Encore Episode : A Non-linear Path to Healing
Episode 130
In today’s episode of Integrative Wellness Radio, Dr. Nicole is joined by a dear friend Nerissa. Nerissa shares her recent health journey and how the path to healing hasn’t been just quick fixes or random medkits but more of a self-exploration. She talks about how she helped herself feel better and didn't depend on conventional medicine or others to heal her. Dr. Nicole breaks down how a linear approach isn’t the answer when we hit a plateau. She shares with us the integrative ways and how we need to look at our body’s health as a whole instead of going for THAT one pill or single homeopathy. Tune in to the whole episode for more info! Interested in working with IWG? Book a complimentary consult call to learn more using this link: https://bit.ly/IWRcall2021 Noteworthy Time Stamps: 1:53 What sparked Nerissa’s health journey 4:13 Moving out from a linear approach 5:33 Subtracting all types of toxins from your life 6:06 Nerissa’s amazing 76-hour long fast 8:03 Toxic lifestyle and Toxic people 10:23 Caring for yourself is caring for those around you 16:14 It’s not just the diet, It’s the exercise as well 23:43 No one can fix you unless you play an active role in it 25:33 Addictive behaviors in our lifestyle 33:13 The pressure of being someone we are not 34:33 Relationships and doing what’s best for your partner 39:21 Grief and what people think of it 43:18 It is all about balance and shifting the mindset
Topics: healing, health, journey, unknown, nerissa, need, episode, integrative
Key takeaways from this episode
- Welcome back to another episode of Integrative Wellness Radio. **Unknown:** I have my lovely, lovely friend Nerissa here, and we're very excited to be talking about her most recent journey with, uh, her health.
- Nick and Dr. **Unknown:** Nicole to learn more about the top trends in integrative medicine, to learn about what the limitations are with testing, and what you can do to start your health journey.
- I have to go to this facility and receive that." Mm-hmm. **Unknown:** And in the more recent, I realized, like, yes, I still need those people in my life and that care, but I also need to look at myself in a way that I love myself.
- And I think that that is something from a physician standpoint, and especially because my practice has evolved so much over time of becoming more integrative, is a lot of times we are looking at things linear. **Unknown:** We're looking at...
- Like, "Oh, I need this person to love me." It's like- Mm-hmm ... **Unknown:** no, like I can love myself just the way I am, and I am enough.
Pull quotes
Imagine if medicine actually looked at you as a whole opposed to looking at you as a bunch of separate systems.
Nick and Dr. **Unknown:** Nicole to learn more about the top trends in integrative medicine, to learn about what the limitations are with testing, and what you can do to start your health journey.
Welcome back to another episode of Integrative Wellness Radio. **Unknown:** I have my lovely, lovely friend Nerissa here, and we're very excited to be talking about her most recent journey with, uh, her health.
Transcript
**Unknown:** I've been up all night, no sleep. Imagine if medicine actually looked at you as a whole opposed to looking at you as a bunch of separate systems. Dive into Integrative Wellness Radio with Dr. Nick and Dr.
**Unknown:** Nicole to learn more about the top trends in integrative medicine, to learn about what the limitations are with testing, and what you can do to start your health journey. Sometimes I tend to lose myself when I'm out here on my own. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Integrative Wellness Radio.
**Unknown:** I have my lovely, lovely friend Nerissa here, and we're very excited to be talking about her most recent journey with, uh, her health. And I'm really excited about this because just being friends with Nerissa and having some, you know, side conversations, she's just said some things that I think have been really impactful, um, for me, but in addition to really just having her, you know, explain her journey and how she really didn't just find an expert or, you know, find, you know, a facility to help her through her health journey. It was really about a lot of self-exploration and mindset shift and habit change. And I think this is just such important information for people to understand that when you're trying to reach a health goal, it's not just necessarily about your team or your doctor or, you know, your coach.
**Unknown:** There is a lot of things that have to shift internally. And with that being said, I would love for her to just kind of tell us a little bit about just what even sparked the start of this whole journey and process. Yeah. So I went through a really big healing crisis, and, um, about seven years ago, I started getting really heavy outbreaks of eczema all over my body.
**Unknown:** And the first thing I did was stop eating gluten. And, you know, throughout that time, I'd still have these really big outbreaks, and I- And she's talking full body, you know, really, really significant, like, uncomfortable cracking of the skin. I remember you showing me. It'd be burning and, yeah, on a scale of one to 10, it would be a 10.
**Unknown:** And so I started seeking help from naturopathic doctors in Connecticut, and they started me with some homeopathy that would really help, and Apis was one of those, uh, tools I was using at the time, and that would help to some degree, but it wasn't the cure. And then, um, in the last, uh, three months, it became really, uh, profound that I really needed to change everything in my life, um, starting with how I treat myself. And I think in the past, I would look at things like, "Oh, I need self-care. I have to go to this facility and receive that." Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And in the more recent, I realized, like, yes, I still need those people in my life and that care, but I also need to look at myself in a way that I love myself. I need to listen to music that's loving. I need to be around people that are also in, in a loving way and supporting me throughout this process instead of judgment. Um, you know, my diet has changed tremendously.
**Unknown:** I've been on a vegan based diet for over three months now. I stopped drinking alcohol. I exercise five to six days a week. It's really been, um, not just one thing, it's my whole life has changed, and I start it one step at a time.
