Our biggest lessons on running a household after Baby Q
Episode 194
Welcome back to another insightful episode of Integrative You Radio. In this episode, the hosts delve into a compelling topic - how chaos within a household can detrimentally impact one's health. They emphasize the significance of creating structure, better communication, and increased accountability to reduce stress and promote overall well-being. Drawing from their expertise in creating successful businesses, the hosts discuss the striking similarities between running a household and managing a company. They stress the importance of trust and transparency in building solid relationships, not just between parents but also with children. Demonstrating accountability is crucial for teaching children responsibility and teamwork, helping them become active team players in achieving family goals. By establishing clear values and objectives for the family, everyone works together, fostering harmony and growth in the household. Tune in to the full episode to learn more! Interested in learning more about Dr. Nick & Dr. Nicole’s courses, memberships, or private work? Learn more at Integrative You . Have a quick question, Would you like to schedule a call, or just want to say hi? Text us at 732.913.0009. Our mission to innovate humans & Healthcare does NOT start and stop with us! This is why we are also dedicated to helping other practitioners in evolving healthcare too! If you are a healthcare leader and are looking to up-level your clinical + business excellence Learn more about our course membership: Limitless Healthprenuer and start boldly disrupting this industry! What you’ll learn: The hosts, who are parents, share their experiences in seeking childcare and the importance of aligning family values with potential caregivers. Running a prosperous household is compared to running a successful business, with trust and transparency being essential foundations. Lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and underperformance, making clear expectations crucial. Goals
Topics: family, household, stress, values, running, business, unknown, integrative
Key takeaways from this episode
- ## Our Biggest Lessons on Running a Household After Baby Q
- Discover the surprising similarities between managing a household and a thriving business.
- Understand how clear communication and accountability can reduce stress and improve family dynamics.
- Learn the crucial role of trust and transparency in building strong family relationships.
- Gain insights into setting family values and objectives to foster teamwork and shared goals.
Pull quotes
This is the place where you become limitless. **Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior.
We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare.
If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place. **Unknown:** But buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive.
Transcript
**Unknown:** Welcome to Integrative U Radio, hosted by Dr. Nick Carruthers and yours truly, Dr. Nicole Rivera. This is the place where you become limitless.
**Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior. We are also covering how those topics affect the human and family dynamics. We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare. If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place.
**Unknown:** But buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive. This is Integrative U Radio. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Integrative U Radio. We're here.
**Unknown:** All right, so we're talking about how the chaos in a household can actually negatively impact people's health. And we're, we're mainly bringing this topic to the forefront because we work with so many families, and some of the things that we find ourselves talking about is not necessarily just honing in on what's going on with one or many family members' health, but we're talking specifically about how can we create more structure, better communication, as well as more accountability in a household so we can decrease chaos, and we can allow things to flow more so there is less stress, which at the end of the day, stress is at the foundation of pretty much every health ailment. Yeah, and the body does not care what form of stress that is, whether it's, you know, toxic food or if it's, you know, a toxic environment, it doesn't care. Yeah, and I think that's a huge point because, you know, we have focused so much on the stressors of life when it comes to toxins, parasites, fungus, candida, um, chemicals, et cetera, and all of those are equally as relevant.
**Unknown:** But really when you start asking better questions, you find that there's a whole other layer to life that is creating negative effects on the nervous system, creating neva- negative effects on the biochemistry of the body because the person is in a chronic fight or flight stress response. So let's get into it. Let's get into it. Well, the funny thing is, is that most of you know that Nick and I are now parents, and we only have one kid, so you know, we're not sitting here saying that we've figured it all out.
**Unknown:** We have two Vizslas that I think are more needy than our one kid, so- You are not wrong. I mean, there's a- Um, I feel like we have three children. There's a Vizsla right now crawling on my lap. "Dad, Dad, I need more attention." But something that I realized, I realized this specifically when we were starting to seek out, uh, childcare because we obviously were getting back to work.
**Unknown:** We love what we do, and we were like, "Okay, what are we gonna do? Are we going to get a nanny? Are we going to d- you know, do daycare," et cetera. And I started ...
**Unknown:** We decided on a nanny, and I started putting together a job description for the nanny with very, very specific, uh, competencies, very specific, um, skill set. And then I created a, uh, a competency test that I had to take them through to make sure that they were in alignment with our values as a family. And so I mentioned this very blase to one of our patients, and they were like, "What? Can I get that?
