What if your intention was to just have fun?
Episode 208
Welcome back to Integrative You Radio! In this episode, we dive deep into the importance of injecting fun and joy back into family life. Doctor Nick and I reflect on our own journey, realizing how families, whether entrepreneurial or not, often get caught in the cycle of relentless work and lose sight of having genuine fun together. The conversation touches on the challenges families face, from managing expectations to handling the pressures of societal norms. We share practical tips on creating a family manual, fostering open communication, and proactively planning fun activities. Plus, we introduce the Aligned Couple Workbook, a resource designed to help couples align their visions and enhance family life. Tune in to learn more! Interested in learning more about Dr. Nick & Dr. Nicole’s courses, memberships, or private work? Learn more at Integrative You . Have a quick question, Would you like to schedule a call, or just want to say hi? Text us at 732.913.0009. Our mission to innovate humans & Healthcare does NOT start and stop with us! This is why we are also dedicated to helping other practitioners in evolving healthcare too! If you are a healthcare leader and are looking to up-level your clinical + business excellence Learn more about our course membership: Limitless Healthprenuer and start boldly disrupting this industry! What you’ll learn: Prioritize Fun: Actively plan enjoyable family activities to foster togetherness and joy. Communicate Clearly: Establish open lines of communication, seek feedback, and respect individual values within the family. Live Intentionally: Align family values, set intentions, and create a shared vision for a balanced and harmonious family life. Quotes: "Fun, like everything else in life, very rarely happens out of nothing." - Dr. Nicole "Fun isn't a luxury—it's a necessity." - Dr. Nicole
Topics: family, life, unknown, families, work, business, values, integrative
Key takeaways from this episode
- ## What if your intention was to just have fun?
- Fun is a proactive choice:** Deliberately plan and schedule enjoyable family activities rather than waiting for them to happen spontaneously.
- Communication is key:** Foster open dialogue within the family to understand individual needs and values, and ensure everyone's voice is heard.
- Intentional family alignment:** Create a shared vision and establish clear intentions for your family life to promote harmony and balance.
- Fun is essential, not indulgent:** Recognize that joy and play are vital components of a healthy and thriving family unit.
Pull quotes
This is the place where you become limitless. **Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior.
We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare.
If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place. **Unknown:** But buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive.
Transcript
**Unknown:** Welcome to Integrative U Radio, hosted by Dr. Nick Carruthers and yours truly, Dr. Nicole Rivera. This is the place where you become limitless.
**Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior. We are also covering how those topics affect the human and family dynamics. We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare. If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place.
**Unknown:** But buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive. This is Integrative U Radio. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Integrative U Radio.
**Unknown:** Boom shaka boom. Uh, I am here with Dr. Nick again. So he has graced us with his presence once again, but, uh- Don't get used to it.
**Unknown:** We, we were thinking about this, this idea the other day, because we've been doing a lot of, um ... Oh, oh- We ch- we've changed our intent. Y- yeah. So we've been really focused on 2024 and, you know, what does our business and life look like, um, you know, when it comes to the people that we feel so passionately about helping.
**Unknown:** And we keep having this, you know, this vision of, of helping families, families that are focused on making an impact on the world in, in some capacity. And, uh, we have such a deep passion for working with entrepreneurial families as well, just because we are them. But at the end of the day, when we think about families, no matter if you're entrepreneurial or not, is a lot of families have lost sight of having fun. And I know that we did for many years.
**Unknown:** We were very, very focused on the business, and it was just you and I at the time. We didn't have little Q. But it was a long time. It was 10 years, and there was just this idea, this mentality of, well, one, we're, we're doing good work.
**Unknown:** We're making an impact, so I'm okay with working 12 hours, 13 hours, 14-hour days. But also, the mindset was hustle now to reap the rewards later. So hustle now to then have the time freedom and the energy freedom and the location freedom and all of that later. But then it was 10 years.
**Unknown:** It was a decade. Um, you know, I think the, the mindset for a lot of people, i- if you're in the corporate arena, the nine-to-five job, the- as an entrepreneur, you're, you're kind of thinking the same, is like ... Or we've been programmed that way, is like work hard for X amount of time to then retire, or work hard now so that your business gets to a certain place, and then you'll be able to, um, take a step back. And without the proper intention or the proper operations, the proper structure, that doesn't happen.
**Unknown:** If anything, you, you get more in the rabbit hole than you were when you first started. Well, yeah. Life is just, um, made up of a bunch of cycles, and that cycle, what you just explained, is the foundation cycle of how the system's created. And we need to understand it's like we could h- we have like an underlying belief, but our b- beliefs usually aren't always really true.