**Unknown:** And, you know, I really believe it takes a village to heal. And, you know, I said to you the other night, like, you know, I- every one of my friends and my companions in my life is a facilitator. Every single person is some form of therapist, whether that's, like, a holistic therapist, a Reiki therapist, a crystal therapist, you know, an integrative therapist. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And, you know, I think all of those threads, it's about weaving this bigger scope in order for me to be whole. Yeah. And I think it's just so significant that, you know, the way you described the process and, like, almost the evolution that happened in your mind is, you know, you went from a linear approach of let me take the homeopathy, you know, cut out the gluten and hope for the best, and that obviously you saw improvements with it, but there were probably ups and downs and then capping out at a plateau. And I think that that is something from a physician standpoint, and especially because my practice has evolved so much over time of becoming more integrative, is a lot of times we are looking at things linear.
**Unknown:** We're looking at... And this is not because of us, it's because what we're all programmed to think is that there's eventually going to be the one, you know, the one pill, the one homeopathy, the one supplement, the one dietary change that will make the big shift. And when we look at, you know, it as a whole, which you obviously have learned in the past few months, is this is not just about, you know, utilizing some of those, those tools from a diet supplemental perspective, but this is about making a really significant shift and really cutting out all the toxins. Because we can sit here and call gluten a toxin, but there's a lot of people in our lives that are toxins as well.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think that, you know, I would love for you to expand more on that because this is something that I personally feel as a physician who's been doing this for eight years, this is very often something that is not being acknowledged- Mm ... number one.
**Unknown:** Number two is it's, uh, very uncomfortable to face, and number three, it's usually the one thing that we will push off, push off, push off, despite how significant it could be for our healing process. I think when I got really real with myself, um, was when I did a 76-hour fast, and I had- ... my first colonic. And I really emptied, like emptied myself to a point of, like almost, uh, euphoria- Yeah ...
**Unknown:** um, where I was- That's why this, this came out. Yeah. And, and I, I was high. I was high off of being empty, and, you know, at that time, I was like, I could hear more clearly what my needs were for myself.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. And I would check in about them. Like, "How is this relationship affecting my healing process?" And I would name someone, and it would be like, you know, a very clear response of, "That person is affecting your healing process in this way," which was, say, depression- Mm-hmm ... or, uh, judgment or- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** um, narcissism. Or it could be any emotion, right? But at the end of the day, when I was so clear, it was so easy to actually hear myself- Mm-hmm ... and what my needs were.
**Unknown:** And I also think because I cleared so much space for myself, it was then a process of like, "Okay, Nerissa, what do you want, and what are your needs now?" Mm-hmm. And I would literally find myself in the grocery store just asking myself like, "What do you need today?" And I know that sounds silly, but at the same time, it's like we're always so separate from that. It's like, "Oh, my God, I gotta prepare- Yes ... six meals this week.
**Unknown:** It's gonna be chicken and this and this and this and this," instead of- Mm-hmm ... really just taking the time to like relax into what we need now in this very moment. Yeah. And I think that is also the big piece for me with positive relationships is that it's like in this moment, I can honestly say, like, "This is a healthy relationship I'm in with myself." Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And that makes it really easy for me to show up in this moment. Mm-hmm. And I think in the past, it was like I would fill myself with these mindless relationships because I needed to keep filling myself- Mm-hmm ... with something.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. And, um, I think toxic people can look a lot of different ways in your life. Mm. And I think it's all a reflection of where you are as a person.
**Unknown:** Mm. And I think when you really start to peel back the layers of what you want and what your needs are, you start to see yourself in a much different way. Mm-hmm. And in my case, I started falling in love with myself for the first time- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** you know, in 36 years. I can- Instead of feeling like you need it from an external source. Exactly. Like, "Oh, I need this person to love me." It's like- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** no, like I can love myself just the way I am, and I am enough. Mm-hmm. You know? And it just started opening up a lot of gateways for me as far as like what healthy relationships are- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** and how I wanna feed them. Well, and I think, like w- the way you described, you know, going through the fast and, you know, being able to finally like hear yourself and be honest with yourself is, you know, it's not that everyone needs to go and do a 76-hour fast to get to that point. For sure. But so many of us never, ever, ever carve out the time to even sit down and reflect and think and take the cellphone and put it away and put the laptop away and close the emails and get away from the kids and get away from the spouse.
**Unknown:** And, you know, we don't, we don't do that. And it... We're in such a connected world. It's so easy to play the comparison game, get on social media, distract ourselves.
**Unknown:** You know, there... We live in a world of entertainment. You know, it's... There is a million avenues you can go to avoid the taking time for yourself, the self-reflection.
**Unknown:** And when we can do that, there's such a power in it, clearly, with what you're describing, is being able to truly just ask yourself, "What do I want?" And be okay with whatever the answer is because we also shift, especially as females, into, "Oh, that's selfish. Oh, I can't do that because I have kids. They have to come first. My spouse has to come first.
**Unknown:** My family has to come first. I gotta take care of everybody. Can't take care of myself. I gotta take care of everybody else." Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And, you know, the interesting thing, it's such a simple concept, but you're on a plane. They're giving you the demo of what to do if something bad happens, and the oxygen drops down. And every single time, they say, "You put the oxygen on yourself before you put it on the person next to you." And that's because if you don't care for yourself, there's no possible way that you can show up in the relationships that you, you know, you obviously hold dear to your heart. You can't show up to those relationships in the way that you hope for if you don't have a good relationship with yourself.
**Unknown:** I agree, and I also think it makes it really easy when you do show up to those facilitators because you're in such a clear space, that it's like, "Oh, now we can talk about what I really need-" Mm-hmm ... instead of expecting this person to heal me. Mm-hmm. You know?
**Unknown:** And- And when Ner- Nerissa says facilitators, she means like healers. Yeah. Yeah. That's her, her na- her name that she, she loves.
**Unknown:** Yeah. I, I mean, I am a healer. You know, I've been doing some scope of healing for over 15 years of my life. You know, I'm a crystal resonance therapist and a Reiki practitioner, amongst the many other hats I wear.
