Conflict Avoided Is Conflict Multiplied | Webinar

Hey everyone, welcome back to another Hey everyone, welcome back to another Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Integrative You Radio. I am episode of Integrative You Radio. I am episode of Integrative You Radio. I am here with Dr. Nick and we are talking here with Dr. Nick and we are talking here with Dr. Nick and we are talking about a really fun topic today. I think about a really fun topic today. I think about a really fun topic today. I think I say that every single time because I'm I say that every single time because I'm I say that every single time because I'm such a dork and I get so such a dork and I get so such a dork and I get so excited about everything we talk about. excited about everything we talk about. excited about everything we talk about. This is all true. It is all relevant. This is all true. It is all relevant. This is all true. It is all relevant. Well, I think that it's, you know, it's Well, I think that it's, you know, it's Well, I think that it's, you know, it's something it's safe to say something it's safe to say something it's safe to say that especially post pandemic, but don't that especially post pandemic, but don't that especially post pandemic, but don't get me wrong, there are so many other get me wrong, there are so many other get me wrong, there are so many other layers to this that there are a lot of layers to this that there are a lot of layers to this that there are a lot of people that feel pretty isolated, people people that feel pretty isolated, people people that feel pretty isolated, people that feel lonely. And and I say there's that feel lonely. And and I say there's that feel lonely. And and I say there's other aspects of this primarily because other aspects of this primarily because other aspects of this primarily because you and I both as entrepreneurs. you and I both as entrepreneurs. you and I both as entrepreneurs. We've been in a lot of different We've been in a lot of different We've been in a lot of different coaching programs and that was a theme coaching programs and that was a theme coaching programs and that was a theme of conversation and it was especially a of conversation and it was especially a of conversation and it was especially a theme of conversation when you were theme of conversation when you were theme of conversation when you were first getting started in a program of first getting started in a program of first getting started in a program of hey let's let's address the elephant in hey let's let's address the elephant in hey let's let's address the elephant in the room that you know you as the room that you know you as the room that you know you as entrepreneurs kind of feel like you're entrepreneurs kind of feel like you're entrepreneurs kind of feel like you're own on your own little mountain you know own on your own little mountain you know own on your own little mountain you know trying to to get to the top and you feel trying to to get to the top and you feel trying to to get to the top and you feel isolated you feel alone because not a isolated you feel alone because not a isolated you feel alone because not a lot of people can relate to the pain lot of people can relate to the pain lot of people can relate to the pain points that you're experiencing. in points that you're experiencing. in points that you're experiencing. in entrepreneurship. And then on top of entrepreneurship. And then on top of entrepreneurship. And then on top of that, we experienced a pandemic which that, we experienced a pandemic which that, we experienced a pandemic which created isolation for people like created isolation for people like created isolation for people like literally created isolation for people. literally created isolation for people. literally created isolation for people. And then there's a similar dynamic when And then there's a similar dynamic when And then there's a similar dynamic when it comes to individuals that we've it comes to individuals that we've it comes to individuals that we've worked with that have had mystery worked with that have had mystery worked with that have had mystery illness or chronic illness and people illness or chronic illness and people illness or chronic illness and people don't understand. They, you know, don't understand. They, you know, don't understand. They, you know, doctors will say to them, "It's in your doctors will say to them, "It's in your doctors will say to them, "It's in your head. Your labs look fine." their family head. Your labs look fine." their family head. Your labs look fine." their family members don't can't relate. They don't members don't can't relate. They don't members don't can't relate. They don't understand how someone could be so sick understand how someone could be so sick understand how someone could be so sick or someone could be bedridden or someone or someone could be bedridden or someone or someone could be bedridden or someone could have such low energy and there's a could have such low energy and there's a could have such low energy and there's a level of isolation with that and level of isolation with that and level of isolation with that and sometimes that isolation is is mental sometimes that isolation is is mental sometimes that isolation is is mental and sometimes it's physical and and sometimes it's physical and and sometimes it's physical and sometimes it's both. sometimes it's both. sometimes it's both. Yes. when you were talking about that I Yes. when you were talking about that I Yes. when you were talking about that I I saw both directions. I was like I was I saw both directions. I was like I was I saw both directions. I was like I was wondering if because initially I think wondering if because initially I think wondering if because initially I think of like that loneliness causes you to be of like that loneliness causes you to be of like that loneliness causes you to be sick you know a big portion of it but I sick you know a big portion of it but I sick you know a big portion of it but I was like I'm always trying to look at was like I'm always trying to look at was like I'm always trying to look at things as a balance of like well how's things as a balance of like well how's things as a balance of like well how's that benefiting the person you know it's that benefiting the person you know it's that benefiting the person you know it's not just a bad thing and I was like you not just a bad thing and I was like you not just a bad thing and I was like you go out to eat and I mean we're probably go out to eat and I mean we're probably go out to eat and I mean we're probably attracting it from who we are but we attracting it from who we are but we attracting it from who we are but we always hear people complaining about always hear people complaining about always hear people complaining about health issues and this and that and it's health issues and this and that and it's health issues and this and that and it's beauty of not necessarily knowing the beauty of not necessarily knowing the beauty of not necessarily knowing the Italian language that well because we Italian language that well because we Italian language that well because we live in Italy now and uh I can tune all live in Italy now and uh I can tune all live in Italy now and uh I can tune all that out. that out. that out. But it' be interesting if unconsciously But it' be interesting if unconsciously But it' be interesting if unconsciously it's like the sickness is just a it's like the sickness is just a it's like the sickness is just a different tool for that person to not be different tool for that person to not be different tool for that person to not be lonely because sickness brings a lot of lonely because sickness brings a lot of lonely because sickness brings a lot of people together people together people together 100%. you know, there there is 100%. you know, there there is 100%. you know, there there is definitely an element of people that definitely an element of people that definitely an element of people that feel alone or isolated and it's maybe feel alone or isolated and it's maybe feel alone or isolated and it's maybe because they have had difficult because they have had difficult because they have had difficult relationships with family, friends, and relationships with family, friends, and relationships with family, friends, and they're choosing to isolate themselves. they're choosing to isolate themselves. they're