproductive hormones that are off on of reproductive hormones that are off on of reproductive hormones that are off on people, prostate issues are off on people, prostate issues are off on people, prostate issues are off on people. fertility issues, you know, the people. fertility issues, you know, the people. fertility issues, you know, the pelvic lymph, um, varicose veins, like pelvic lymph, um, varicose veins, like pelvic lymph, um, varicose veins, like all of that has a piece of the puzzle of all of that has a piece of the puzzle of all of that has a piece of the puzzle of the naughty or nice and that we've been the naughty or nice and that we've been the naughty or nice and that we've been programmed as society to, you know, to programmed as society to, you know, to programmed as society to, you know, to do missionary and and nothing else. And do missionary and and nothing else. And do missionary and and nothing else. And it's like, well, you know, sometimes it's like, well, you know, sometimes it's like, well, you know, sometimes maybe you do want to get bent over and maybe you do want to get bent over and maybe you do want to get bent over and take it as you said, take it as you said, take it as you said, make making you feel uncomfortable here. make making you feel uncomfortable here. make making you feel uncomfortable here. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [gasps] [gasps] [gasps] But I'm saying is that there none of But I'm saying is that there none of But I'm saying is that there none of that is like a sin. None of that is that is like a sin. None of that is that is like a sin. None of that is wrong. It's if you have wrong. It's if you have wrong. It's if you have uh an urge, a desire, you know, it's uh an urge, a desire, you know, it's uh an urge, a desire, you know, it's either a either a either a You should have a conversation with your You should have a conversation with your You should have a conversation with your other so that they know what you're other so that they know what you're other so that they know what you're experiencing, what your needs are. And experiencing, what your needs are. And experiencing, what your needs are. And if you can't have the conversation, if you can't have the conversation, if you can't have the conversation, well, that's an issue that probably just well, that's an issue that probably just well, that's an issue that probably just needs to be addressed in the needs to be addressed in the needs to be addressed in the relationship. And the fantasy will come relationship. And the fantasy will come relationship. And the fantasy will come down because we'll we'll have these down because we'll we'll have these down because we'll we'll have these things to grow separation in different things to grow separation in different things to grow separation in different parts of our life to create more of a parts of our life to create more of a parts of our life to create more of a nightmare problems in other parts of our nightmare problems in other parts of our nightmare problems in other parts of our life. We're in the same part but just life. We're in the same part but just life. We're in the same part but just different category, hence the different category, hence the different category, hence the relationship of our significant other. relationship of our significant other. relationship of our significant other. until we can become more aligned through until we can become more aligned through until we can become more aligned through communication, etc. communication, etc. communication, etc. So, you know, that fantasy might just be So, you know, that fantasy might just be So, you know, that fantasy might just be there. That's not even a true fantasy, there. That's not even a true fantasy, there. That's not even a true fantasy, but it's trying to help us heal and but it's trying to help us heal and but it's trying to help us heal and strengthen and grow our relationship. strengthen and grow our relationship. strengthen and grow our relationship. Maybe it is something that needs to be Maybe it is something that needs to be Maybe it is something that needs to be expressed and acted on. I think that expressed and acted on. I think that expressed and acted on. I think that it's just people have their their it's just people have their their it's just people have their their fantasies and you know uh what it comes fantasies and you know uh what it comes fantasies and you know uh what it comes down to is there's possibly to start down to is there's possibly to start down to is there's possibly to start guilt and shame around what that is guilt and shame around what that is guilt and shame around what that is especially if they've been um like especially if they've been um like especially if they've been um like sexually repressed. Um I think that's sexually repressed. Um I think that's sexually repressed. Um I think that's pretty common in families, you know, pretty common in families, you know, pretty common in families, you know, like I I I remember when I was young like I I I remember when I was young like I I I remember when I was young such dumb stuff that I still to this day such dumb stuff that I still to this day such dumb stuff that I still to this day will never understand. like it wasn't will never understand. like it wasn't will never understand. like it wasn't one nobody was talking about sex of any one nobody was talking about sex of any one nobody was talking about sex of any in any capacity. Um, you know, my in any capacity. Um, you know, my in any capacity. Um, you know, my parents weren't really affectionate parents weren't really affectionate parents weren't really affectionate towards each other in front of us. Like towards each other in front of us. Like towards each other in front of us. Like it was just deemed like that's not it was just deemed like that's not it was just deemed like that's not normal. But even too is like as we were normal. But even too is like as