**Unknown:** And, you know, even as a bartender, I'm tending to people's experiences, so that is a facilitator. That is a healer. People are coming to get some form of energy. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And that looks a million different ways. But at the end of the day, it's like how I choose to carry myself is also a reflection of the people that come in. Mm-hmm. You know?
**Unknown:** And like that's probably part of the reason I met you when I did in my life- Mm-hmm ... you know, and in my journey because it was like I was reflecting things that were in alignment with you- Mm-hmm ... and your character. Yes.
**Unknown:** Well, you're pretty awesome, too. I agree. We're both really great. This is like normal parts of our conversations.
**Unknown:** We're like, "No, you're awesome." "You're awesome." For sure. So I wanna circle back to, um, diet as well- Yeah ... because you mentioned about a vegan diet. And, you know, one thing that I want to...
**Unknown:** I, I want you to kind of ex- uh, explore and explain a little bit more about why that felt right for you. But before doing that, my one disclaimer to everyone is that-When we talk about diets on this podcast specifically, this is not about the one size fits all. Mm. And, you know, for Nerissa, being able to explain to you why going vegan felt really good for her and the reasons and how it nourished her body at that time, you know, it's important to know that diets also should be reflective of where you are.
**Unknown:** They should be reflective of, you know, I feel like I need to like overload myself with plants right now, and I need to separate myself from animal protein maybe because I don't feel like I'm digesting it well, or it's not good for where I'm at right now. Mm. But we get really stuck with the identity of certain types of diets, and we stay with them long, long term, and we lose the ability to listen to our bodies. And when you're vegan and you wake up and you go, "Man, I am craving a steak," instead of feeling guilty about it because you love animals so dear to your heart, you might be thinking, "Well, do I have an iron deficiency?" Mm.
**Unknown:** "And is that the reason why I'm craving this?" So I really want to kinda make that disclaimer before we talk about the diet because I don't want people to walk away thinking, "The only way that I can be healthy like Nerissa is if I go vegan." For sure. I, I actually, I like to call myself a flexitarian. Because that's really more appropriate for me. Um, like yesterday I was craving fish, and my brother is a fisherman, and he caught this beautiful fish, and we had fish tacos.
**Unknown:** So you know, to say that I'm just a vegan is not true 100%, and I like flexitarian better- ... because it's super appropriate for my life. Um, but yeah, I think, uh, everything you said is really true. I think we get really stuck on labels in this society, and I think, um, what I've learned most importantly, a couple things, um, meat, um, definitely altered my monthly cycle as far as my, um, moon time, my period, people call it as well.
**Unknown:** I like to refer to it as my moon time. Um, because it's a cycle, and it's, uh, it's really important to be connected with your cycle. And what I've realized, since I don't have poultry and red meat in my diet, I get hardly any cramping now. I suffered from endometriosis, that label, for a really long time in my life, and, uh, it's, it's like totally different.
**Unknown:** Mm. So that's really transformed. Um- I'll explain that later, guys. Yeah.
**Unknown:** Um, I also feel, uh, energetically like I'm not weighed down. Mm-hmm. Um, I feel like I'm getting so many more minerals in my diet now because I'm eating plants three or four times a day versus meat three or four times a day. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** Um, so that's been a big shift. I have an abundance of energy, and my energy is also a lot more consistent throughout the day. Mm-hmm. Whereas before, I'd have like really hard drop downs.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. And then it'd be really hard to get myself back up, where now it's like slow and steady, um, with a lot more grace. Mm-hmm. Um, I think the other thing that I've really realized is how much it's affected my skin, um, my hair.
**Unknown:** Um, you know, I mean, Nicole, you saw me a couple months back and, you know, my skin was- Mm-hmm ... in really bad shape, and I can honestly say, looking at you today, like- God ... I'm proud of this change. It is completely different.
**Unknown:** Um, you know, if you saw before and after, like you kinda creak inside with like, "How was I living with this for so long?" Mm-hmm. And now it's like, wow, like I can touch my skin, and it feels like skin. Yeah. Um, so yeah, I mean, everything, if there's like, "Oh, well, I don't know about this vegan diet or this flexitarian diet," it's like, well, everything, the proof is in the pudding, right?
**Unknown:** Mm. It's like I can sit here. I'm also almost 80 pounds, uh, lighter than I was three months ago, or really back in June, I guess. I weighed 247 pounds.
**Unknown:** Today I sit here 170 pounds. Wow. You know? So just that transition, but it's not just the diet.
**Unknown:** It's also the exercise. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, back in, uh, in June when I quit drinking alcohol, I started walking, and I would just do like whatever I could that day. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And, uh, you know, that's shifted to like where I'm running three miles almost- Yeah ... uh, every other day. And I do yoga now. It's like, it's not just one thing, I think, but the diet has taught me more than anything is that, um, less is more.
**Unknown:** Um, the more veggies, the better I feel. Yep. And, uh- It's probably things that you've just been missing for so long as well, is like giving your body those nutrients. Your body is like, "Oh my gosh, I haven't had this for so long." But, you know, it's interesting 'cause like coming from like the scientific perspective of just even some of the things that you're saying is, you know, when, with where your body was at, you know, and, and I saw her skin.
**Unknown:** Her skin was, like we said, it, it was pretty extreme. It was like I was able to look at it and be like, "You must be in pain." Mm-hmm. And so there was a lot going on internally that obviously, the skin a lot of times is a reflection of what's happening internally. So for you, like making some of the shifts, so first of all, cutting out alcohol is going to then take so much stress off of the pancreas and be able to stabilize the blood sugar.