**Unknown:** Can I get your nanny job description-" "... slash manual?" And I was like, "Yeah, sure." And in that moment I realized, wow, you know, there's a lot of people that they don't own a business, so they don't know how to create a job description. They don't know how to hold a nanny or, or someone else, like a, even a, a cleaning person, hold them accountable to a standard. And one of the biggest things that creates, uh, stress or, or creates a judgment or a resentment is, uh, lack of communication, is really what it comes down to.
**Unknown:** Like anytime ... What we realized, anytime in business that we were not happy with someone's performance or somebody was underperforming but then also asking for a raise, and it came down to lack of transparency and lack of communication. You know, people in their mind can think they're doing a great job because they're loyal, they show up on time, they stay late some days, but if the primary objective of that job is for them to generate X amount of revenue or X amount of money and they're not doing that, and you're not saying anything, then they think, "Well, I show up. I'm super polite.
**Unknown:** I'm respectful. I'm on time. I go, I go the extra mile, so I'm a good employee." And like for the nanny, it could be like, you know, same thing. They show up early, maybe they sh- stay late, they're doing everything, but you know, when the kid's fussy, maybe they're throwing a tablet or in front of- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** you know, a TV or something like that. And that's like, whoa, that's not in congruent with our values, is that they're whining for something, you know, not to be distracted. They're whining for a reason. Like, let's figure out what that reason is and fill that void.
**Unknown:** 100%. And, you know, I think at the, at the foundation of this is that-When we, when we looked at the big picture is running a successful household is like running a successful business, and it came down to a couple of major things. One is trust and transparency. Trust, all we mean by that is feeling comfortable to bring hard topics to the table to then work together for solutions, 'cause that is at the foundation of any successful company.
**Unknown:** And that's not just based on our opinion or our experience, but this is literally the life's work of Patrick Lencioni. He created a pyramid of what creates successful companies, and trust is at the, the foundation of that pyramid. And- The trust is the foundation of any good relationship, you know? And- True ...
**Unknown:** the trust is the foundation of the relationship with yourself. So- 100%. Trusting your intuition, trusting your decision-making. And yeah, if, if you don't have that trust, then it's like everyone's gonna keep quiet, and now you have a lack of communication.
**Unknown:** You have a lack of people being transparent about what's bothering them, what's not bothering them. You know, you have kids that are going behind your back and doing things and, and not, uh... And getting themselves in trouble because they are- there's no open dynamic. They don't feel comfortable coming to their parents with hard topics.
**Unknown:** And, you know, and then there's this accountability factor. And accountability, you know, you think about the concept of accountability in a company. It's like if you go to work and you don't do your job, your boss isn't doing your job for you. But in households, it sounds so simple, but if you tell your kids to do something or your husband to do something or your wife to do something and they don't do it, and then you do it, and especially if you do that multiple times, and you don't say anything, it's a complete lack of accountability.
**Unknown:** And saying something like, "You should've done that," that's still- that's not holding them accountable. That's just essentially- That's being a level one leader. Exactly. So you're just creating an emotional reaction that isn't necessarily holding them accountable to the fact, like, this isn't getting done.
**Unknown:** This is your responsibility, and how do we set up a system in our household that you are going to know that this is your obligation? I mean, foundation, when you think about it, it's like if a family's not working together to grow, they're working apart to destroy. Yeah. It's black or white.
**Unknown:** And it's also, when it comes to families, there's so much happening all the time. Y- you know, you have kids, you have, you know, parents have careers. There's kids. There's extracurricular activities.
**Unknown:** And a lot of times we're just doing all of this on a whim, and we are not getting extremely strategic about structure from a perspective of even a schedule. And when you think about any business, like, you don't just walk into your company and just make your own schedule or do whatever you wanna do. Everything is extremely strategic. Well, let's just say this.
**Unknown:** Like, you never have a business that goes in and is like, "We're not setting any goals for the year." Yeah. How many families have goals for the year? Well, how many individuals, like parents, have goals for themselves as well? Most of the time we are reacting to life more than being proactive or even creating- Right ...
**Unknown:** our lives. And if you don't have a clear vision of where you're going, there's nothing to be able to be accountable for, 'cause you don't even have that standard set. Yeah. And, and what we're talking about with goals too is this could be simple things.
**Unknown:** Like, we're not talking about these big extravagant goals. But if one of the goals in the household is that we're gonna refinish the basement, and that by the end of the year we want to have the basement refinished, done, re- like, playroom set up for the kids, ready to roll, and now everyone understands that that's the common goal, and everybody un- also understands what do they own in relation to that, then now we have everyone working together. People are more cohesive. Just the kids being aware Mom and Dad got a lot on their plate this year because they're taking on this really big house project.