choosing to isolate themselves. That can 100% create sickness and then That can 100% create sickness and then That can 100% create sickness and then there is sickness that can then create there is sickness that can then create there is sickness that can then create that type of loneliness and that type of loneliness and that type of loneliness and isolation. But as mentioned, sometimes isolation. But as mentioned, sometimes isolation. But as mentioned, sometimes that's happening for a reason because that's happening for a reason because that's happening for a reason because the people that are in your life maybe the people that are in your life maybe the people that are in your life maybe are are more superficial relationships. are are more superficial relationships. are are more superficial relationships. Maybe they're more toxic to your psyche Maybe they're more toxic to your psyche Maybe they're more toxic to your psyche than you realize, which is is kind of than you realize, which is is kind of than you realize, which is is kind of the topic that we're we're getting into the topic that we're we're getting into the topic that we're we're getting into today. today. today. Um, you know, you and I had Um, you know, you and I had Um, you know, you and I had conversations together, but then there conversations together, but then there conversations together, but then there were also conversations with in two were also conversations with in two were also conversations with in two completely different arenas of life that completely different arenas of life that completely different arenas of life that brought up this phrase that we always brought up this phrase that we always brought up this phrase that we always say that conflict avoided is conflict say that conflict avoided is conflict say that conflict avoided is conflict multiplied. And it's one of the reasons multiplied. And it's one of the reasons multiplied. And it's one of the reasons why you and I have a weekly meeting just why you and I have a weekly meeting just why you and I have a weekly meeting just not necessarily about the business. It's not necessarily about the business. It's not necessarily about the business. It's you and I about our own personal you and I about our own personal you and I about our own personal accomplishments and failures and then accomplishments and failures and then accomplishments and failures and then also how we are showing up for each also how we are showing up for each also how we are showing up for each other as as a couple. other as as a couple. other as as a couple. Yeah, I was actually talked a lot about Yeah, I was actually talked a lot about Yeah, I was actually talked a lot about this with a client yesterday and uh this with a client yesterday and uh this with a client yesterday and uh she's like you type A, you she's like you type A, you she's like you type A, you know, CEO uh energy know, CEO uh energy know, CEO uh energy and I was like you you have meetings in and I was like you you have meetings in and I was like you you have meetings in business, you have meetings with your business, you have meetings with your business, you have meetings with your team, you have meetings all this and and team, you have meetings all this and and team, you have meetings all this and and and why? It's so you don't have to deal and why? It's so you don't have to deal and why? It's so you don't have to deal with fires later, you know, it's all with fires later, you know, it's all with fires later, you know, it's all pre-preventive. It's so you can keep pre-preventive. It's so you can keep pre-preventive. It's so you can keep everything growing in alignment. I was everything growing in alignment. I was everything growing in alignment. I was like, "You're not doing that with your like, "You're not doing that with your like, "You're not doing that with your partner?" I was like, "What the fuck?" I partner?" I was like, "What the fuck?" I partner?" I was like, "What the fuck?" I was like, "That makes zero sense." I go, was like, "That makes zero sense." I go, was like, "That makes zero sense." I go, "Just step back and see. You want your "Just step back and see. You want your "Just step back and see. You want your romantic relationship to go as well as romantic relationship to go as well as romantic relationship to go as well as work does, but you don't want to do the work does, but you don't want to do the work does, but you don't want to do the things that cause work to be so things that cause work to be so things that cause work to be so successful." Like, you don't you're not successful." Like, you don't you're not successful." Like, you don't you're not going to have as successful a going to have as successful a going to have as successful a relationship. But people go into this relationship. But people go into this relationship. But people go into this idea that that's bad. I've had this idea that that's bad. I've had this idea that that's bad. I've had this conversation with with people, men and conversation with with people, men and conversation with with people, men and women. It's not one more than the other. women. It's not one more than the other. women. It's not one more than the other. And they're like, "But a relationship And they're like, "But a relationship And they're like, "But a relationship should flow. A relationship shouldn't be should flow. A relationship shouldn't be should flow. A relationship shouldn't be that hard." And I'm like, "That's not that hard." And I'm like, "That's not that hard." And I'm like, "That's not the point. It's the point. It's the point. It's about this is one thing that I think about this is one thing that I think about this is one thing that I think none of us it does flow and it is easy none of us it does flow and it is easy none of us it does flow and it is easy when you're preventative when but when when you're preventative when but when when you're preventative when but when you are actively you are actively you are actively communicating and so one of the things communicating and so one of the things communicating and so one of the things that we're going to bring to you guys that we're going to bring to you guys that we're going to bring to you guys today is we want to bring today is we want to bring today is we want to bring you you know when we talk you know this you you know when we talk you know this you you know when we talk you know this some of this is is is theory you know some of this is is is theory you know some of this is is is theory you know this is the these are things that we're this is the these are things that we're this is the these are things that we're sharing with you based off of our sharing with you based off of our sharing with you based off of our clinical experience, our clinical clinical experience, our clinical clinical experience, our clinical observations, our um experience as observations, our um experience as observations, our um experience as humans, you know, navigating life, humans, you know, navigating life, humans, you know, navigating life, navigating family dynamics, navigating navigating family dynamics, navigating navigating family dynamics, navigating relationships. And then there's also relationships. And then there's also relationships. And then there's also these I don't want to call it science, these I don't want to call it science, these I don't want to call it science, but there are these methodologies and but there are these methodologies and but there are these methodologies and these frameworks that have been created these frameworks that have been created these frameworks that have been created and proven. So, one of the frameworks and proven. So, one of the frameworks and proven. So, one of the frameworks that I was thinking of that I learned in that I was thinking of that I learned in that I was thinking of that I learned in in my business coaching certifications in my business coaching certifications in my business coaching certifications was by Patrick Lencion. And what I loved was by Patrick Lencion. And what I loved was by Patrick Lencion. And what I loved about him is that he is big on the about him is that he is big on the about him is that he is big on the people side of business. And he's like, people side of business. And he's like, people side of business. And he's like, you are nothing without your people. And you are nothing without your people. And you are nothing without your people. And listen, for those of you