**Unknown:** And your blood is running throughout your entire body, and it, your blood health is very ref- reflective of your skin. So we have that piece. And then secondarily is shifting into, you know, doing more plants, getting away from the meat, is when our bodies are inflamed, and, you know, our diet isn't the best, and, you know, we're kind of just like having these ups and downs with our health, your digestion can slow down. And you can, it can be a lot more difficult for you to break down something like animal protein.
**Unknown:** So being able to like give your body that break and give your gut this reset is so, so significant to then be able to absorb your nutrients better, to digest better, et cetera. So for you, it's not just like, okay, I'm not... For me, I'm not looking at you being like, oh, you know, just because you, you cut out the animal protein, that was like-Um, the end-all be-all, it was because of cutting that out was able to allow this massive reset to so many of your organs. Yeah, and I think, too, it was like it wasn't just that, it was grains, too.
**Unknown:** I cut out all grains. I cut out any kind of, uh, rice, corn, uh, all kinds of wheat grain, and I also cut out sugar 100%. Mm-hmm. And because that, my body started to metabolize the fat- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** and get away from eating the carbohydrates and the sugars- Mm-hmm ... that it normally would. And I know you've been talking about this a lot, like, in the recent, like, you know, just because your body shifted, like, what makes it shift into a fat-eating source versus before it was just burning sugar and carbohydrates all the time- Mm-hmm ... which was leaving me swollen.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. Well, and I'm glad you say carbohydrates, too, because so many people just think of sugar being bad, and they're not thinking about rice, and they're not thinking about even potatoes. They're not thinking about those pieces of the puzzle. We kind of think, like, oh, if I had a big bowl of pasta, that probably wasn't too great.
**Unknown:** But, you know, your big huge bowl of quinoa that you eat every day or your big huge bowl of rice, like, you still potentially are spiking your blood sugar, you know, on a consistent basis. And that actually kind of brings me to talking about your energy levels and how that shifted. So if you're constantly running in the glucose-burning state because of the sugar in the diet, because of the alcohol, because of, you know, the carbohydrates, the grains, et cetera, then you're going to then, your brain will only use so much of that glucose, and then you just have a bunch of floating glucose in the body which then starts to have a negative effect and will definitely compromise your brain, which is gonna make you fatigued and foggy. So, and I know that you're like, "I just feel like the fog has lifted.
**Unknown:** My energy is completely different," which now is also allowing you to be more vot- motivated to do the exercise. So at the end of the day, it's such a cycle. And when we're- Mm-hmm ... in the negative cycle, this is the reason why, you know, we eat bad, and because we have the cravings, because everything internally is off, we eat the bad stuff, then we feel tired and foggy and moody, and then we don't wanna work out, and then we just kind of perpetuate the cycle.
**Unknown:** You don't work out. You don't have any endorphins. You're not burning any fat. You start to look in the mirror and be like, "Oh, I look like crap," and then you're like, "I'll drink a glass of wine to, like, numb the pain." Yeah, exactly, and that's what my life was for a really long time until I really took responsibility for myself and the level of care that I needed.
**Unknown:** Yeah. And, you know, I think it's funny, like, a lot of people obviously have noticed this big transition in me, and they're like, "What are you doing?" And it's like, "Well, how much time do you have?" Yeah. You know? It's like, you know, it's- It's not one thing.
**Unknown:** Exactly. It's, it's, it's everything. Like, you know, this, this thing we call life, this journey is, like, you know, I always look at it of, of, like, puzzle pieces, you know? It's like every person, every interaction aids to some level of success and grace in your life.
**Unknown:** And also the ultimate process, which is choice. Mm-hmm. You know? And it's like so much of the time we give our energy and our practices to, like, not the right choices.
**Unknown:** And I also think I had to bump my head on that log for a really long time in order for me to get to this place in my life where, like, I feel the best I've ever felt, and I'm 36 years old. Mm-hmm. You know? It's like, and there's this deep calling in me to go into my 40s, like, the healthiest, best version of myself.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. You know? Because i- that's the other thing. We rely on, like, healthcare, and it's like, what is healthcare in this, in this society?
**Unknown:** You know? It's like, and it's, it is laughable because it's not real care. Like, I couldn't tell you how many people over this, like, last very small period of time that have went to the doctor's for something, and then they've got admitted into the emergency room, and some of those people never came out. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** You know? And it's just a system that's designed to feed them, and we give our power to that- Mm-hmm ... over and over again, where it's like I am the one in power right now because- Yeah ... I am giving myself those things.
**Unknown:** And just the, the transformation that I've seen in you, obviously from a physical standpoint, but f- the fact that you made a choice. Mm-hmm. You made a choice to, to wake up and do things differently and then stick to that disciplined day-to-day. That is so much more empowering- Mm ...
**Unknown:** than just relying on someone else to fix you. And I think that that has played a very significant role in the sustainability for you. You were not like, "Let me do the Weight Watchers," and kind of put it in their hands, and then, you know, "I'm gonna stop doing that. I didn't really learn anything.
**Unknown:** I didn't shift any of my behaviors, and, you know, now I'm gonna go back to where I was." Like, this was a, a, a very empowering, you know, course of action that you have taken, and, and that's why we're doing this right now. I did not bring Nerissa on here because I fixed her. Mm-hmm. And I think that this is just so significant because Integrative Wellness Group is amazing, and we do amazing things on a day-to-day basis, but the point is, is that I can't fix you- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** unless you're going to play an active role in that. You, it takes so much work on an individual basis to shift how you think about your health. You know, when I have those patients that are sitting there thinking that I'm trying to torture them because I told them not to eat gluten, and, you know, and then I told them to cut back on the alcohol, and they think that I'm, like, you know, trying to maliciously, like, like, ruin their lives. And I'm like, well, if that's where the mindset is, is that you want to be fixed and you want to be in perfect health, but you still want to indulge on eating out every single meal and having a bottle of wine every night, that's just not how it works.
