Why Traditional Talk Therapy Keeps You Stuck
Episode 285
In this episode of Integrative You Radio, Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers dive deep into why traditional talk therapy might not be working for many people—and how a higher level of self-awareness, accountability, and growth-focused questioning can create real transformation. They explore the importance of working with mentors and therapists who have actually achieved the level of consciousness and balance you’re striving for, and why simply feeling “good” after a session isn’t the metric for true progress. The conversation is raw, honest, and sprinkled with truth bombs about empowerment, breaking the victim cycle, and raising your standards for personal growth. #TalkTherapy #PersonalGrowth #SelfAwareness #Accountability #VictimToVictor #TherapyRevolution #EmotionalIntelligence #ConsciousLiving #MindsetShift #IntegrativeYou #LimitlessLiving #Empowerment #BreakthroughExperience #QuantumHealing 3 Key Takeaways: Therapy Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All: Not all therapists (or coaches, doctors, or mentors) are equipped to take you where you want to go. If your sessions feel too harmonious or validating, it might be time to seek out someone who challenges you and asks the tough questions that spark real growth. Accountability Over Victimhood: True transformation happens when you stop blaming external circumstances and start recognizing yourself as the common denominator in your challenges. Empowerment comes from shifting from victim to victor. Growth Requires Discomfort: If therapy is just a feel-good story hour, you’re missing out. The best breakthroughs come from being challenged, facing your limiting beliefs, and working with someone who’s already walked the path you want to travel. Quotes: “The only thing you can control is yourself in the present moment. As soon as you move from victim to victor, that’s where the magic happens.” “If your therapist is validating your story and not willing to say you are the common denominator in your problems, they’re not doing their
Topics: therapy, growth, talk, unknown, integrative, traditional, good, accountability
Key takeaways from this episode
- ## Episode: Why Traditional Talk Therapy Keeps You Stuck
- Seek Empowering Guidance:** Not all therapists are equipped to facilitate deep personal growth; look for mentors and therapists who have achieved the balance and consciousness you aspire to.
- Embrace Accountability:** True progress involves recognizing yourself as the common factor in your challenges and shifting from a victim mentality to one of empowerment.
- Growth Within Discomfort:** Genuine breakthroughs often arise from challenging limiting beliefs and engaging in sessions that push beyond simple validation.
- Limitations of traditional talk therapy
Pull quotes
This is the place where you become limitless. **Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior.
We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare.
If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place, but buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive. **Unknown:** This is Integrative U Radio.
Transcript
**Unknown:** Welcome to Integrative U Radio, hosted by Dr. Nick Carruthers and yours truly, Dr. Nicole Rivera. This is the place where you become limitless.
**Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior. We are also covering how those topics affect the human and family dynamics. We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare. If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place, but buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive.
**Unknown:** This is Integrative U Radio. What's up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of Integrative U Radio. I'm laughing because- Let's do it.
**Unknown:** I'm trying, for YouTubers, I'm trying to get Nick to change up his glasses, and he's like, "I don't like how these feel." If you haven't, uh, if you've listened to us for a while- ... you realize that I'm on the spectrum. So... So speaking about feelings.
**Unknown:** I've got tactile issues, and always have. Um, you don't, Nick doesn't even know what topic we're rolling into, 'cause I'm just like, "Get on the computer now." Um, but I think you're gonna be excited, because we are going to talk about traditional talk therapy, and when and, and why it might not be beneficial for some people. And, you know, for those of you that don't know us, do know us, uh, we have a big component to what we do with our private clients which is very focused around helping them break through mental and emotional blocks. And then also to help them recalibrate or calibrate to the best version of themselves.
**Unknown:** So we know that the mind is really powerful, and we're not advocating for people to not do therapy. Um, but we really want to shed light on why therapy might not be helping anymore, it might not have helped from the start, or it's- Well- ... keeping you possibly trapped. If you've listened to any of our podcast, a quote that we, one of us usually says, "It's not what you do but how you do it that matters most." So it's not that therapy is good or bad, it's not that biohacking's good or bad, it's not that taking supplements are good or bad, not that working out is good or bad.