we were normal. But even too is like as we were growing up as women, me and my sister, growing up as women, me and my sister, growing up as women, me and my sister, we weren't like allowed to shave our we weren't like allowed to shave our we weren't like allowed to shave our legs, but we also weren't like allowed legs, but we also weren't like allowed legs, but we also weren't like allowed to talk about it. And I'm just kind like to talk about it. And I'm just kind like to talk about it. And I'm just kind like like a, you know, it was like a normal like a, you know, it was like a normal like a, you know, it was like a normal aspect of growing up as a woman. And I'm aspect of growing up as a woman. And I'm aspect of growing up as a woman. And I'm just kind of like I still I'm like what just kind of like I still I'm like what just kind of like I still I'm like what the [  ] was that about? Like why the [  ] was that about? Like why the [  ] was that about? Like why couldn't I shave my legs? Like I'm just couldn't I shave my legs? Like I'm just couldn't I shave my legs? Like I'm just confused. confused. confused. So there's repression I think in a lot So there's repression I think in a lot So there's repression I think in a lot of capacities and that creates the guilt of capacities and that creates the guilt of capacities and that creates the guilt and shame. And then that's obstacle and shame. And then that's obstacle and shame. And then that's obstacle number one in having the conversation. number one in having the conversation. number one in having the conversation. But then you know there there's uh But then you know there there's uh But then you know there there's uh people make it about them. So if if a people make it about them. So if if a people make it about them. So if if a man or a woman goes to their partner and man or a woman goes to their partner and man or a woman goes to their partner and says like I want to do something a says like I want to do something a says like I want to do something a little more exciting or a little more uh little more exciting or a little more uh little more exciting or a little more uh you know outside the box the person oh you know outside the box the person oh you know outside the box the person oh what am I not good enough? Oh you don't what am I not good enough? Oh you don't what am I not good enough? Oh you don't like what I bring to the table already like what I bring to the table already like what I bring to the table already like and they make it that and it's not like and they make it that and it's not like and they make it that and it's not that it's just a person trying to be that it's just a person trying to be that it's just a person trying to be vulnerable and you should be happy that vulnerable and you should be happy that vulnerable and you should be happy that they were vulnerable enough to bring they were vulnerable enough to bring they were vulnerable enough to bring that conversation to the table in the that conversation to the table in the that conversation to the table in the first place. the last thing that we want first place. the last thing that we want first place. the last thing that we want to do is guilt and shame them because we to do is guilt and shame them because we to do is guilt and shame them because we would not want that to be done to us. would not want that to be done to us. would not want that to be done to us. Um, and this is just this isn't even Um, and this is just this isn't even Um, and this is just this isn't even just about sexual fantasies. This is just about sexual fantasies. This is just about sexual fantasies. This is about like the fantasies that we create about like the fantasies that we create about like the fantasies that we create in our minds. Like, you know, you and I in our minds. Like, you know, you and I in our minds. Like, you know, you and I had a dynamic that like I would get had a dynamic that like I would get had a dynamic that like I would get guilt and shamed anytime I'd go guilt and shamed anytime I'd go guilt and shamed anytime I'd go shopping. Like you just were like, I shopping. Like you just were like, I shopping. Like you just were like, I don't understand why a person needs this don't understand why a person needs this don't understand why a person needs this many shoes or this many coats or this many shoes or this many coats or this many shoes or this many coats or this many anything. And like and then it just many anything. And like and then it just many anything. And like and then it just like builds that separation. I'm like, like builds that separation. I'm like, like builds that separation. I'm like, cool. I'll [  ] hide the bags in the cool. I'll [  ] hide the bags in the cool. I'll [  ] hide the bags in the car. I'm going to still do it, but I'm car. I'm going to still do it, but I'm car. I'm going to still do it, but I'm going to do it more because you're going to do it more because you're going to do it more because you're telling me that I shouldn't do it or telling me that I shouldn't do it or telling me that I shouldn't do it or something wrong with me. So, I'm like, something wrong with me. So, I'm like, something wrong with me. So, I'm like, "Oh, go [  ] yourself. I'm going to go "Oh, go [  ] yourself. I'm going to go "Oh, go [  ] yourself. I'm going to go Well, and you're also you would do it Well, and you're also you would do it Well, and you're also you would do it more because I needed you to do it more more because I needed you to do it more more because I needed you to do it more so that I would actually balance out my so that I would actually balance out my so that I would actually balance out my perception." perception." perception." Yeah. So, it's just anytime that we're Yeah. So, it's just anytime that we're Yeah. So, it's just anytime that we're going to guilt and shame someone about going to guilt and shame someone about going to guilt and shame someone about something, even if you that's your