**Unknown:** It doesn't equate to a healthy lifestyle. So for us to kind of be in this relationship together and you put all of it on me as the physician and say, "No, no, no, Doc, I'm gonna keep doing my thing-" "... but you gotta fix me,"Not really how it works. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** I'm not saying that there's not balance. I'm not saying that it's not about, you know, you'll be able to go out to dinner with your friends, and you'll be able to have a glass of wine. But you know, there is a mindset shift that has to happen in order for you to truly be successful with your health, and also to create sustainability. I agree 100%.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. I feel like, too, for me, it was a readiness. It was like, "Wow, I have all these tools. Now what do I do with them?" Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And I have all these great people that are trying to help me, and it's like, now it's my time to like take everything that I've learned and actually put it into l- into work. Mm-hmm. And, you know, there was just, like I said, a deep readiness in me to want to change and want to grow in a different way. And you know, I think the other piece for me, too, is like, you know, I think we all struggle from addictive behaviors in our society.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. And, you know, that can look like a million different things. It could look like television addiction. Yes.
**Unknown:** It could look like our cyber world, cellphone, magic wand addiction. Mm-hmm. It could look like pornographic addiction. It could look like a mocha latte.
**Unknown:** That one, too. That's for me. Yeah. Food, I mean, it's, it's endless, right?
**Unknown:** The amount of addictions we all have. Yeah. And I think when I laid down alcohol, not to say, like, mm, maybe I was addicted. Or we'll just say I was, right?
**Unknown:** Like, we'll just get real frank. I was addicted to alcohol to some degree, and when I laid that down, it was like, now what am I gonna fill this time with? Mm-hmm. Because alcohol's a medicine.
**Unknown:** Yeah. You know? And that's the other thing. When we lay these things down, these old habits or these old parts of ourselves, it's really important for us to refill that with something new.
**Unknown:** Yes. We can't expect result and leave that laying on the ground and not re-up with something. Mm-hmm. And that's the other thing is, like, I let go of alcohol, and like I said to you, I started walking.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. Just like one or two days a week. Mm-hmm. You know?
**Unknown:** And then now it's like, oh, five or six days a week I'm exercising and walking. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, you know, I think that's the other thing, like, we forget how precious time is.
**Unknown:** And you know, it's funny, like, my best friend, uh, who's also my business partner, which, you know, we did a workshop at the Integrative Wellness Center. Mm-hmm. A crystal workshop over the, the, whenever that was, summer. We were just talking about the, um, the addictive behaviors.
**Unknown:** Which I do have a comment about, so. Yeah. Okay. So go ahead.
**Unknown:** Yeah. So we're just gonna go there. We'll just let that one fly away. Well, what I was like thinking, too, is a lot of my education that I do when it comes to the addictive behaviors is helping people to understand that, you know, when you're trying to overcome addiction, some people can overcome it, and some people, it's really, really difficult.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. So really, like, uh, there's two parts to the puzzle here, and I think this is just so important to shed light on, is that you can have an actual brain imbalance. You can have a massive dopamine deficiency which is going to keep you circling back to the addiction. And that is the case for many, many people.
**Unknown:** But then there's also what you described, is you can have, you know, the, the chemical dependency because your dopamine is low. So then you go for that glass of wine or that martini. Mm-hmm. Or the video game or whatever it is, and it gives you that temporary dopamine high, which is going to then make you feel good, but unfortunately, it's temporary.
**Unknown:** So then it drops back down, which is why you go for that same sub- substance again. But at the end of the day, depending on what it is for you, there's obviously a habitual component to this. So when it comes to filling the void or filling the time that is now opened up, that is so, so significant. Because if you want to use, like, alcohol as an example, a lot of times, like, the feedback I will get is, "Well, it's not necessarily about the wine or the drink.
**Unknown:** It's the fact that I like to go out." Mm-hmm. "And I like to disconnect, and I like to be in that environment." And I know that I can personally relate to this, is I found myself, you know, wanting to just, like, if I'm home, I'm on the internet, I'm on my computer, I'm working. I'm doing something. So I'm like, "Let me go," and I'll like, that's my way of disconnecting.
**Unknown:** So there's definitely a habitual part of this. So it's like, if you're going to try to control the addiction, it's like, okay, we gotta consider, do we need to support a chemical imbalance? Mm-hmm. You know, a, a neurotransmitter imbalance.
**Unknown:** And then once the time is opened up, what are you gonna do differently? 'Cause if you don't figure that out, you're not gonna be successful. And I think that's just so, so significant that you were able to be like, "Okay, well, I have time opened up now because I'm not, you know, wasting time drinking or being hungover." Yeah. So, you know, I'm gonna fill this with something that's good for me.
**Unknown:** And that's part of it, too. It's like I realized how much money I was saving not going out four or five nights a week. Mm-hmm. You know?
**Unknown:** Or going out and having four or five drinks a night. Mm-hmm. You know? It's like, wow, that's a lot of money I get to save, and I put that towards, like, the colonics and coming and get a spa treatment.
**Unknown:** I, your integrative wellness center, and like, you know, I started getting more care in other ways that I typically wouldn't. Mm-hmm. And I was also like, "Wow, I could really afford to eat organic now." Mm-hmm. You know, every day.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. You know, I found myself, like, wanting to go to the grocery store, whereas before I'd be like, you know, I'd buy a bunch of stuff in the beginning of the week, and it would go bad in the fridge because I'd go out to eat. Mm-hmm. And it's just like, it's, it's so big.