that are super listen, for those of you that are super listen, for those of you that are super into AI and technology and this and into AI and technology and this and into AI and technology and this and that, and you know, this is Nick that that, and you know, this is Nick that that, and you know, this is Nick that are like, oh, you know, every all are like, oh, you know, every all are like, oh, you know, every all businesses are going to be run by AI in businesses are going to be run by AI in businesses are going to be run by AI in the future, whatever. That's fine. But the future, whatever. That's fine. But the future, whatever. That's fine. But at the end of the day, if you were to at the end of the day, if you were to at the end of the day, if you were to just interact with AI and you have no just interact with AI and you have no just interact with AI and you have no relationships in your life, you're relationships in your life, you're relationships in your life, you're you're not going to feel overly you're not going to feel overly you're not going to feel overly satisfied or fulfilled. So, working with satisfied or fulfilled. So, working with satisfied or fulfilled. So, working with humans, speaking with humans, humans, speaking with humans, humans, speaking with humans, relationships with humans, it's going to relationships with humans, it's going to relationships with humans, it's going to affect you in some way or another. And affect you in some way or another. And affect you in some way or another. And some of the most successful visionary some of the most successful visionary some of the most successful visionary companies have figured out how to create companies have figured out how to create companies have figured out how to create really amazing company culture which is really amazing company culture which is really amazing company culture which is based on their based on their based on their people and that is why they're people and that is why they're people and that is why they're successful. That's what they attribute successful. That's what they attribute successful. That's what they attribute their success for or to I should say. their success for or to I should say. their success for or to I should say. And so I found that there's so many And so I found that there's so many And so I found that there's so many interesting aspects interesting aspects interesting aspects of how does this flow into family? How of how does this flow into family? How of how does this flow into family? How does this flow into romantic does this flow into romantic does this flow into romantic relationships? Because at the end of the relationships? Because at the end of the relationships? Because at the end of the day, when you hear people complain about day, when you hear people complain about day, when you hear people complain about their aunt, their mom, their dad, their their aunt, their mom, their dad, their their aunt, their mom, their dad, their kids, their husband, their wife, if you kids, their husband, their wife, if you kids, their husband, their wife, if you were to zoom out, it's all were to zoom out, it's all were to zoom out, it's all communication, understanding issues, communication, understanding issues, communication, understanding issues, discommunication in that instance, 100%. discommunication in that instance, 100%. discommunication in that instance, 100%. That's the same thing with the body, That's the same thing with the body, That's the same thing with the body, though. You know, it's like if there's though. You know, it's like if there's though. You know, it's like if there's an an area of the body not functioning an an area of the body not functioning an an area of the body not functioning properly, it's just because there's not properly, it's just because there's not properly, it's just because there's not proper communication going from whether proper communication going from whether proper communication going from whether that's a hormone or neurotransmitter that's a hormone or neurotransmitter that's a hormone or neurotransmitter into a cell, etc. There's a break or the into a cell, etc. There's a break or the into a cell, etc. There's a break or the wrong communication and then, you know, wrong communication and then, you know, wrong communication and then, you know, we call it that the body's breaking down we call it that the body's breaking down we call it that the body's breaking down or something's wrong, but it's just or something's wrong, but it's just or something's wrong, but it's just figuring out where that break in figuring out where that break in figuring out where that break in communication is 100%. And so speaking communication is 100%. And so speaking communication is 100%. And so speaking of this idea, I'm going to give you two of this idea, I'm going to give you two of this idea, I'm going to give you two highle stories that are going to really highle stories that are going to really highle stories that are going to really segue into what we want you guys to gain segue into what we want you guys to gain segue into what we want you guys to gain from from this from from this from from this podcast and both of them happened this podcast and both of them happened this podcast and both of them happened this week. So one was between myself and a week. So one was between myself and a week. So one was between myself and a client uh call them a patient, we call client uh call them a patient, we call client uh call them a patient, we call them members. And so this was more it them members. And so this was more it them members. And so this was more it was a working relationship, a business was a working relationship, a business was a working relationship, a business relationship. And relationship. And relationship. And essentially the theme of conflict essentially the theme of conflict essentially the theme of conflict avoided is conflict multiplied came up. avoided is conflict multiplied came up. avoided is conflict multiplied came up. And the reason being is that this person And the reason being is that this person And the reason being is that this person was having some issues. They were having was having some issues. They were having was having some issues. They were having some feelings. They were having some some feelings. They were having some some feelings. They were having some frustrations. And for myself as being frustrations. And for myself as being frustrations. And for myself as being the leader of their care, I addressed it the leader of their care, I addressed it the leader of their care, I addressed it immediately. I said, you know, we're not immediately. I said, you know, we're not immediately. I said, you know, we're not going to let this going to let this going to let this frustration, conflict, overwhelm fester. frustration, conflict, overwhelm fester. frustration, conflict, overwhelm fester. We're going to get on a face-to-face We're going to get on a face-to-face We're going to get on a face-to-face call. We're going to communicate in a call. We're going to communicate in a call. We're going to communicate in a very strategic and humble way, and we're very strategic and humble way, and we're very strategic and humble way, and we're going to come up with some very specific going to come up with some very specific going to come up with some very specific clarity and resolutions. clarity and resolutions. clarity and resolutions. And so in the And so in the And so in the past, this is something that maybe I past, this is something that maybe I past, this is something that maybe I wouldn't have had time to do. This is wouldn't have had time to do. This is wouldn't have had time to do. This is something that I would have maybe something that I would have maybe something that I would have maybe avoided because it would have been avoided because it would have been avoided because it would have been uncomfortable. uncomfortable. uncomfortable. and taking kind of the bull by the horns and taking kind of the bull by the horns and taking kind of the bull by the horns and having a difficult conversation is and having a difficult conversation is and having a difficult conversation is something that not only empowered myself something that not only empowered myself something that not only empowered myself but also empowered the other individual but also empowered the other individual but also empowered the other individual and also yielded solutions and was and also