**Unknown:** It's how you do it that can, quote-unquote, "build you up or break you down even more." And that's, yes, that's what I'm excited about talking. So I... For those of you that are like, "I don't have a lot of time," I'm gonna give you the, the high level cliff notes really quick of the top, the things that we're gonna talk about in this podcast. Sometimes I'm like, can I speak English or Italian?
**Unknown:** I don't think I can even speak either nowadays. This is a four-month-old... Uh, we have a baby. This is, like, mom brain from a four-month-old.
**Unknown:** So here we are. But one is do you know much about your therapist, and have they actually surpassed where you're trying to go? Have they actually asked the right questions of where you're trying to go? What are your desired outcomes from working with a therapist other than, "I don't wanna be sad"?
**Unknown:** Like, what's the bigger picture? What's the bigger goal? And have they asked you that? Are they asking questions at all, or are they validating your story around all the things that have happened to you or all the things that are making you sad, making you anxious, keeping you stuck?
**Unknown:** Has your life changed since working with them? Has it changed in a good way? Has it changed in a bad way? Has it changed at all?
**Unknown:** If it hasn't changed at all, that's a problem. If it's changed in a bad way, that's a- another problem. Um, we'll dive deeper into that topic, 'cause Nick looks up and he's like... I'm, I'm taking notes.
**Unknown:** I'm like... And the other thing that I actually wanna bring to you from a scientific perspective is actually where your therapist is at. And this is not just a therapist. This is a doctor, this is a life coach, this is a mentor, a teacher, a professor.
**Unknown:** It, it, it can go across the board. But depending on who you're taking mentorship advice from, it makes a big difference where they are at mentally and emotionally, and this has been proven by science. This has been proven, uh, by, uh, David Hawkins, who created The Map of Consciousness, which we're gonna talk about. And this has actually been proven in a corporate setting as well, uh, based on teams and their performance.
**Unknown:** So this is gonna be really interesting for you to kind of wrap your head around, because it's very, very important who you hire to help you overcome a very specific obstacle in your life. So that's the cliff notes of what we're gonna dive into, and it's gonna be fucking awesome. So Nick, let's, let's go. What do you, what do you got first?
**Unknown:** Where do you wanna challenge me in the podcast already? I was taking notes, 'cause I didn't know what the hell we were gonna talk about, as usual. Um, we'll start out with just the broad and get more specific. So traditional talk therapyQuote, unquote, "Why is it good?
**Unknown:** Why is it bad?" Uh, the good part of it is, you know, to go to talk therapy, you're acknowledging that you have a problem- Mm ... and that's the first, you know, part of the process is actually having awareness that you have a problem. I would say the second part of that process that traditional talk therapy sometimes doesn't help out with is acknowledging that if you have a problem, you're a part- Challenge ... of the problem and you have a challenge, you have a stressor.
**Unknown:** If, if you're experiencing, uh, an issue, well, you're a part of it, and a lot of therapists don't, I think, um, go deep enough to push that if you're a part of the problem, like understand this, you are a part of the problem. Well, I always laugh- You, you don't need to change- ... when you think about it- You don't need to be changing somebody else to- Yeah ... to solve your problem.
**Unknown:** If you're a part of the problem, you, you... I'm gonna say it one more time, you are a part of the problem, which means you have an opportunity to change yourself to change the problem. Not changing somebody else- Yeah ... changing you.
**Unknown:** That's the only thing that you have power to do, and I think this is the biggest mistake that most therapists do is that they're, they help somebody else figure out what they can do to change their scenario externally around them. That's not why it fucking happened. The problem is a gift to help you change yourself to be a better version of yourself. Yep.
**Unknown:** Well, I wanna- It's called you're either being empowered and you're taking accountability and you're growing yourself, or you're staying disempowered and you're putting the blame exterior, outside of yourself, and you're waiting for your life to get better based on somebody else or something else. That's fucking insanity, and that pisses me off. Oh . All right.