**Unknown:** It's such a big scope when we think of care and yeah. But what you're saying is so relatable to so many people. Yeah. It's so, so relatable.
**Unknown:** And you know, because we, we have so much access to so many different things, and this is not about, like, one, you know, one change. It, it was, you just shifted how you thought about all of it. And what's really cool is that it also started to become a little bit of a natural evolution. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** Is, like, you started to ask your body more of what it needed. Then you started to be more empowered to go to the grocery store. Then you were more empowered to like, "Well, I bought all these great things. I might as well make them." And it cut down on the eating out, which, you know, as much as we want to, like, make those healthy choices when we eat out.
**Unknown:** Like, I had a woman, this was years ago, and I remember she was talking to me about her struggle with weight loss. And I was like, "Well, what are, you know, what are you eating?" She's like, "Well, I eat grilled chicken on a salad, like, for lunch. And, you know, I have a smoothie in the morning." And, you know, she, like, on paper, was doing all of these really, really great things. So I took it a step further and I was like, "Okay." I was like, "Well, where, you know, are you making this stuff yourself?
**Unknown:** Where are you getting it? What's the quality like?" And, um, she pretty much disclosed that she was getting a smoothie from, like, Dunkin' Donuts, which is-... pretty much God knows how much sugar is in it. It's gotta be at least 60 grams of sugar.
**Unknown:** So smoothie sounds good, but depending on where you're getting it and what's in it, different story. And then her grilled chicken salad was actually from a, uh, pub. So we know that chicken ain't organic. Secondarily, we also know that the lettuce is covered in pesticides, which now we are up to 262 chemicals on our produce.
**Unknown:** And then we also... And I worked in the restaurant industry, so I do know all these things. But, um, the dressing, you can get your vinaigrette, but your vinaigrette, chances are high probability there's MSG in it, which is toxic. So on paper, your grilled chicken salad was really great, but the quality of it was crap.
**Unknown:** And all, majority of the components of that salad was all inflammatory. So, like, these are the things that are not necessarily on our radar when we think, "Oh, I eat out, but I, I make healthy choices." So, and I think there is something therapeutic about even making our own food and, and actively nourishing our own bodies. I agree. I feel so much more connected to it.
**Unknown:** And I'm also excited to, like, get in the kitchen. And, like, I also love the piece that you said about, like, really being authentic about this shift and the evolutionary process because I put zero pressure on myself. Mm-hmm. Where in the past, my old self would be like, "Oh my God, you have to do the diet and the exercise-" "...
**Unknown:** and you have to do all these things," and I would wilt into a flower and not get any of those things done or accomplished. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Where this time it was like, "Oh, I think I can get out into the world today- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** and go for a walk." Mm-hmm. "I think I can do that." Mm-hmm. And I would, and I'd show up. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And, you know, then it evolved into the next thing, right? And, like, now I told you, like, I run, like, three miles every other day. Mm-hmm. You know?
**Unknown:** And I think, too, it's like the amount of pressure we all put on ourselves in society literally wilts us into flowers. Mm. And it's like it takes us out of our authentic self. And also, like, this is who I am.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. You know, we're always trying to be something we're not because we're comparing ourselves to everything around us. Yeah. When at the end of the day, like, instead of comparing myself to, say, someone like you, 'cause you're just in front of me right now, I can just share this moment and be really happy with who I am and know that that's reflected in you.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. You know, instead of being like, "Oh, I wish I was more like Dr. Nicole." You know, I really wish- You don't. Yeah.
**Unknown:** Well, yes, there is part of truth in that, but, like, you know what I'm saying in the sense that it's like that's more judgment and ego based- Of course ... instead of just being really true to your heart. Yeah. And being like, "Wow, this is amazing.
**Unknown:** I get to spend this time with her." Mm-hmm. "And I get to be educated, and I get to help educate other people." Mm-hmm. And yeah, I think, I think it's so, it's so good. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** It's so good, and like I just feel like a different person, you know. And, like, even people will say to me, like, "Marissa, like, you're so different now." Mm-hmm. "Like, what is so different about you?" And it's like everything. Well, let's actually go to the flip side of that.
**Unknown:** Because you are so different. So, like, just share with people, because I know that some people will fear making these strides and taking these steps because they are scared of how their relationships can change. Mm-hmm. Because some of them will change in a really positive way.
**Unknown:** Um, then you might find that there are certain people in your life that are not serving you anymore. So I would love for you to just kind of briefly share about that reflection and how, you know, how you kind of handled some of that. Um, with a lot of grace and compassion and, uh, you know, with a lot of love. And I think at the end of the day, I think, you know, all people come into your life for a reason.
**Unknown:** And I think, um, for me specifically, what I realized is my level of depression and dysfunction was not serving me or my partnerships at that time. And I think it takes a lot of courage to tell someone that you really care about that you can't be with them anymore. Mm-hmm. And it takes a lot of strength of character, but the other side of that is, um, most people stay because they're comfortable, because they know, like, this is good and there's nothing really wrong.
**Unknown:** Like, there was nothing really wrong, so to speak. Mm-hmm. But it's like my soul was like, "This isn't for you anymore." Mm-hmm. Like, it's time to lay that down in order for you to- Anymore ...
**Unknown:** anymore. And I think that's a key, key thing is, you know, it's not that that person, you know, wasn't good for you the whole time, it's just maybe where you are now and where you're going, things, you just need different things. 100%. Yeah.