first something, even if you that's your first something, even if you that's your first inkling to do it, just pause and say, inkling to do it, just pause and say, inkling to do it, just pause and say, "Listen, um, I appreciate you coming to "Listen, um, I appreciate you coming to "Listen, um, I appreciate you coming to me. I don't know exactly how I want to me. I don't know exactly how I want to me. I don't know exactly how I want to respond just yet. Can you just give me a respond just yet. Can you just give me a respond just yet. Can you just give me a few?" Um, that's going to go a longer few?" Um, that's going to go a longer few?" Um, that's going to go a longer way than automatically reacting and then way than automatically reacting and then way than automatically reacting and then having to backpedal later if you're having to backpedal later if you're having to backpedal later if you're like, "Oh, I'm sorry I reacted that way like, "Oh, I'm sorry I reacted that way like, "Oh, I'm sorry I reacted that way and this and that." You know, it's like and this and that." You know, it's like and this and that." You know, it's like don't don't create a fire that you have don't don't create a fire that you have don't don't create a fire that you have to put out. just just just just don't to put out. just just just just don't to put out. just just just just don't even light the lighter and just a moment even light the lighter and just a moment even light the lighter and just a moment to see how you actually want to respond. to see how you actually want to respond. to see how you actually want to respond. And it's going back to, you know, And it's going back to, you know, And it's going back to, you know, talking about this sexual naughty or talking about this sexual naughty or talking about this sexual naughty or nice aspect of things is that, nice aspect of things is that, nice aspect of things is that, you know, that wanting to be overly you know, that wanting to be overly you know, that wanting to be overly naughty or thinking I have to be overly naughty or thinking I have to be overly naughty or thinking I have to be overly nice, you know, part of it started in nice, you know, part of it started in nice, you know, part of it started in the mind. So the quality of your life is the mind. So the quality of your life is the mind. So the quality of your life is dictated by the quality of the questions dictated by the quality of the questions dictated by the quality of the questions you ask. It's like, okay, well, where you ask. It's like, okay, well, where you ask. It's like, okay, well, where where did that belief process start? You where did that belief process start? You where did that belief process start? You know, where did it start that I was told know, where did it start that I was told know, where did it start that I was told that, you know, to be a lady, you know, that, you know, to be a lady, you know, that, you know, to be a lady, you know, I needed to act like this or [snorts] I needed to act like this or [snorts] I needed to act like this or [snorts] whatever the story is running in the whatever the story is running in the whatever the story is running in the background. background. background. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or where did this fantasy that, you Or where did this fantasy that, you Or where did this fantasy that, you know, this is going to fill all my know, this is going to fill all my know, this is going to fill all my desires and this is like going to to desires and this is like going to to desires and this is like going to to make me feel like I'm connected or make me feel like I'm connected or make me feel like I'm connected or living or etc. Like why why do I need living or etc. Like why why do I need living or etc. Like why why do I need this? and and it's just to help you this? and and it's just to help you this? and and it's just to help you process. process. process. But I also this is kind of related and I But I also this is kind of related and I But I also this is kind of related and I I it's it's piggybacking off of just I it's it's piggybacking off of just I it's it's piggybacking off of just kind of the whole idea of of partner to kind of the whole idea of of partner to kind of the whole idea of of partner to partner, but partner, but partner, but we like I can't believe it's kind of we like I can't believe it's kind of we like I can't believe it's kind of taken me as long as it has to realize taken me as long as it has to realize taken me as long as it has to realize this, but we give what we want. Like you this, but we give what we want. Like you this, but we give what we want. Like you give me physical touch and massages give me physical touch and massages give me physical touch and massages because that's what you want. because that's what you want. because that's what you want. I give you surprises for holidays, which I give you surprises for holidays, which I give you surprises for holidays, which is because that's what I want. is because that's what I want. is because that's what I want. [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] like and you're just like I don't care like and you're just like I don't care like and you're just like I don't care about any of that. about any of that. about any of that. I mean you do like a foot massage but I mean you do like a foot massage but I mean you do like a foot massage but I do like a foot massage but you give I do like a foot massage but you give I do like a foot massage but you give that because that's what you want. I that because that's what you want. I that because that's what you want. I give you things that I want that I think give you things that I want that I think give you things that I want that I think are would make are would make are would make me I think it makes you feel special but me I think it makes you feel special but me I think it makes you feel special but really at the end of the day would