**Unknown:** And once the house project, all the construction, all that stuff is done, then, you know, for the kids, we want you guys to be part of the design of the playroom, 'cause it's your playroom. So that's gonna be your major responsibility. But also, part of your responsibility is Mom and Dad got a lot on their plate. They're gonna be dealing with contractors.
**Unknown:** They still gotta do their jobs. So it'll be really beneficial if you guys can make sure that you are making dinner once a week, you are cleaning up your room after yourselves, you... Whatever it is. Like, whatever is suitable for your household.
**Unknown:** But- Yeah ... having your kids be team players in this. And it's, yeah, it comes back to being team players. And one of the things that goes in structuring a business and structuring a family is getting crystal clear on the values of the business, of the family, but also of the employees and of course each individual in the family, so that when somebody's doing a, quote-unquote, "job," it's not a job.
**Unknown:** It's, it's something that actually is going to benefit and grow the individual. So, like, I'm doing landscaping right now outside. Our son's Q, he's one and a half. He's helping me.
**Unknown:** I'm not forcing him. He- I'm allowing him to go play with the dog and do some things, but I'm also... Like, I'll gather weeds, and I'm setting them into a pile, and he's taking the weeds and putting them, for the most part, in the bag. A couple in the pool- ...
**Unknown:** but the most part in the bag. Mainly in the pool. Let's be real. There was, there was a, there was a 10-minute gap there.
**Unknown:** I was like, "No, no, no. That's, that's the pool." "We don't want that." Um, but yeah, I mean, and that's awesome because that is, that's teaching so many different things of working together, teamwork, communication, understanding. For me, like when things don't go well, how not to lose my shit because I have a high expectation, you know, for a one-and-a-half-year-old. Um- But it's even for me.
**Unknown:** Like you, you're happy if I help with the manual labor, but you know that the part that I'm excited about is the, is the aesthetic, like what we're creating. And I'm also happy sometimes when you don't help out. Because I create more work. But there...
**Unknown:** I mean, but I- But also, you know that don't mess with my creative process, so you're gonna have very little input about the pavers and the rocks that we choose. And I know, I know, I know these things. But what's awesome is like I could sit there and be like, "This is stupid that I'm doing this manual labor. Like I charge this much per hour.
**Unknown:** This doesn't make any sense to me." But I'm actually out there barefoot in, in the mud, in the yard, and I'm playing with earth, and I'm getting grounded. I'm attracting and pulling up all those negative ions. Like I'm doing all these other things, and I'm connecting. I'm connecting in one way with myself as I disconnect with another.
**Unknown:** So I'm, I'm consciously going through and seeing how I'm maintaining balance and allowing myself to, A, just not work, even though I love, quote-unquote, "what I work," and it's not really work. But I'm just allowing, uh, a different set of energy to allow that creative creativity, uh, to come in. So there's two major topics that I wanna cover before we wrap up this podcast because it's kind of speaking on what you were just describing when it comes to values. So first and foremost, so we're talking about family dynamics.
**Unknown:** We're talking about, you know, individuals that have kids. So something that is extremely important to understand at the foundation of this is that you and your spouse need to be communicating and on the same page. So you have to apply the principles of trust, transparency, communication, and accountability to your relationship before you start to try to instill that into the children, and that's because your kids are ob- are observers. They are observing everything all the time, if you know it or you don't.
**Unknown:** So if you say you're gonna do something and you don't do it, and there is a lack of accountability, that is one of the reasons why your children are not accountable to the things you're telling them to do. If you do things and you constantly are complaining about it, "I hate doing the dishes," and you're constantly doing things you don't like and being vocal about it, then your kids are gonna say, "I don't wanna do the dishes. I don't wanna fill the dishwasher. I don't wanna do the laundry," because clearly, they're not gonna say this out loud, but they're observing that it makes you miserable.
**Unknown:** So we have to be very conscious of what we choose to do, what we don't choose to do, and then if we do choose to do it, how- Be co- be conscious how you do it and why. Exactly. So this is what comes back to the values, and this is a course that we have because this is, this is at the foundation of everything in life. This isn't just about families.