**Unknown:** It's just ... And the beliefs is what is the foundation of the thought process that actually creates your decisions and your actions. So you have this belief system that you're gonna work your ass off for five, 10, 15, 20, 25 years, and then you're gonna have this, you know, golden life and everything's gonna be sunshine and rainbows. But through that entire time, all you've done is strengthen that cycle- Yep ...
**Unknown:** strengthen the neuroplasticity, strengthen that. So when that transition actually occurs, there's no transition. You're still that same person. You're a- yeah, you're addicted to the busyness.
**Unknown:** You're addicted to the chaos. Even though you don't want to be, consciously you don't want to be, but biochemically- Yeah, and- ... you're addicted to it. You don't even know how to function without it.
**Unknown:** And because you're still the same person, you still deal with problems, but the problem just changes. And most likely, that problem changes to your health. Yep. So then instead of going out and burning out fires of work and dealing with all that stress, now you're dealing with the stress, either your health or the family, or there's ...
**Unknown:** You're always, you're always in the same cycle, the same energy. It's just in a different form. So what we were talking about is, you know, being able ... The quality of your life is dictated by the quality of the questions you ask.
**Unknown:** So looking at typical problems that's happening today, and it's like, "Well, how can we forecast and change this now so that we don't have to deal with those problems in the future?" And one of those things is by creating that, A, work-life balance, but just actually incorporating, I don't wanna say more just fun, but more joy in everything that you do. Yeah. We thought about the idea of like when is the last time someone or a family set the intention that they were just going to have fun? Oh, weekend's coming up.
**Unknown:** We ... The, the objective, the intention is, "Let's have fun withNot thinking about a to-do list, not guilt and shaming ourselves because we really needed to do X, Y, and Z around the house and oh, well, you know, we, we could have fun, but not too much fun or we could have fun, but, you know, people might judge us if we do that. It's just literally have fun, laugh until your stomach hurts, until you pee your pants and just, like, thoroughly enjoy each other's company- And you- ... and not give a shit about what anybody else thinks about it.
**Unknown:** And you know that you're deep, 'cause life's all about self-reflection and you, so you know you're deep into that cycle, that original cycle is when, you know, you set this intent, but you go out and you have that judgment of, "Oh, I'm having too much fun," or, "I need to be doing this." That is just showing you that you are imbalanced- So imbalanced ... and that the program is there. You know, you, we were, you said before we jumped on is like how many people, you know, create this vacation, but they're stressed out the entire- Yeah ... time planning?
**Unknown:** They're stressed out while in there that they have to meet all these, you know, places and do all these things and eat at all these restaurants, et cetera. But it's so many things. It, it's like I never understand because w- what kind of probed this as well is we're going to Italy in, in two weeks, not even, and our team, our social media team was asking us to put together content and they're like, "Oh, you know, with your travel coming up, can you speak to people that get flight anxiety?" And I'm like, "Flight anxiety?" And I was like, I don't know if I should speak to that because I, I don't get flight anxiety. And then I started thinking about, I'm like, flight anxiety, like, why?
**Unknown:** I was like the flights are amazing. You're totally disconnected from the world. You get to just like read a book or hone in, create a vision, get a pen and paper, and just, just do you. Um, but the, it got me thinking about the grander scheme of things is that...
**Unknown:** What are you laughing about? I just kept picturing there, there's a man on the wing- ... churning butter. Oh my god.
**Unknown:** One of our favorite movies is Bridesmaids. There's a colonial man on the wing churning butter. There's something they're not telling us. That might create anxiety.
**Unknown:** Sorry. Oh my gosh. Um, but there are so many things that w- are, are events that we're supposed to look forward to and enjoy, like weddings, birthdays, and people will stress out about it, and there's so much stress around it. It's almost to the point that sometimes I ask people, I'm like, "Why are you even doing it then?
**Unknown:** Why don't you just go get married in a courthouse?" Or, "Why don't you just skip your kid's birthday party if it's creating this much stress and turmoil in the family?" Because it doesn't have to be this way. And if you can set the intention of this is what the party is, this is what the wedding is, and it's for you or for your kid unapologetically. It's not for anybody else. Like, our wedding was so much fun because it wasn't about anybody else, and there were a lot of people that interjected to try to make it about other people.
**Unknown:** "Oh, don't do destination. This person can't come, this person can't come. Half your family's not gonna be there, and what if they don't like the food and blah, blah, blah." And I was like, we just, we're, we, we don't care 'cause it's, it's our wedding. We're paying for it, which I wouldn't have even wanted anyone to pay for it if they were gonna try to dictate the outcome.