**Unknown:** Go ahead. You wanted to talk shit to me in the last podcast- ... when I got all heated. Tell us- All right.
**Unknown:** Go ahead ... tell me how you really feel, Nick. I'm great. Everything, everything is fine.
**Unknown:** Great. Yeah. Well, I think of two things. Um, one is...
**Unknown:** A- and this kind of goes to the topic of where is your therapist at in their level of personal growth and development? Where are they from a level of confidence and expertise in what they do? Because if your therapist is validating your story, there's an aspect of wanting harmony, and this is something that I learned the hard way from a business perspective, 'cause it applies to all different parts of life, is conflict avoided is conflict multiplied. And so if your therapist is not willing to ask you hard question, i- is not willing to say, "You are the common denominator in the laundry list of problems that you just reported," then they're not doing their job, because this isn't about making you happy in that moment, because that happiness is temporary.
**Unknown:** It's a dopamine hit. Someone understands me. Someone finally gets me. Someone finally knows that I'm right in this situation.
**Unknown:** But in reality, the reason why we have problems and challenges and obstacles is because there's something for us to learn, and there is an opportunity for us to grow and rise above it. Like, you have to understand the reason why this shit comes up in your life. It's not because you have bad luck, bad genes, and, and, you know, maybe you do have toxic people in your life. That's a different story.
**Unknown:** But you know, th- there is an opportunity for yourself, not an opportunity for someone else to agree with you, and this is what Nick is saying, is that we tend to be a victim to a lot of the things that are happening, quote, unquote, "to us," and we fail to acknowledge that we are the common denominator in every single thing that we perceive as bad. And you can't control anyone else. You can't, you can't control outcomes for the future. You can't control any of that.
**Unknown:** The only thing that you can control is yourself in the present moment, and that is where the power is, and that's where you should be empowered. Because as soon as you can move from victim to victor, that's where the magic is gonna happen. It's not gonna be because you are waiting for someone else, your partner, your kids, your boss, to change. That's, like Nick said, fucking insanity.
**Unknown:** So I wanna piggyback on, you talked about it's not about being happy, you know, going to a therapist. Um, a lot of times people are going to a therapist, you know, whether you're sad, whether you're frustrated, whether you're angry, mad, fill in the blank. Most people don't go to a therapist because they're happy, um, because they're, you know, ecstatic 'cause they think that life is just even better than it should be. They're going to a therapist because they have a problem.
**Unknown:** And what they're wanting to get, wanting to get is what? That opposite feeling. Yep. So if they're sad, they're going to a therapist, they're wanting to get happy.
**Unknown:** If, you know, mad, blah, blah, blah. Fill in the blank. It's always they're- Calm. Yeah ...
**Unknown:** they're h- they're wanting to get the opposite. If they're experiencing chaos and war, they wanna leave feeling peaceful. And that's not necessarily a bad thing if a therapist can achieve that, because most therapists can't even achieve that. But the problem is, is that they're just growing that cycle of- Right ...
**Unknown:** the, the, the story that caused the imbalance and then the need to try to experience the opposite.And that cycle is gonna continue because you feel like, "Shit, oh, I felt what I really wanted, the opposite. I feel good." And then I go and I feel like shit. And it's just a yo-yo, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And the therapist is gonna make a lot of money because you have to go to them for the rest of the life.
**Unknown:** Um, not a bad business plan. What I always know when I'm working through something myself, with a client, that at the end, A, the only thing they have to say is, not to me, about the scenario, whoever- wh- whatever the situation, the moment's entailing, is that, "Thank you," comes out of their mouth. If it's with another person that's part of the problem, "I love you." That it's just gratitude. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And one of the trickery questions I ask is like, "Okay, that's awesome," blah, blah, blah. "So what would you, like, still wanna change?" And then I watch their eyes, I watch body language, et cetera. If they wanna change anything, you still have judgment around something. Yep.
**Unknown:** The only time that you know that cycle has, quote unquote, been resolved- Mm-hmm ... and ended, collapsed, if you're looking at it in the scientific aspect, is that there's nothing to change. There's nothing to change because that moment was actually perfectly created for me so that I could better serve myself, so I could be a more authentic version of self, so I could love myself more. I- we can't give something that we don't have.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. So you have to be more to be able to give more. You have to love yourself more if you wanna give more love. You have to be more gentle.