**Unknown:** And I think no matter what, you can still do that with grace and ease in your life and a lot of love without doing it like my old self would've been a tyrant, would have, like, you know, uh, smashed things and been angry- ... and abusive because that's who I was being to myself, angry and abusive. Mm-hmm. And the second that that switch went on to like, "Oh, I can be more graceful and more loving and kind and caring to myself," I was able to do that.
**Unknown:** For others. For others. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I feel like in relationships, whether, whatever the partnership is, you know, it's a matter of who's waking up- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** to the fact that this no longer serves either of us. Mm-hmm. And one person may not be ready to admit that. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** But I think even in my experiences with some of those relationships that I've laid down, I've watched them progress, and I've watched them blossom in their own way. Yeah. And whether they're ready to admit that or not- Mm-hmm ... I still can see the changes happening in them as well.
**Unknown:** Yeah. And all of my relationships are much different now. Mm-hmm. I think that's really significant that you say that because, you know, one of the methods that, uh, Dr.
**Unknown:** Nick, my husband, does in, at Integrative Wellness Group is the Demartini method. And, you know, when he's doing this method, he's taking people through, uh, different events that they presume to be very, very traumatic, very negative, and sometimes it is, uh, this person left me, or this relationship ended- ... or this person, you know, uh, moved on. And there's usually a lot of negativity around and a lot of resentment around it.
**Unknown:** And the whole purpose of the method is to really kind of like unravel all aspects of it because there's always gonna be good with bad 'cause everything is always in balance. That's actually physics. And-What often is found is that the event that they presume to be the most horrible thing ever that completely had only negatives and no positives, they realize how that actually completely shifted the trajectory of their life that ended up allowing them to be where they are today. Or, or they, you know, met someone else, or they got the different job, or, or whatever the case may be.
**Unknown:** But sometimes we're not always reflecting back on the scenario to really be able to see the positives that, that came out of it. So I think that it's really empowering with what you're saying is that, you know, when you have these uncomfortable conversations, it's not always that the other person is gonna get it at that moment. But no matter what, if one person is not feeling congruent anymore, chances are the other person is as well, but they're not willing to admit it. Yeah.
**Unknown:** Um, the energy is energy. You're always gonna feel that, and there's always going to be that transfer. Um, a lot of times we're just designed to ignore that. We're, we're designed to ignore our gut feeling, to ignore that energetic transfer, and just keep doing what we're supposed to do or what we think the other person wants us to do, et cetera.
**Unknown:** So, you know, when you're making these shifts, we could easily say, "Oh, I'm being selfish," because, you know, nothing was wrong. Mm-hmm. But, you know, I've moved on, and I need to, I need to do my thing. But in reality, it's- ...
**Unknown:** you know, you could easily be doing them a service, but you might not realize it within that moment, or they might not realize it within that moment. Yeah, when you talk about this, I keep getting the thread of grief, you know? Mm. It's like people think of grief as like, um, somebody died, I have to grieve, but it's like throughout my life I'm gonna have to keep grieving.
**Unknown:** I'm gonna... I'm still grieving my old self. You know, on day-to-day basis. Yes.
**Unknown:** But it's true. It's like, because I'm s- I'm changing so fast. Mm-hmm. And, and, you know, there's parts of me that it's like, "Oh my God, do I really miss that?" Like, do I miss that person or that thing?
**Unknown:** And it's like, no, you just have to grieve more, Nerissa. Mm. Like, you need to lay down a little bit deeper- Mm-hmm ... what that was.
**Unknown:** And, you know, I think for me, like, grief is so layered, and I'm sure you could touch a little bit upon this, but like, it's like the first level of grief is like sadness, right? It's like- Mm-hmm ... we go right into, like, depression mode. Like, I'm gonna cry every day, like, need boxes of tissues by my bedside.
**Unknown:** Yes. And then it's like the next level of grief for me is anger. It's like, "Oh my God, how did this person just leave me after all this time and space? And I thought they loved me." Yeah.
**Unknown:** "I thought we were gonna spend our life together." And then it's like when you lay some more of that anger down, it's like then the next level appears, and it's like, "Oh, now I have a little bit more clarity," like you were touching upon. Like, now maybe I can see the lesson, right? Like- Mm-hmm ... because there's no bad or good, it's just a matter of what you're lear- ready to learn throughout that- Yes ...
**Unknown:** that person or that experience. Mm. So then it's like the next part of grief is that. It's like- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** "Oh, well, what's the lesson? I laid a lot more anger and sadness and depression down. Now I can kinda see more clearly of like, wow, that was a good thing that happened." Mm-hmm. And then it's like, you know, and then you might go through that cycle of grief again, just like, you know, the moon teaches us that, like, nothing's ever done or complete.
**Unknown:** Mm. It just comes in cycles, you know? Yes. And it's a matter for me with this specific thing, grief, that we're talking about is that the next cycle might be a little easier and a little bit more less stuff that I have to lay down, but there's still gonna be some level of grief- Yeah ...
**Unknown:** that I have to go through. And like, even with all of these changes, like I said, it's like, you know, I just bought a new house. Like, I'm literally leaving this old, this old- Mm-hmm ... self 110% behind, and I'm, like, stepping into this whole new life- Mm-hmm ...
**Unknown:** into this whole new person. And it's like, you know, it's natural. Fear is gonna come up. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** And, uh, you know, that's been something, like, in these last couple weeks, like, that have been coming up a lot, like f- fear of failure, fear of not being good enough. Mm-hmm. And just because I'm, like, living this great life doesn't mean that those things still can't penetrate me. Of course.
**Unknown:** And I also have a different level of emotional intelligence right now because I'm so clear- Mm-hmm ... to be able to work through this stuff in a different way. Mm-hmm. And also be able to, like, say to you, like, "Hey, fear's coming up, Dr.