make really at the end of the day would make really at the end of the day would make me feel special. me feel special. me feel special. No. Yeah. Like my birthdays come up. You No. Yeah. Like my birthdays come up. You No. Yeah. Like my birthdays come up. You ask me what I want and I'm like I really ask me what I want and I'm like I really ask me what I want and I'm like I really can't think of anything. can't think of anything. can't think of anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cuz if I cuz if I want something I just Cuz if I cuz if I want something I just Cuz if I cuz if I want something I just go and buy it. Like I don't and I really go and buy it. Like I don't and I really go and buy it. Like I don't and I really can't think of anything that I can't think of anything that I can't think of anything that I and I'm like, "Oh, I should do this and I'm like, "Oh, I should do this and I'm like, "Oh, I should do this surprise thing and this and that." And surprise thing and this and that." And surprise thing and this and that." And I'm like, "That's because that's what I I'm like, "That's because that's what I I'm like, "That's because that's what I want. So maybe I should just think about want. So maybe I should just think about want. So maybe I should just think about what he gives me because that's what he what he gives me because that's what he what he gives me because that's what he wants. wants. wants. Give me a massage, woman." Give me a massage, woman." Give me a massage, woman." Yeah, that's pretty much just do that Yeah, that's pretty much just do that Yeah, that's pretty much just do that and you'll be happy. Um, so yeah, again, and you'll be happy. Um, so yeah, again, and you'll be happy. Um, so yeah, again, I feel like these podcasts today are a I feel like these podcasts today are a I feel like these podcasts today are a bit schizophrenic, but whatever. I hope bit schizophrenic, but whatever. I hope bit schizophrenic, but whatever. I hope it's valuable for you guys. it's valuable for you guys. it's valuable for you guys. And um, don't aspire to be on the nice And um, don't aspire to be on the nice And um, don't aspire to be on the nice list because that will actually make you list because that will actually make you list because that will actually make you schizophrenic. It's been proven um that schizophrenic. It's been proven um that schizophrenic. It's been proven um that if you are always trying to be good, if you are always trying to be good, if you are always trying to be good, trying to be positive, positive trying to be positive, positive trying to be positive, positive affirmations, affirmations, affirmations, um see the good in everything and you um see the good in everything and you um see the good in everything and you know there's no bad um you will actually know there's no bad um you will actually know there's no bad um you will actually create a level of psychosis in your create a level of psychosis in your create a level of psychosis in your brain. Um they've tested it uh they've brain. Um they've tested it uh they've brain. Um they've tested it uh they've researched it and if you researched it and if you researched it and if you as Einstein said for every action as Einstein said for every action as Einstein said for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. there's an equal and opposite reaction. there's an equal and opposite reaction. Correct? And if you think that, you Correct? And if you think that, you Correct? And if you think that, you know, the the glass is always half empty know, the the glass is always half empty know, the the glass is always half empty and, you know, life is doom and gloom and, you know, life is doom and gloom and, you know, life is doom and gloom and, you know, you you're only just a and, you know, you you're only just a and, you know, you you're only just a shitty person, that is definitely a shitty person, that is definitely a shitty person, that is definitely a halftruth because there's no possible halftruth because there's no possible halftruth because there's no possible way that you're only bad and you're not way that you're only bad and you're not way that you're only bad and you're not good. And you know, this is just for you good. And you know, this is just for you good. And you know, this is just for you to get your [  ] mind out of the to get your [  ] mind out of the to get your [ __ ] mind out of the gutter and to really just take a look, a gutter and to really just take a look, a gutter and to really just take a look, a 360 view of yourself and your life and 360 view of yourself and your life and 360 view of yourself and your life and the people around you and, you know, and the people around you and, you know, and the people around you and, you know, and see both sides of it because there's no see both sides of it because there's no see both sides of it because there's no possible way that it it's only possible way that it it's only possible way that it it's only one side, one side, one side, one side or the other. one side or the other. one side or the other. So, um, so I'm glad that I kind of So, um, so I'm glad that I kind of So, um, so I'm glad that I kind of passed the test when I answered the passed the test when I answered the passed the test when I answered the question today. [clears throat] question today. [clears throat] question today. [clears throat] Um, and then yeah, and then the the Um, and then yeah, and then the the Um, and then yeah, and then the the conversation got a little interesting in conversation got a little interesting in conversation got a little interesting in the middle here. the middle here. the middle here. Gota got to keep it lively for our Gota got to keep it lively for our Gota got to keep it lively for our listeners. [laughter] listeners. [laughter] listeners. [laughter] All right, guys. We'll see you on the All right, guys. We'll see you on the All right, guys. We'll see you on the next one. [music]