**Unknown:** You have to be all those things. Everything that we learn through those hard times, the challenge, is really one of the most beautiful parts of our life because it's the opportunity to grow ourselves and then to be able to give more of ourselves to our family, to our humanity, to our work, to whatever's important to you. Yeah. And that is...
**Unknown:** You talked about change, like are they feeling no change? Are they feeling good or bad? All those are, quote unquote, "wrong." Because if you're not feeling change, well, you're just not connected because the only constant in life is change. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** If you're feeling good, you're polarized and seeing more benefits than drawbacks. If you're feeling bad, you're polarized on seeing more bad than good, more drawbacks than benefits. The only thing that I want to see, that I wanna feel, I wanna experience is gratitude. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** Unconditional love, gratitude, thank you, joy, those are all balanced feelings. Yeah. Every other feeling- That's a really huge point for people to understand is that there... a lot of people are chasing happiness.
**Unknown:** But I'm like, you know, we live in a world where you can watch a show and feel happy for a little while. You can go buy an outfit and feel happy for a little while. You can go smoke a cigarette and feel happy for a little while. You can go have a glass of wine and feel happy for a little while.
**Unknown:** Like, it is not the proper measurement tool for having a really great life filled with joy, gratitude, and even peace, like a, a, a level of, like, inner peace is what I mean. I don't, I don't necessarily mean outer, but- Well, and this is- ... just feeling very, very grounded and, and gracious for what you have in this moment. And this is awesome you say that 'cause a lot of times people don't understand just me talking in general.
**Unknown:** Um- It makes sense to my head- ... but I don't operate as the normal person. That's why I'm here- Um- ... to give the, uh, the, uh- Hence- ...
**Unknown:** you know, interpretation. Hence that spectrum quote before. But if you're chasing happiness, you know, when we look at it through the eyes of physics, you know, before I said the therapist is giving you the opposite of what you wanted. So, like, you were talking about happiness.
**Unknown:** If you come in sad, the therapist is trying to make you leave happy, blah, blah, blah. Oh my God, it smells like roses. But that's, that's not the goal. The goal is the gratitude.
**Unknown:** So when you think about, like, Einstein, he described it for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. So if we feel a level of sadness, there's an equal and opposite level of happiness. And this is also a big thing that therapists don't do at all. They haven't been trained in...
**Unknown:** They haven't been trained in, like, the science of how the, the mind works, I guess you would- And also, just to be clear for those of you that you're like, "Well, don't they have a psychology degree?" We're not talking about psychology. We're talking about actual physics, like quantum physics, because there is a, a, a physics aspect when it comes to how the brain operates. So this is not just about psychology. Your best therapist or your best, um, individuals to help you grow, you know, mentally and emotionally are those that have a diverse set of, of knowledge and skills.
**Unknown:** Every ology is grown to get a more specific interpretation based off of the foundation of science, which is physics and quantum physics. Physics is the s- the study of the physical, and the quantum is, you know, the physics of the unphysical. And both of those are actually incomplete, so there's another part that we're missing that we'll get it, probably AI will figure out before man, but we'll see. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction.
**Unknown:** So if there's bad, there's an equal amount of good. This isn't like, "Oh my God, this is bad here, so good's gonna happen in the future." No. Yeah. That's a good point.
**Unknown:** It's in the moment 'cause that's the only true aspect of reality is the moment. So we had a moment of perception that was either balanced, grace, gratitude, unconditional love, not the conditional love, but unconditional love, and everything's balanced. Good and bad, balanced. Benefits, drawbacks, balanced.
**Unknown:** But in that moment where we perceived more bad, more difficult, more frustration, well, there is also an equal and opposite reaction in that exact moment. So the only way to, quote-unquote, "resolve" that imbalanced perception, the imbalanced mind, that stress that we perceive that then the body has to deal with, is to balance out that perception, to grow the awareness of, okay, in that moment, what was the good? What was the benefits? How did that serve me?