yielded solutions and was and also yielded solutions and was quickly able to rectify a situation. The quickly able to rectify a situation. The quickly able to rectify a situation. The most important thing is that there was a most important thing is that there was a most important thing is that there was a level of trust that was level of trust that was level of trust that was built built built that maybe was there but it wasn't that maybe was there but it wasn't that maybe was there but it wasn't strong. strong. strong. And so go ahead. Trust I think people And so go ahead. Trust I think people And so go ahead. Trust I think people have a a wrong relationship with trust have a a wrong relationship with trust have a a wrong relationship with trust or like a a wrong or a wrong definition. or like a a wrong or a wrong definition. or like a a wrong or a wrong definition. Yeah. Yeah. I guess you could call it Yeah. Yeah. I guess you could call it Yeah. Yeah. I guess you could call it that. I look at trust as trust. You that. I look at trust as trust. You that. I look at trust as trust. You trust somebody when like they keep their trust somebody when like they keep their trust somebody when like they keep their word or they do these things. But like word or they do these things. But like word or they do these things. But like really when you think about is like really when you think about is like really when you think about is like trust a lack of trust occurs trust a lack of trust occurs trust a lack of trust occurs when one party doesn't win. You know, when one party doesn't win. You know, when one party doesn't win. You know, one party gets hurt. That's when you one party gets hurt. That's when you one party gets hurt. That's when you lose trust. Like an unfair exchange, you lose trust. Like an unfair exchange, you lose trust. Like an unfair exchange, you mean? Correct. Yeah. So your phone call mean? Correct. Yeah. So your phone call mean? Correct. Yeah. So your phone call what you had it was a candid what you had it was a candid what you had it was a candid conversation was not quote unquote easy conversation was not quote unquote easy conversation was not quote unquote easy but the trust was built but the trust was built but the trust was built because the the time the energy and the because the the time the energy and the because the the time the energy and the space to create a win-win space to create a win-win space to create a win-win and it's like I mean you talked about and it's like I mean you talked about and it's like I mean you talked about the clarity but I really want people to the clarity but I really want people to the clarity but I really want people to understand that that that clarity was so understand that that that clarity was so understand that that that clarity was so that there could be a win-win and that's that there could be a win-win and that's that there could be a win-win and that's what builds trust for people taking the what builds trust for people taking the what builds trust for people taking the time. M there was an opening. It wasn't time. M there was an opening. It wasn't time. M there was an opening. It wasn't the Mi the Mi the Mi show. It wasn't I'm here to give you all show. It wasn't I'm here to give you all show. It wasn't I'm here to give you all of your solutions and and and address of your solutions and and and address of your solutions and and and address your problems. There was an open your problems. There was an open your problems. There was an open platform for her to speak up and for me platform for her to speak up and for me platform for her to speak up and for me to speak up and and to bring, you know, to speak up and and to bring, you know, to speak up and and to bring, you know, both perspectives to the table and then both perspectives to the table and then both perspectives to the table and then be able to talk about it and resolve it. be able to talk about it and resolve it. be able to talk about it and resolve it. So I what you're saying is actually very So I what you're saying is actually very So I what you're saying is actually very very important because a lot of times very important because a lot of times very important because a lot of times when this idea of conflict avoided is when this idea of conflict avoided is when this idea of conflict avoided is conflict multiplied. You know the last conflict multiplied. You know the last conflict multiplied. You know the last thing that we want you to gain from this thing that we want you to gain from this thing that we want you to gain from this conversation is that oh you know don't conversation is that oh you know don't conversation is that oh you know don't tolerate just go in and tell them how tolerate just go in and tell them how tolerate just go in and tell them how you feel. Guns blazing. No. Yeah. That you feel. Guns blazing. No. Yeah. That you feel. Guns blazing. No. Yeah. That there's a lot of people that do that there's a lot of people that do that there's a lot of people that do that already and it does not get them very already and it does not get them very already and it does not get them very far. And so, actually, you kind of set far. And so, actually, you kind of set far. And so, actually, you kind of set me up here because the second time that me up here because the second time that me up here because the second time that I brought up conflict avoided, conflict I brought up conflict avoided, conflict I brought up conflict avoided, conflict multiplied was in a conversation that I multiplied was in a conversation that I multiplied was in a conversation that I was having with a friend of ours here in was having with a friend of ours here in was having with a friend of ours here in Italy in relation to his relationship Italy in relation to his relationship Italy in relation to his relationship with his brother. with his brother. with his brother. And you know there was a lot uh in the And you know there was a lot uh in the And you know there was a lot uh in the in the conversation there was a lot of in the conversation there was a lot of in the conversation there was a lot of push back in what I was saying primarily push back in what I was saying primarily push back in what I was saying primarily because he was like he's a difficult because he was like he's a difficult because he was like he's a difficult man. He has you know his own mental man. He has you know his own mental man. He has you know his own mental illness. He has these issues. He's very illness. He has these issues. He's very illness. He has these issues. He's very uh narcissistic. He doesn't care about uh narcissistic. He doesn't care about uh narcissistic. He doesn't care about what I have to say. Like it's his way or what I have to say. Like it's his way or what I have to say. Like it's his way or the highway. There was a lot of the highway. There was a lot of the highway. There was a lot of rebuttals and and rebuttals and and rebuttals and and essentially what I I wrapped it up with. essentially what I I wrapped it up with. essentially what I I wrapped it up with. I was like, I was like, I was like, "Listen, this is not about you going in "Listen, this is not about you going in "Listen, this is not about you going in and putting on a presentation for your and putting on a presentation for your and putting on a presentation for your brother that in that moment he's going brother that in that moment he's going brother that in that moment he's going to be like, "Holy shit." You know, he to be like, "Holy shit." You know, he to be like, "Holy shit." You know, he they're he's 45, his brother is I think they're he's 45, his brother is I think they're he's 45, his brother is I think 50. you know, 50 years of operating a 50. you know, 50 years of operating a 50. you know, 50 years of operating a certain way, thinking a certain way, certain way, thinking a certain way, certain way, thinking a certain way, you're not changing that in one you're not changing that in one you're not changing that in one conversation. Like, that's not the goal. conversation. Like, that's not the goal. conversation. Like, that's not the goal. The goal is is that you show up in such The goal is is that you show up in such The goal is is that you show up in such a confident but humble a confident but humble a confident but humble way in in such a methodical way because way in in such a methodical way because way in in such a methodical way because you thought