**Unknown:** But if you get s- hyper clear on what's important to you as an individual, then your partner gets hyper clear on what's important to them, and now we open a dialogue between the two of you to say, "This makes sense why this pisses me off that you do. This makes sense why I literally wanna kill people when I'm washing the dis- dishes. This makes sense why I don't wanna do yard work with you." Because if your values are in alignment with, say, making money, your values are in alignment with quality time with your kids, your values are a- in alignment with like achievement, impact, leadership, then chances are you are gonna suffer doing domestic work in your house. And you're gonna pay no matter what.
**Unknown:** You're either gonna pay in your energy, you're gonna pay in the energy given to the blow-up fights in your house or the fires that need to be put out, or you're gonna pay some person to come and do those things that suck your energy. But you're not gonna understand that if you don't, one, get the clarity, two, open the conversation in a strategic way with your spouse. So one of the things that we have totally free on our site is a, it's a meeting structure for couples, and that structure breaks down how to actually have a successful meeting with your spouse so that you can get on the same page, and that is a requirement before you ever have a family meeting. I had this conversation with a client the other day.
**Unknown:** I was like, "Stop calling family meetings on the weeks that you and your partner didn't have the meeting." Because what's going, what's happening is that you guys are not on the same page. It is visible. It is palpable to your kids. You guys are having this low-grade tension because one's saying one thing, the other one's saying the other thing, and then you guys are making eyes at each other across the table.
**Unknown:** And now the kids are just confused, and they don't know what's going on. And then now they're just exhausted by another family meeting that wasn't productive. It's like, so it comes down to implementing it as a couple first, then implementing it as a family, but you're going to have so much more success around this if you have the clarity on your individual valuesWhich then allows you to get clear on the values of your family. Because I'll give you a very simple example.
**Unknown:** I have two individuals, I ac- I worked with them privately. We found that sovereignty was one of the highest values for the mother, and the father, well, one of his highest values was expansion. So sovereignty for her was all about her kids being confident individuals, um, prioritizing themselves, and being compassionate to themselves, but also compassionate to others. And then we had his values.
**Unknown:** Expansion was about anything you do is to expand yourself. If it's learning something new, if it's getting your hands dirty, um, building something, it was always about expanding your mind or even expanding your, your physical skill set. So we realized that coming together in the family values, that when we are getting really strategic on how we're spending quality time as a family, is that they are going to be doing very specific activities that are helping these kids to learn, grow, expand, and build their self-confidence. And that is going to be a priority on a weekly basis because those are the values of the family.
**Unknown:** And it was just so significant for them because they're like, "A lot of times we just, like, aren't prioritizing things on the weekends, and we get disappointed and because we didn't do anything fun, and we just got stuck with housework, and blah, blah, blah." I was like, "But now you have clarity, which is going to allow you to then say, 'We're going to... We're gonna set our weekend up with intention.'" And they were like, "I'm really excited about this because now the... this feels really good. This get...
**Unknown:** This is really exciting." Yeah, and that excitement gets carried over, you know, just like in a day. You know, if, if you're doing something that excites you, you're gonna have more energy at the end of the day. But you could do and accomplish t- a million things in one day, but if it didn't serve you, you're gonna be exhausted. So it's just about making sure that you're in alignment with what serves you, but also, you know, what we talked about, serving the values of the family so that you're all growing together and it's not just like a win-lose situation, 'cause that doesn't serve.
**Unknown:** 100%. So if you're looking for some of these resources, definitely head over to our site. We'll have the link below. But we have totally free opt-in for the structure of how to have a successful meeting with your partner.
**Unknown:** We also have a mini course on how to implement that meeting successfully, because having the workbook with all of the questions is huge, but then doing it properly actually takes a little bit of strategy. So we do have a mini course on that, and we do have a course on determining your highest values as an individual as well as as a family. So lots of great things for you to check out. We'll put the links below.
**Unknown:** But we hope you enjoyed this. We hope this made sense. And really, at the end of the day, there, there's so much more depth to this topic, but we wanted to get the wheels turning, get the, the seed planted, and we'll be bringing a lot more beneficial family tools and tips to you. We thank you so much for being an avid listener of Integrative U Radio, formerly known as Integrative Wellness Radio.
**Unknown:** We appreciate all of your support. We love your comments. Please visit us on social media as well as our website to see all of the fun things happening behind the scenes and the new amazing content and courses that is being rolled out on a monthly basis. We hope to see you there.
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About Integrative You Radio
Integrative You Radio is a root cause medicine and integrative medicine podcast hosted by Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers — two integrative doctors who build personalized wellness protocols from your DNA, minerals, hormones, gut, and nervous system rather than from a population template. Looking for an integrative doctor who reads your labs together instead of in isolation? This is the show.
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