**Unknown:** Until that positive charge, the good, equals the negative charge, the bad. And when the mind becomes balanced, it's called equanimity, when the mind becomes balanced in charge in that perception of good and bad, guess what? There's no more stress response. And when there's absolutely no stress response, there's nothing to change, that's when we actually feel unconditional love.
**Unknown:** That's when we feel gratitude. That's when we, you know, the, the two aspects of the wave, the positive and negative charge, collapses on each other. Mm-hmm. So that's why there's no more stress response.
**Unknown:** There's actually no more physical stress response. Mm-hmm. And, you know, that's when, I don't really like the word healing, um, but that's when, when people think of healing- Transformation. That's when, that's when transformation occurs.
**Unknown:** Yeah. Well, and also in this moment, I wanna give a shout-out to, you know, Dr. Demartini, who was really the individual who helped us understand these concepts. And for those of you that wanna dive deeper into even, you know, just seeing, um, some individuals that went through this type of thought-provoking questioning, um, which is part of the work that Nick does, it's part of the work that Dr.
**Unknown:** Demartini does, is the documentary, The Breakthrough Experi- is it The Breakthrough? No, it's just The Breakthrough. I always wanna say The Breakthrough Experience 'cause that's the name of the methodology, but it's called The Breakthrough. It's, uh, available on Amazon.
**Unknown:** Uh, Nick and I are both in it. Our baby Quentin is in it, and Nick is- ... actually the narrator of it. So for those of you that are really intrigued right now, I highly recommend going and checking that out.
**Unknown:** Um, but in this moment, I also want to... I, I want to, um, piggyback off of everything that you just said, Nick, because, you know, one thing that I, I think more so in the past before we were very transparent and, um, very particular on how we took calls for new people that wanted to work with us, because now we, we have just a, a framework where you know exactly what you're getting yourself into before you work with us, but also we're very selective on who we work with because we wanna work with people that really are able to take what we do and run with it and, and create the most amazing life that they could ever desire. Um, and, and one of the things is that when people came from traditional talk therapy and then would go in and work with Dr. Nick, they would sometimes be like, "Whoa," because one, he was asking a lot of questions and not, it wasn't about them doing story time.
**Unknown:** You know, "Oh, my husband, my partner, my wife, my this, and all the problems, and this happened to me," and it was a lot about very thought-provoking questioning. And there was a level of asking hard questions that if someone was not in a place of awareness or they weren't really in it for growth, they were just in it for that energy dump, they would be like, "Oh, you know, you mean to tell me that I gotta go do work after this? You mean to tell me that I'm not right? You mean to tell me that that was, there was good in that bad situation?" And, you know, there are certain people that can't handle that in that moment.
**Unknown:** It's not saying that, that they can't get there, um, but it's also not the reason why they sought out therapy. They sought out therapy because they wanted to feel good. They wanted to be able to energetically dump. That's one of the things that I know that I experienced when I was young is I would always want to, if I had something going on, I would always wanna talk to select friends, and those are the select friends that would validate me, they would agree with me, and they would sit and listen, allow me to dump all my problems, which was a fantastic energetic release for me.
**Unknown:** I didn't know that at that time, but I avoided the friends that would challenge me. I avoided the friends that would ask thought-provoking questions. And so you have to really think about, you know, where are you on that spectrum? And if you are in a place of like, "You know what?
**Unknown:** I've done the, I've, I've done the therapy where I just, you know, tell the story and they listen, and I'm looking for a solution. I'm looking for something different. I'm looking for someone to challenge me. I'm looking for growth.
**Unknown:** I want to overcome this," then it's time to start to look outside of that box. Because if you really want to grow, and you really want to tap into the best version of yourself, and you really want to transform your life, then guess what? These sessions, we can call them therapy if you choose, they shouldn't be harmonious. They shouldn't be feel good.