about how you're going to you thought about how you're going to you thought about how you're going to show up. And you do it in a way that the show up. And you do it in a way that the show up. And you do it in a way that the person is person is person is almost like a little almost like a little almost like a little surprised and I say humble surprised and I say humble surprised and I say humble because when you start to get emotional because when you start to get emotional because when you start to get emotional or you [  ] you like you know the or you [  ] you like you know the or you [  ] you like you know the person's going to shut down. They're person's going to shut down. They're person's going to shut down. They're they're not going to listen to you. they're not going to listen to you. they're not going to listen to you. They're they're going to laugh. They're They're they're going to laugh. They're They're they're going to laugh. They're just going to be like what a joke this just going to be like what a joke this just going to be like what a joke this is that you you you pulled the same card is that you you you pulled the same card is that you you you pulled the same card you always do. So, it's you show up in you always do. So, it's you show up in you always do. So, it's you show up in this confident way with conviction, with this confident way with conviction, with this confident way with conviction, with passion for that passion for that passion for that win-win, but you you maintain that level win-win, but you you maintain that level win-win, but you you maintain that level of humility because your goal is is you of humility because your goal is is you of humility because your goal is is you really do want a positive outcome or or really do want a positive outcome or or really do want a positive outcome or or an or an outcome altogether. You're not an or an outcome altogether. You're not an or an outcome altogether. You're not just like, I'm just here to to [  ] and just like, I'm just here to to [  ] and just like, I'm just here to to [  ] and moan. And I said, but you if you do moan. And I said, but you if you do moan. And I said, but you if you do this, don't expect something in that this, don't expect something in that this, don't expect something in that moment. moment. moment. Don't sit there and say, "I'm going to Don't sit there and say, "I'm going to Don't sit there and say, "I'm going to show up in such a powerful way that he's show up in such a powerful way that he's show up in such a powerful way that he's he's going to he's not even he's going he's going to he's not even he's going he's going to he's not even he's going to completely respond to me differently to completely respond to me differently to completely respond to me differently than he ever had." like go in with the than he ever had." like go in with the than he ever had." like go in with the with the with no expectation to with the with no expectation to with the with no expectation to say I'm say I'm say I'm here for me for for for me to here for me for for for me to here for me for for for me to potentially speak in a way that I've potentially speak in a way that I've potentially speak in a way that I've never been able to to be as vulnerable never been able to to be as vulnerable never been able to to be as vulnerable as possible to to share my truth but I as possible to to share my truth but I as possible to to share my truth but I want to do it in a humble way because want to do it in a humble way because want to do it in a humble way because I'm looking for the outcome to be a I'm looking for the outcome to be a I'm looking for the outcome to be a stronger foundation for us more trust stronger foundation for us more trust stronger foundation for us more trust between between between us and if the person takes it, great. If us and if the person takes it, great. If us and if the person takes it, great. If the person doesn't, great. You have to the person doesn't, great. You have to the person doesn't, great. You have to be okay with either be okay with either be okay with either outcome. But the way that I look at it outcome. But the way that I look at it outcome. But the way that I look at it is if they're still thinking about that is if they're still thinking about that is if they're still thinking about that conversation afterward, that's a win. So conversation afterward, that's a win. So conversation afterward, that's a win. So you might see a different outcome or an you might see a different outcome or an you might see a different outcome or an outcome altogether. It could be a month outcome altogether. It could be a month outcome altogether. It could be a month from then. It could be six months from from then. It could be six months from from then. It could be six months from then. it could be a year from then then. it could be a year from then then. it could be a year from then because it's not it's about that person because it's not it's about that person because it's not it's about that person and their processing of of how you and their processing of of how you and their processing of of how you showed up and the conversation that was showed up and the conversation that was showed up and the conversation that was had. So I think that it's really really had. So I think that it's really really had. So I think that it's really really important for people to understand that important for people to understand that important for people to understand that one you don't just go in guns blazing one you don't just go in guns blazing one you don't just go in guns blazing and then two this is about addressing and then two this is about addressing and then two this is about addressing conflict as a win-win situation as you conflict as a win-win situation as you conflict as a win-win situation as you said Dr. said Dr. said Dr. and also with a level of of humility and and also with a level of of humility and and also with a level of of humility and a level of confidence that maybe you a level of confidence that maybe you a level of confidence that maybe you haven't shown in the past. haven't shown in the past. haven't shown in the past. I was taking I was taking I was taking notes. I like to try to break everything notes. I like to try to break everything notes. I like to try to break everything down as simple as possible to see and down as simple as possible to see and down as simple as possible to see and then let's do it. Okay, I get it. So, I then let's do it. Okay, I get it. So, I then let's do it. Okay, I get it. So, I wrote down the the goal is trust. Yes. wrote down the the goal is trust. Yes. wrote down the the goal is trust. Yes. And trust is created from a win-win And trust is created from a win-win And trust is created from a win-win relationship. Or you could say that the relationship. Or you could say that the relationship. Or you could say that the degree of trust because nothing's black degree of trust because nothing's black degree of trust because nothing's black and white. So the degree of trust is the and white. So the degree of trust is the and white. So the degree of trust is the degree of that win-win. And if degree of that win-win. And if degree of that win-win. And if everybody's winning evenly, there's everybody's winning evenly, there's everybody's winning evenly, there's maximal trust. But if one person starts maximal trust. But if one person starts maximal trust. But if one person starts losing or another person starts winning losing or another person starts winning losing or another person starts winning more, well, that there's a little bit of more, well, that there's a little bit of more, well, that there's a little bit of imbalance of trust there. imbalance of trust there. imbalance of trust there. That win-win is like you said, it's only That win-win is like you said, it's only That win-win is like you said, it's only created by being vulnerable and created by being vulnerable and created by being vulnerable and methodical. So you have to have a strong methodical. So you have to have a strong methodical. So you have to have a strong clear intention of what the goal is to clear intention of what the goal is to clear intention of what the goal is to not get derailed but to be like you said not get derailed but to be like you said not get derailed but to be like you said humbled, grounded, humbled, grounded, humbled, grounded, centered and that vulnerability centered and that vulnerability