**Unknown:** But I was like, this is our day, and I wanna look back to this day and, and have nothing but joyful memories, and I don't wanna look back and think about this was so stressful or, or when... 'Cause I used to work weddings actually in college, when people would say, "I'm so glad it's over." I'm so glad it's over? You just dropped $75,000 on this wedding. You are so glad it's over?
**Unknown:** What, like, what type of mindset is that? Like, why is this the normal? Why is this accepted? The same thing with the vacations is like w- everybody plans a, a an- not everybody I need a vacation from my vacation ...
**Unknown:** yeah, but it's like you plan an annual vacation- ... and it's nothing but stress about it, and then you get there, and the stress continues. The kids don't wanna do this. We don't wanna do this.
**Unknown:** And it's a, it's what if we actually sat down and had a conversation about what are, who we are as a family, what are our core values as a family, and what is actually going to align with that? Is it this big fancy vacation on an all-inclusive resort? Or is it getting in the backyard and, and having a bonfire and shutting all of our phones off and just literally having a great time and laughing? So this is, this is pretty awesome 'cause I don't think you know about this, but it was, it was probably like three months ago.
**Unknown:** Had a client that pretty much went through that whole process is that they went on this, you know, very expensive family trip, and the kids were miserable the entire time. And she's, and then the parents got upset because they spent all this money, and they were doing all this to be able to, like, have the family come together because they were working all this time. And I go, "The kids are miserable because that's not what they wanted." And she just stopped, and she's like, "Oh." "That's correct." And I go, "Why don't you just sit down and figure out what everybody wants? Like, have the conversation instead of just bulldozing and just moving on to the next thing." It's just, you know, if, if you're wanting to bring the, like, set the intent of what you're wanting to achieve as a family, connect that with the values of the family, and then go around and see, like, what each person, how that they think- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** they can, the family can best achieve that. And then put all that information together, and then you're all working together to achieve the same thing instead of just, you know, having-One dictator saying, "This is what we're doing, and it's going to serve us." And I like always circling this back to real-life things that parents can understand, because- Mm ... you know, most of us have had a job in our lives. And when, because, the reason why we talk about family so much now is not because we have all of these kids, and, you know, we've been through all the phases of life, but w- we're just mind-blown on a daily basis of how much we've learned from running our business.
**Unknown:** And one of the things that stood out to me so much is that, is making, ah, assumptions. And when we had employees and it would come time for annual reviews, we would do these annual reviews, and instead of really opening the dialogue to understand, like, what w- what was the feedback from the employee, the individual, what was gonna make them feel valued, what was going to allow them to, to feel like they're, they're growing and, and being valued as an employee, instead of asking we made assumptions. And so we would give a pay raise and then they would quit a month later. And you're like, "What?
**Unknown:** Like, h- what just happened here?" And it wasn't about the pay raise, it was about this person specifically wanted to work their way up the ladder. They wanted a more, um, prestigious title or they wanted more challenge. They didn't care about the money, they just, they wanted more challenge and they wanted to feel like they were growing and moving up the ladder in the company. Or others were like, "I just want more flexibility with PTO because my family is my highest value and I wanna make sure that I can do my job, love my job, but I can also prioritize my family and, and have flexibility to be with them when I need to be with them." And so it's the same exact concept, because I know that some of you have been on the receiving end of that.
**Unknown:** You've been on the receiving end of either not getting the promotion or not getting the, the raise and you've just, you feel like shit and you feel like, "What am I even doing? I don't feel valued. I don't feel heard. Maybe, maybe this, this isn't the right job for me." And it's, like, the same e- exact idea happened with kids.
**Unknown:** Maybe this isn't the right family for me. Hmm. Well, that's why we have to actually put more effort into our families, because we're stuck with each other. We're not going anywhere.
**Unknown:** I think that's gonna be the title of this podcast. Maybe this isn't the right family for me. Mom, Dad, I'm gonna go to a different family. Yeah.
**Unknown:** But it's, if you're not an entrepreneur, you know, there, there is so, so, so much that goes into a company running well that it doesn't feel chaotic, running well that it creates a great customer experience, and running well that it creates a great internal employee experience. Like, that's doesn't just happen. Like, that is extremely strategic and methodical and it takes effort on a daily basis. So having a family and a household that is aligned, that, that is collaborative, that is respectful, that is supportive and that has fun together, that is extremely strategic, intentional, and methodical.
**Unknown:** It takes effort every day, every week. It takes communication. And one of the podcasts that I did yesterday that you guys will hear, it, and some of you might think it's so, so off the wall, but I said, I was making an example about this idea of, of accountability. I go, "If you're in a job and you don't do your job, your boss doesn't come and do your job for you.