**Unknown:** They should be con- they, they should be constructed in a way that it asks thought-provoking questions that will help you think outside of the current box, that will help you to collapse shit holding you back, and grow yourself by shifting your mindset and collapsingPrograms or belief systems that are holding you back Yeah, and don't judge yourself if, you know, you said that, you know, you think of the, the moment, the experience, situation, and you're like, "There's no good in that." Mm-hmm. You know, that's- It's hard ... that-- Well, no, that's perfectly okay because if you could see the good in it, you actually could take yourself through it. You could resolve it yourself.
**Unknown:** Like even myself, you know, Demartini goes through this in mathematics, and he goes, "If your, if your mind is polarized above a one to seven or seven to one ratio, you, you need a-- you need help from somebody else to ask you these questions to help you grow that reflective awareness, that reflective consciousness." So if you start by saying, "No, there's no, no good, there's no benefits," that's perfect. Like, that's okay. But if you fight to stay there, well, then you're gonna have an issue. It's not my issue.
**Unknown:** Like, I'll keep asking different questions to try to crack you. Mm-hmm. But if you're that attached, that just means that you figured out that you're using it to serve yourself, and you don't want to lose that, which, you know, is gonna keep you stuck. But like you said, my favorite part is looking at the, the individual, and like you said, getting crystal clear on the goals.
**Unknown:** What are they wanting to achieve? And then figuring out the most efficient kind of plan to get there. 'Cause it's not just about, you know, we all got shit in our past. But it's like, what, what's directly tied to you not achieving this goal?
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. And w-w-what can we do in a very specific framework to release your foot on the brake that's keeping you from achieving that? And as soon as you do release the foot on the brake, well, you're still not going anywhere. So then we have to also intelligently put your foot on the gas, and what's fun is we can use the same techniques but change them from, you know, trying to resolve an issue to just propelling you forward, and that's a lot, that's a lot of fun for me.
**Unknown:** So the last point that I wanted to kind of wrap this up with is, you know, this idea that the level of growth and mental consciousness that your therapist has or whomever you are choosing to, um, be on a journey of, of, you know, self-growth and development with will directly impact your outcomes. And this can sound crazy, but the individual who created the map of consciousness, which was essentially a numerical way to help you understand where you are at with your mental and emotional state, and he actually showcased some of the lowest vibration emotions which keep you feeling really, really, really shitty are guilt, shame, anger. Guilt and shame are actually the lowest. And so when you're in a place of guilting yourself or feeling shamed about something, if it's your own internal dialogue, if it's someone guilt and shaming you, um, you're, you're in a very low place where you're going to actually be attracting or creating a lot of chaos around you.
**Unknown:** It's gonna feel like you're literally hitting rock bottom or you're in the fucking trenches taking grenades. Like, you know, those are some of the phrases that come to mind. And so essentially, when you start to grow yourself, there are higher levels of consciousness and, you know, just being neutral, being like, you know, "I'm gonna kind of roll with the good, I'm gonna roll with the bad," and then it goes up from there. But essentially, if your therapist, if your doctor, if your life coach, whomever you are working with is in one of those lower vibration places, they, they live out of a place of fear, they live out of a place of worry, they live out of a place of anger, or they have, um, deep-rooted, uh, burrowed anger, or they live in guilt and shame because of external factors or internal factors, this will actually scientifically affect your ability to get outcomes by working with them.
**Unknown:** How so? That's for y- That's the question for you to answer. I a- I asked you first. We'll compare answers.
**Unknown:** Well, part of it is they have not achieved what you are trying to achieve. So if you're trying to achieve a better life, if you want to achieve more level of peace, neutrality, enlightenment, uh, love, quality relationships, if they're in those low vibration emotions, then chances are they have not achieved where you're trying to go. It's very difficult for someone to take you somewhere that you have never been-- they have never been. No, yeah.