centered and that vulnerability allows to stay in that middle road to allows to stay in that middle road to allows to stay in that middle road to not jump up to you know the over or not jump up to you know the over or not jump up to you know the over or under of gaining or losing which takes under of gaining or losing which takes under of gaining or losing which takes away from trust. away from trust. away from trust. That vulnerability allows you to have That vulnerability allows you to have That vulnerability allows you to have the communication or the the communication or the the communication or the discommunication. And if you have the discommunication. And if you have the discommunication. And if you have the communication with the vulnerability and communication with the vulnerability and communication with the vulnerability and everything else, you have the trust. But everything else, you have the trust. But everything else, you have the trust. But if on the opposite side, if you don't if on the opposite side, if you don't if on the opposite side, if you don't have any of that, that takes you to have any of that, that takes you to have any of that, that takes you to being lonely and sick. Yeah. Well, it's being lonely and sick. Yeah. Well, it's being lonely and sick. Yeah. Well, it's interesting because you essentially interesting because you essentially interesting because you essentially encompassed some aspects of the the encompassed some aspects of the the encompassed some aspects of the the pyramid from from Patrick Lencion. And pyramid from from Patrick Lencion. And pyramid from from Patrick Lencion. And so I want to share I mean we're both so I want to share I mean we're both so I want to share I mean we're both we're both brilliant men. So it's I we're both brilliant men. So it's I we're both brilliant men. So it's I haven't read any of his books but you haven't read any of his books but you haven't read any of his books but you you love him. So his work is really you love him. So his work is really you love him. So his work is really fantastic. And and again, I I think that fantastic. And and again, I I think that fantastic. And and again, I I think that part of my attraction to it was I wanted part of my attraction to it was I wanted part of my attraction to it was I wanted to I wanted to build a really great to I wanted to build a really great to I wanted to build a really great business and I knew that uh experience business and I knew that uh experience business and I knew that uh experience for our clientele was a big part of for our clientele was a big part of for our clientele was a big part of that. And in our model, experience was that. And in our model, experience was that. And in our model, experience was going to be dictated by the people that going to be dictated by the people that going to be dictated by the people that we had. And so I wanted to put a lot of we had. And so I wanted to put a lot of we had. And so I wanted to put a lot of my focus into my people opposed to, you my focus into my people opposed to, you my focus into my people opposed to, you know, talking about spreadsheets and know, talking about spreadsheets and know, talking about spreadsheets and numbers and profit and loss. You know, numbers and profit and loss. You know, numbers and profit and loss. You know, we needed to address those parts. But if we needed to address those parts. But if we needed to address those parts. But if you're trying to address that and not you're trying to address that and not you're trying to address that and not address your people, you're you're going address your people, you're you're going address your people, you're you're going to have a lose-lose situation. to have a lose-lose situation. to have a lose-lose situation. And but as I learned this and I I do And but as I learned this and I I do And but as I learned this and I I do think it's actually one of the reasons think it's actually one of the reasons think it's actually one of the reasons why we felt like there was an easy segue why we felt like there was an easy segue why we felt like there was an easy segue into parenting is you know we had this into parenting is you know we had this into parenting is you know we had this major crash course in in people and and major crash course in in people and and major crash course in in people and and how people operate and it's actually how people operate and it's actually how people operate and it's actually flowed tremendously into how we show up flowed tremendously into how we show up flowed tremendously into how we show up in our relationship but also in our in in our relationship but also in our in in our relationship but also in our in our parenting as well. our parenting as well. our parenting as well. Um, but he says some things that are Um, but he says some things that are Um, but he says some things that are just really interesting of, you know, if just really interesting of, you know, if just really interesting of, you know, if you don't have the trust, you're going you don't have the trust, you're going you don't have the trust, you're going to have fear of conflict. So, you have to have fear of conflict. So, you have to have fear of conflict. So, you have people fearing the bringing hard people fearing the bringing hard people fearing the bringing hard conversations to the table. And we all conversations to the table. And we all conversations to the table. And we all know this. We know there are certain know this. We know there are certain know this. We know there are certain people in our lives where we're like, people in our lives where we're like, people in our lives where we're like, I'm not even going to do it. Like, I'm I'm not even going to do it. Like, I'm I'm not even going to do it. Like, I'm not going to have the kind like I know not going to have the kind like I know not going to have the kind like I know how they're going to react. like I know how they're going to react. like I know how they're going to react. like I know they're going to lose it or they're they're going to lose it or they're they're going to lose it or they're going to be mad or they're going to take going to be mad or they're going to take going to be mad or they're going to take it personally and you just avoid the it personally and you just avoid the it personally and you just avoid the conversation and it's because there's a conversation and it's because there's a conversation and it's because there's a lack of trust and I'm sure that lack of trust and I'm sure that lack of trust and I'm sure that individual who's extremely reactive, individual who's extremely reactive, individual who's extremely reactive, they have a lack of trust inside of they have a lack of trust inside of they have a lack of trust inside of themsel. It's not really just external. themsel. It's not really just external. themsel. It's not really just external. Um, but if you if you have a lack of Um, but if you if you have a lack of Um, but if you if you have a lack of trust, you have this this roadblock on trust, you have this this roadblock on trust, you have this this roadblock on the ability to have these hard the ability to have these hard the ability to have these hard conversations, then there is going to be conversations, then there is going to be conversations, then there is going to be a lack of commitment and a lack of a lack of commitment and a lack of a lack of commitment and a lack of accountability. You know, you think accountability. You know, you think accountability. You know, you think about it, it's like if you have a person about it, it's like if you have a person about it, it's like if you have a person in your life in your life in your life that they are, you can't you can't be that they are, you can't you can't be that they are, you can't you can't be yourself, you can't be vulnerable, you yourself, you can't be vulnerable, you yourself, you can't be vulnerable, you can't have transparent, deep can't have transparent, deep can't have transparent, deep conversations with them because they're conversations with them because they're conversations with them because they're so reactive. so reactive. so reactive. You're not going to be overly You're not going to be overly You're not going to be overly accountable to showing up to their accountable to showing up to their accountable to showing up to their birthday party. You're not going to be birthday party. You're not going to be birthday party. You're