**Unknown:** Nicole." Mm-hmm. "Do you have any good tools for me to work through this right now?" Mm-hmm. And you might give me something that I need in that time, but I don't expect you to heal the fear inside of me. Of course.
**Unknown:** Of course. But I think it's significant with what you're saying is that, you know, there's, there's always going to be things that come up, and I think that we need to get out of the mindset that our lives are just going to be, like, step for... They're gonna be perfect, and we're never gonna have stress come up. And, you know, we're gonna have a world with peace and no war.
**Unknown:** And because at the end of the day, it's all about balance. There's always gonna be good with the bad. There's always gonna be peace with war, war with peace. A- and we have to kind of embrace that and just be able to teach ourselves different coping mechanisms.
**Unknown:** Mm. And being able to step into these scenarios differently, handle them differently, thinking, think about them differently, you know, be able to, you know, learn the lessons and not necessarily classify it as, "Oh, I have bad luck," or, you know, "Bad things happen to good people." Mm-hmm. And at the end of the day, there is another side of that. There are good things happening to you that you're probably just not acknowledging.
**Unknown:** So at the end of the day, it is all about balance, and it is really about just shifting, shifting the mindset, shifting how you look at things, how, shifting how you show up in, in your life, in your relationships, et cetera. And I think that you are, you know, such a, a great example of all of this, and hence why I wanted you to be part of this. And again, for those of you, you know, that maybe missed it early on, like, uh, Nerissa was not necessarily just solely working with IWG. Um, you know, I wanted to bring her on to talk about her amazing testimonial to us.
**Unknown:** This was really about helping to open your eyes that it's, it starts with you.It starts with your choice. It starts with your action. You cannot just hand the baton to some physician, hand the baton to some other practitioner and say, "You fix me," 'cause that's just not how it works. It's never how it worked.
**Unknown:** Well, and it's funny being a facilitator, I'm like, "Uh, I don't think I'm the right fit for you." You know? Like, because you, you... We all have the power as facilitators to be like, "Nope, I don't think maybe I'm the right facilitator for you." Mm-hmm. Because what you're looking for isn't what I'm gonna give you, because I can't give everything to you.
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. And I think that's really empowering for me in my own practices, is that, like, I can say no to anybody I don't want- Mm ... to work with as well. And I think, you know, um, there's a seat for every butt in the world for a reason, and that person might need a different kind of facilitator than I am.
**Unknown:** 100%. And that's totally okay. You know? Yeah.
**Unknown:** And I might be able to refer them to somebody really great. Mm-hmm. But I think at the end of the day, that's something that's really important for me in my practice that, like, a lot of people have taught me is, like, you can say no at any time to someone who's looking for more than what you have to offer. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** Or just, you know, an energy sucker. Mm-hmm. Because those people- Yeah ... for me are, like, energy suckers, you know?
**Unknown:** Mm-hmm. It's like I, uh... Like, one of the most profound things somebody told me is, like, you know, the, the, the brain is on the table. You know, the intelligent person is on the table when you're working on them.
**Unknown:** You don't have to do anything more than just listen to what is needed at the time. Mm. But it's like when somebody's getting a session with me, it's like, that's the genius. Mm-hmm.
**Unknown:** I just have to clear the way in order for them to be full- Mm-hmm ... in themself. Mm-hmm. You know?
**Unknown:** And I just, I love thinking in terms of that. It's like, you know, we all have a deep, innate intelligence in us, and it's a matter of really connecting with that, and that's what I'm doing. Yeah. You know?
**Unknown:** And it also makes me a much better facilitator because I've went through this healing process. Mm-hmm. And I think it's just huge, you know, talking about facilitators. Again, she means, like, practitioners.
**Unknown:** And, you know, we always seek out the specialist. We seek out the expert. We seek out the one person who knows our condition the best. And, you know, at the end of the day, when you're talking about healing, as we know, you know, after this podcast, is it's deeper than that, and it's about, you know, being able to feel your healing start just by, you know, interacting with these, you know, these healers, these facilitators, these, you know, your team of people.
**Unknown:** And it's not just about, you know, necessarily, oh, they're the expert in the one thing that I have going on. 'Cause chances are, number one, is you have various things going on. Mm-hmm. Um, and, you know, it's...
**Unknown:** Your healing process is not just dictated on science. It's dictated by your mindset, so psychology, energy, you know, uh, physics. All of those things are really, really significant, hence why, you know, we have embraced an integrative mindset is it's not about one thing. It's about the diet and the exercise and the mindset and the habit change and all of these wonderful things that you have depicted here today.
**Unknown:** So I thank you so much. Thank you. And it's been an amazing journey for you, and I can't wait to see where you are even in a couple of more weeks. I know.
**Unknown:** So, um, so we really, really appreciate your insight. I think this is something that so many people can relate to, and it really just... You know, the goal is, is to empower all of you that are listening to just understand that it starts with you, and it starts with your choice to really start making those strides to be your better self. I couldn't agree more.
**Unknown:** All right. Thanks, guys. We thank you for being a listener and subscriber to Integrative Wellness Radio. If you're looking to learn more about Integrative Wellness Group as well as Dr.
**Unknown:** Nick or Dr. Nicole, you can check out integrativewellnessgroup.com. All night, no sleep. 'Cause I feel like I'm always dreaming.
**Unknown:** Wide awake. That's okay.
Related episodes
About Integrative You Radio
Integrative You Radio is a root cause medicine and integrative medicine podcast hosted by Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers — two integrative doctors who build personalized wellness protocols from your DNA, minerals, hormones, gut, and nervous system rather than from a population template. Looking for an integrative doctor who reads your labs together instead of in isolation? This is the show.
Further reading
Listen and read the full episode →