**Unknown:** It's, it's, um... You did a good job. Um- Thanks. Oh my God.
**Unknown:** You get to get a-- I'll, I'll give a couple scenarios, which I usually don't do. Um, but, you know, there's a reason that the CEO of Amazon, of Tesla, you know, of these huge companies are a different caliber, a different mindset from a mom and pop CEO. Mm-hmm. And it's because a mom and pop CEO, they don't have the level of awareness and balanced awareness to be able to handle stress, challenges, and to-- You c- A challenge and a stress is just a hidden opportunity, and if you don't have a balanced mind, you'll miss the opportunity.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. These CEOs have such a large balanced awareness that they're not distracted by the pain, by the chaos, by the problems.Because they see through it and they see the opportunity so they can use it for what it truly is as not something in the way, something on the way to serve them and serve the company. It's funny because I have the two business certifications with Scaling Up and Metronomics, and there was a moment where, you know, as we were... I was going through the training and they said, you know, "Don't be confused with what the best CEOs are and what they're not." And they're like, "The best CEOs in companies are the ones that are willing to take on the challenges and make the hardest decisions on a daily basis.
**Unknown:** Not on a quarterly basis, not on a monthly basis, on a daily basis. They, they navigate, you know, the most difficult challenges for companies with strategy, with poise, with, um, without emotional charge, and they're able to make really hard decisions every single day." Well, and the fun part about it is it's, it's not saying it's not hard, but they're not that difficult to them. Oh, of course. Of course.
**Unknown:** They're just like they're wired that way. Like- And they- It's- They're- Well, and they've grown, they've grown themselves. You know? It's like that level of consciousness, like we all s- start out with, you know, guilt and shame, et cetera.
**Unknown:** Like, we all have that in our life. But it's like, do we stay there or did we figure out how to use it, to grow it, to ch- transform that- Mm-hmm ... and to love, grace, gratitude- Mm-hmm ... and joy.
**Unknown:** So when you're talking about, you know, who are you working with, you should have a decent idea of where they are on their path, because they can't give you something that they don't have themselves. Mm-hmm. And it's also, you know, uh, it, it's 100% normal for you to ask your own person that you're hiring questions. You know, "Why do you do what you do?
**Unknown:** How did you get into this?" You know, "What's the driver for continuing to do it? I imagine it's difficult work." Um, and, you know, being able to get that feedback from them as to why they do what they do. Because in our experience with, uh, I would say meeting a lot of therapists that wanted to do collaborations with us when we had Integrative Wellness Group and even Integrative You, you know, a lot of times they were doing what they do out of a void, and they were doing it out of a level of desperation and not inspiration. They weren't inspired to help people become the best versions of themselves and to, um, have the best outcomes for whatever their vision is.
**Unknown:** They were doing it out of their own personal void of, "I was depressed and now I wanna help other people not be depressed." Like, that's not a great reason to do what you do, and that is also a facade. And also, that doesn't consider that what if the person, that's not what their outcome, their desired outcome is. What if their desired outcome is something completely different? How are you helping them if y- you're only looking at a patient from one lens?
**Unknown:** And, you know, you're not going to... If you're just starting out in the world, and depending on how big your goals are, like, you're not probably gonna start out with the best coach, the best therapist, the best et cetera. Mm-hmm. Because, you know, it's a journey to, to go up that ladder.
**Unknown:** You know? Yeah. Our first- Oh, 100%. Our first, our first business coach, you know, she's what we needed.
**Unknown:** We, we- Exactly ... we weren't ready for somebody that was, you know, who we need now. Like- Yeah ... we're two different levels of awareness- But at the same time- ...
**Unknown:** of growth ... and, and this is- Better ... kind of why I said what I said earlier about, you know, when... Since starting therapy, where are you at?
**Unknown:** You know, how has your life changed? Have you been able to make better decisions? Have you been able to, you know, do things that are more self-serving, or do you feel stuck, or do you f- even feel backwards? And I say this because of actually the scienti- scientific, um, study that was proving, uh, performance in corporate work- work places.
**Unknown:** And essentially they found that, you know, in teams, that if there were, let's call it five people on a team, and there were four A players, top performers, and there was only one underperformer, it actually dropped the performance of the team by 30%. So even though it's a four-to-one ratio, one crappy employee brought down the performance and the morale of the rest of the team who were all A players, like top, top people, by 30%. Like, that's a big percentage. And so essentially you have to think about this in relation to your, the people that surround you and the people that you hire to help you.