not going to be overly accountable to show up when they overly accountable to show up when they overly accountable to show up when they quote unquote need you. You know, quote unquote need you. You know, quote unquote need you. You know, because there's no reciprocation. It's because there's no reciprocation. It's because there's no reciprocation. It's not a win-win. It's like it ends up not a win-win. It's like it ends up not a win-win. It's like it ends up being the them show. The only thing that being the them show. The only thing that being the them show. The only thing that I think people don't understand is I think people don't understand is I think people don't understand is that's what they want. They want those that's what they want. They want those that's what they want. They want those that deep connection if they want to put that deep connection if they want to put that deep connection if they want to put in the work for a deep conversation all in the work for a deep conversation all in the work for a deep conversation all these things to be vulnerable and have these things to be vulnerable and have these things to be vulnerable and have more of that tightness and trust more of that tightness and trust more of that tightness and trust but you start different you start in a but you start different you start in a but you start different you start in a different place with every single person different place with every single person different place with every single person like it's easy to compare like oh I have like it's easy to compare like oh I have like it's easy to compare like oh I have this with this person I wish I could this with this person I wish I could this with this person I wish I could have it with them and it's like they're have it with them and it's like they're have it with them and it's like they're different people you have a different different people you have a different different people you have a different relationship with them you're going to relationship with them you're going to relationship with them you're going to have a different starting point you have a different starting point you have a different starting point you can't compare one relationship with can't compare one relationship with can't compare one relationship with another cuz it's it's a completely another cuz it's it's a completely another cuz it's it's a completely different entity. So, you have to go different entity. So, you have to go different entity. So, you have to go into it with like that emptiness of into it with like that emptiness of into it with like that emptiness of like, okay, this is this is where we're like, okay, this is this is where we're like, okay, this is this is where we're going to start growing. You know, you go going to start growing. You know, you go going to start growing. You know, you go out to a field and you could get lucky out to a field and you could get lucky out to a field and you could get lucky and one field is already had been tilled and one field is already had been tilled and one field is already had been tilled and beautiful. The other field might and beautiful. The other field might and beautiful. The other field might need a lot of cleanup work first before need a lot of cleanup work first before need a lot of cleanup work first before you can get to that. It it it's all it's you can get to that. It it it's all it's you can get to that. It it it's all it's all relative to your your judgment. So all relative to your your judgment. So all relative to your your judgment. So stop judging because that's holding you stop judging because that's holding you stop judging because that's holding you back from being vulnerable and allowing back from being vulnerable and allowing back from being vulnerable and allowing you to actually start working on the you to actually start working on the you to actually start working on the relationship. Well, I think it's huge relationship. Well, I think it's huge relationship. Well, I think it's huge what you said because what I was just what you said because what I was just what you said because what I was just describing is is essentially what it describing is is essentially what it describing is is essentially what it looks like when a relationship is not looks like when a relationship is not looks like when a relationship is not built on trust. But that doesn't mean built on trust. But that doesn't mean built on trust. But that doesn't mean that you as the individual, as that you as the individual, as that you as the individual, as potentially the growthminded individual, potentially the growthminded individual, potentially the growthminded individual, hence why you're listening to this hence why you're listening to this hence why you're listening to this podcast, that doesn't mean that you podcast, that doesn't mean that you podcast, that doesn't mean that you can't be a part of shifting that can't be a part of shifting that can't be a part of shifting that dynamic. Because the individuals that dynamic. Because the individuals that dynamic. Because the individuals that are reactive and, you know, they they're are reactive and, you know, they they're are reactive and, you know, they they're not willing to have hard conversations, not willing to have hard conversations, not willing to have hard conversations, they kind of throw their emotions all they kind of throw their emotions all they kind of throw their emotions all over the place. Like those are wounded over the place. Like those are wounded over the place. Like those are wounded people. deep down they want a quality people. deep down they want a quality people. deep down they want a quality relationship. They just don't know how. relationship. They just don't know how. relationship. They just don't know how. And it's not your journey to fix them by And it's not your journey to fix them by And it's not your journey to fix them by any means. But if they are a person any means. But if they are a person any means. But if they are a person that's important to you, you can show up that's important to you, you can show up that's important to you, you can show up in a certain in a certain in a certain way as a a vulnerable way and you can way as a a vulnerable way and you can way as a a vulnerable way and you can also show up with the intention of that also show up with the intention of that also show up with the intention of that win-win and that could potentially win-win and that could potentially win-win and that could potentially deepen the trust with that individual. deepen the trust with that individual. deepen the trust with that individual. This is essentially the conversation This is essentially the conversation This is essentially the conversation that I was having with our friend here that I was having with our friend here that I was having with our friend here in Italy about his brother. I'm like, in Italy about his brother. I'm like, in Italy about his brother. I'm like, it's not for you to fix him or change it's not for you to fix him or change it's not for you to fix him or change him. That's his own journey. But you can him. That's his own journey. But you can him. That's his own journey. But you can show up in a certain way to kind of show up in a certain way to kind of show up in a certain way to kind of what's that phrase extend I always [  ] what's that phrase extend I always [  ] what's that phrase extend I always [ __ ] these up. The olive branch. I don't these up. The olive branch. I don't these up. The olive branch. I don't know. know. know. But it's like you can you can be really But it's like you can you can be really But it's like you can you can be really happy with how you showed happy with how you showed happy with how you showed up and extend that, you know, that up and extend that, you know, that up and extend that, you know, that invitation that I'll branch. He might invitation that I'll branch. He might invitation that I'll branch. He might take it, he might take it, he might take it, he might not. But at least for you, you know that not. But at least for you, you know that not. But at least for you, you know that you tried. And you know, again, we can't you tried. And you know, again, we can't you tried. And you know, again, we can't take responsibility for other people, take responsibility for other people, take responsibility for other people, but there are ways that we can show up but there are ways that we can show up but there are ways