**Unknown:** But in a household, if your kid doesn't do what he's supposed to do, she's supposed to do, the parents will do it." And then they just, you know, they huff and they puff and they're frustrated and they're like, "I have so much on my plate, and I'm so busy and I'm so frantic." And at the end of the day, s- it's not necessarily about your kid, you know, being a shithead or not being disciplined or not caring. Sometimes your kid just doesn't really know what they're responsible for because you, you word vomited something verbal at them. But in a job, you get a job description, you get a manual, you get a, you get a layout of what you're responsible for. You get something physically on paper so that if you forget, you reference back to it.
**Unknown:** You get touch bases with your higher-up to say you're doing well, you're not doing well, or you're achieving your goals, you're not achieving your goals. Why are we not applying those exact same principles with our kids? And you might think, "That's, how, that takes so much time and I don't have time to make a manual." Well, guess what? The, you either make, make the time to make the manual and get everybody on the same page or you just spend the time putting out fires and being pissed off.
**Unknown:** It's your choice. So Dr. Nicole got a little fired up there. D- This was all supposed to be about, like, just prioritizing having fun- And I'm like, I'm gonna- ...
**Unknown:** and this is the derail ... I'm gonna, I'm gonna bring it all together. So really what Dr. Nicole is trying to say is you have to create fun.
**Unknown:** Fun, like everything else in life, very rarely happens out of nothing. But also- Hey. Hey, hey, hey ... going back, no, going back to what I just said is if you're constantly derailed with your energy of putting the fires out, that also takes away from the time and energy to have fun.
**Unknown:** That's all I wanted to say. It's almost impossible for her just to not talk. So circling it in again. Reeling it in.Is that you have to create your fun.
**Unknown:** And like in anything, if you're gonna create it, you need a very specific system and process and accountability to that process. And when it comes to a family dynamic, there is a lot of different people, and every single person in that family dynamic has a different set of values, what's most important to them, that needs to be taken into concern. And how, just like Dr. Nicole said, in the business, you go through and you get feedback.
**Unknown:** First of all, how do you get feedback? Well, you have to have a communication system set up. Is that in writing? Is that through verbal?
**Unknown:** Like figure out- Is it strategic? Figure out what's gonna work best for your family, because every family, you know, has their strengths in communication. And set that in place, be able to get that feedback, then have everybody come together and get crystal clear, making a decision together so that you're all growing together. There's no dictatorship.
**Unknown:** Everybody's on a similar playing field. But then that allows you to what? Go have fun. And as you go have fun, there's, everybody's in alignment, and there's no shame or guilt that anybody should be doing anything else, and you're just all in the present, you're all connected, you're all laughing, loving, and having an amazing time.
**Unknown:** And if you're looking for a great tool, we put together, it's actually a completely free tool. It's called The Aligned Couple, um... What is it called? The Aligned Couple Workbook?
**Unknown:** The link will be below. We'll put the link below. But this is actually a way to get aligned with your partner, um, that allows you then to get on the same page so you can communicate more effectively with your kids. And one of the sections in this, um, weekly meeting layout is, what fun do you want to prioritize?
**Unknown:** And it allows you to get proactive thinking about what are fun things that we might wanna consider, and this could, again, be the bonfire in the yard. This could be, uh, a trip to the beach, or this could be a weekend trip with just the, the parents or the whole family. So it allows you to really start thinking about, you know, how can we make sure that fun is part of our lives, and it also gets the kids, uh, and even the parents. It, it gives you something to look forward to.
**Unknown:** 'Cause I know that that's something that we really value is knowing like, "Hey, we got this thing coming up," instead of winging it every weekend essentially. Yep. One of our big things is just, you know, having a set day of when we're going boating, and we even set the, the time of, "Hey, this is the timeframe we're leaving the house and we're going up." So- Yeah ... get specific with it and hold yourself accountable.
**Unknown:** 100%. All right, guys, we hope you enjoyed it, and all of the derails. We thank you so much for being an avid listener of Integrative U Radio, formerly known as Integrative Wellness Radio. We appreciate all of your support.
**Unknown:** We love your comments. Please visit us on social media as well as our website to see all of the fun things happening behind the scenes, and the new amazing content and courses that is being rolled out on a monthly basis. We hope to see you there.
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About Integrative You Radio
Integrative You Radio is a root cause medicine and integrative medicine podcast hosted by Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers — two integrative doctors who build personalized wellness protocols from your DNA, minerals, hormones, gut, and nervous system rather than from a population template. Looking for an integrative doctor who reads your labs together instead of in isolation? This is the show.
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