**Unknown:** So if you're surrounded by really negative victim mindset people, you're gonna tend to be held back in certain ways because of who you collectively surround yourself with. And this also goes for if you have, you know, an, an individual who's helping you, uh, from a therapy perspective, and they validate your story and they essentially chime in and almost talk crap on the person that you're bringing to the therapy session, you know, you will have outcomes directly related to that individual that not only are you surrounding yourself with, but you are actually delegating your own personal, um, thought processes to. Yeah. As, as we're kinda wrapping things up, you know, for me-This, it's a lot, can be confusing for people.
**Unknown:** So I would say, like, a quick red flag for you to know that if a therapist, a coach isn't good is if they're siding with something or someone, um, because that's just growing that division, that separation, which is actually the causation of that problem, of that issue, of that cycle, so. And I'll piggyback off that and give you my one tip as well, is if you're a person who you tend to be a learner, you tend to, you know, always think outside the box, you know, you, you really are working towards creating a great life for yourself in whatever vision that is, and you've been doing therapy 'cause you feel like it's the right thing to do, and you feel like it's helped you. If you feel like you've gotten to a place that you are just personally just stuck, and you feel like a lot of the sessions are more harmonious, there's, there's not a lot of question asking, it's, it's very... You feel very nice afterwards, it might be time for you to go up that ladder, as we, Dr.
**Unknown:** Nick mentioned earlier, is being able to then work with a therapist who is going to create more thought-provoking questions. You know, be able to challenge you in a way for growth, challenge you in a way for you to be bold enough to create the life that you really, really want, to attract the partner that you want, to parent your kids that is best aligned to your family values, so on and so forth. So it, it's definitely understanding that not all therapy should look the same, and there are different iterations of it. And as you grow, and you maybe feel like things are stagnant, it's time to work with a therapist that can take you to the next level.
**Unknown:** And that growth is... A different way to think about it is just you're creating a higher standard. And, you know, you don't, you don't jump all the way to the top. That's impossible to, to reach, to change that fast.
**Unknown:** It's not impossible, but very difficult. Um, so it's just realizing that, you know, this is life now. You know, if I continue doing what I'm doing, is that going to give me that appreciation, that growth, um, or do I need a... Do I need more challenge?
**Unknown:** Mm. You know, that's one of my favorite things to do is people c- people come to me with a challenge, and I challenge them even more, um, which is fun. But that's, you know, my... One of my favorite quotes is, well, I guess stories is people went up to Henry Ford, and they wanted a faster horse.
**Unknown:** And, and he looked at, you know, the scenario, and he's like, "This is what you want, but that's not really gonna serve you. I'm gonna give you what you need," and he created a car. Mm-hmm. And that's, that's how I look at the situation with people is, you know, they come to you with what they think they, they want, and not necessarily a bad thing, but when you give them what they need, holy shit, like they're set free.
**Unknown:** That's where the magic happens. Yeah. Yeah, 100%. All right, guys, for those of you that are, like, super vibing, so one, check out the Demartini, um, The Breakthrough on Amazon.
**Unknown:** Also, you know, uh, reach out to us if you are looking to take up, uh, your therapy to the next level. Uh, Dr. Nick would love to, you know, fuck with you a little bit and ask you really thought-provoking questions. And I'm not a therapist.
**Unknown:** Yes. No, but you do really help people overcome their challenges and design a really awesome life for themselves. So with that being said, we'll see you on the next one. We thank you so much for being an avid listener of Integrative U Radio, formerly known as Integrative Wellness Radio.
**Unknown:** We appreciate all of your support. We love your comments. Please visit us on social media as well as our website to see all of the fun things happening behind the scenes and the new amazing content and courses that is being rolled out on a monthly basis. We hope to see you there.
Related episodes
About Integrative You Radio
Integrative You Radio is a root cause medicine and integrative medicine podcast hosted by Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers — two integrative doctors who build personalized wellness protocols from your DNA, minerals, hormones, gut, and nervous system rather than from a population template. Looking for an integrative doctor who reads your labs together instead of in isolation? This is the show.
Further reading
Listen and read the full episode →