that we can show up that will deepen trust even with people that will deepen trust even with people that will deepen trust even with people that have been a bit difficult in our that have been a bit difficult in our that have been a bit difficult in our lives. So, wrapping it up, you might not be So, wrapping it up, you might not be So, wrapping it up, you might not be lonely and sick now, but life is like a lonely and sick now, but life is like a lonely and sick now, but life is like a roller coaster. roller coaster. roller coaster. And we can either better understand this And we can either better understand this And we can either better understand this concept to help ourselves in the future concept to help ourselves in the future concept to help ourselves in the future if we do and or like Dr. Nicole said be if we do and or like Dr. Nicole said be if we do and or like Dr. Nicole said be able to change how we interact with able to change how we interact with able to change how we interact with somebody that is lonely and sick because somebody that is lonely and sick because somebody that is lonely and sick because now we kind of understand more of the now we kind of understand more of the now we kind of understand more of the process of how and why they got there. process of how and why they got there. process of how and why they got there. And if we want to grow that trust and we And if we want to grow that trust and we And if we want to grow that trust and we want to grow uh that relationship, um want to grow uh that relationship, um want to grow uh that relationship, um it's like you said, it's not science, it's like you said, it's not science, it's like you said, it's not science, but there's really a methodology um to but there's really a methodology um to but there's really a methodology um to be able to create trusting strong be able to create trusting strong be able to create trusting strong relationships. relationships. relationships. Yeah. And I I invite you guys to think Yeah. And I I invite you guys to think Yeah. And I I invite you guys to think about quality over quantity. You know, about quality over quantity. You know, about quality over quantity. You know, there are definitely people that are there are definitely people that are there are definitely people that are like, I'm not lonely. This is totally like, I'm not lonely. This is totally like, I'm not lonely. This is totally irrelevant to me. I have so many friends irrelevant to me. I have so many friends irrelevant to me. I have so many friends and I have a huge family and that's and I have a huge family and that's and I have a huge family and that's great but you know when you really look great but you know when you really look great but you know when you really look at the quality of those relationships at the quality of those relationships at the quality of those relationships you know are these you know are these you know are these people people that you feel a fair people people that you feel a fair people people that you feel a fair exchange with or are these people that exchange with or are these people that exchange with or are these people that you find yourself resenting at certain you find yourself resenting at certain you find yourself resenting at certain times because there is an unfair times because there is an unfair times because there is an unfair exchange? You know are these people the exchange? You know are these people the exchange? You know are these people the people that are going to be your quote people that are going to be your quote people that are going to be your quote unquote ride or die? you know, if you unquote ride or die? you know, if you unquote ride or die? you know, if you need something or you're, you know, need something or you're, you know, need something or you're, you know, dealing with some turmoil, you know, are dealing with some turmoil, you know, are dealing with some turmoil, you know, are they there to have your back or are they they there to have your back or are they they there to have your back or are they really just there when, you know, you're really just there when, you know, you're really just there when, you know, you're having a birthday party at your house? having a birthday party at your house? having a birthday party at your house? So, you know, this is these are all So, you know, this is these are all So, you know, this is these are all things to to consider. And really, if things to to consider. And really, if things to to consider. And really, if you are an entrepreneur and a business you are an entrepreneur and a business you are an entrepreneur and a business owner, you have to understand that owner, you have to understand that owner, you have to understand that avoiding avoiding avoiding conflict with your customer and avoiding conflict with your customer and avoiding conflict with your customer and avoiding avoiding conflict with a bad review, avoiding conflict with a bad review, avoiding conflict with a bad review, avoiding conflict with an employee, it's avoiding conflict with an employee, it's avoiding conflict with an employee, it's always going to blow up later. Some of always going to blow up later. Some of always going to blow up later. Some of it will blow up quickly, some of it will it will blow up quickly, some of it will it will blow up quickly, some of it will take a while. So it's really important take a while. So it's really important take a while. So it's really important for you if you are a founder of the for you if you are a founder of the for you if you are a founder of the company, if you are, you know, someone company, if you are, you know, someone company, if you are, you know, someone in charge leading the company, which if in charge leading the company, which if in charge leading the company, which if you are an entrepreneur, you are that you are an entrepreneur, you are that you are an entrepreneur, you are that person. It doesn't matter if you've person. It doesn't matter if you've person. It doesn't matter if you've hired a COO or a CEO, you are still the hired a COO or a CEO, you are still the hired a COO or a CEO, you are still the leader to those leaders. And it's leader to those leaders. And it's leader to those leaders. And it's important for you to not only encompass important for you to not only encompass important for you to not only encompass this yourself, but it's also to have this yourself, but it's also to have this yourself, but it's also to have your leaders, managers, directors, your leaders, managers, directors, your leaders, managers, directors, whatever you want to call them, whatever you want to call them, whatever you want to call them, encompass this because this allows encompass this because this allows encompass this because this allows people to feel heard. It deepens the people to feel heard. It deepens the people to feel heard. It deepens the trust. It avoids problems blowing up trust. It avoids problems blowing up trust. It avoids problems blowing up that cascade into other parts of life that cascade into other parts of life that cascade into other parts of life and business. It's really, in our and business. It's really, in our and business. It's really, in our experience, one of the key factors to experience, one of the key factors to experience, one of the key factors to better family dynamics, better business better family dynamics, better business better family dynamics, better business practices, and also practices, and also practices, and also just feeling like you are showing up as just feeling like you are showing up as just feeling like you are showing up as a leader. You're showing up in the in a leader. You're showing up in the in a leader. You're showing up in the in the best way that you can for the people the best way that you can for the people the best way that you can for the people around you. around you. around you. Yeah. And that's the ultimate goal is Yeah. And that's the ultimate goal is Yeah. And that's the ultimate goal is just to live an awesome, amazing life. just to live an awesome, amazing life. just to live an awesome, amazing life. And you can't do that without um And you can't do that without um And you can't do that without um maximizing each one of your buckets. So, maximizing each one of your buckets. So, maximizing each one of your buckets. So, it's it's a great tool. All right, guys. it's it's a great tool. All right, guys. it's it's a great tool. All right, guys. Until next time.