Demartini Series: How To Move Out Of A Toxic Relationship with Yourself
Episode 104
In this episode of Integrative Wellness Radio, Dr. Nick is joined by IWG Client Services Director, Valerie LaBarbera to kick off a new Demartini Series. Dr. Nick & Valerie talk through negative self-talk and how toxicity is actually important when uncovering your values. Valerie shares her top three values and the journey she took in discovering them. Throughout this episode, Dr. Nick sheds light on his values determination process and techniques you can implement to begin moving out of a toxic relationship with yourself. Spoiler alert: You need to commit to doing the inner work in order to see results. Interested in working with IWG? Book a complimentary consult call to learn more using this link: https://bit.ly/IWRcall2021 Resources: Principles by Ray Dalio Noteworthy Time Stamps: 2:22 Why we have negative self-talk 6:02 Mind-body connection 7:40 Why we NEED the toxicity + the purpose it serves 10:56 What true love is in relation to values 11:02 HOW to get out of a toxic relationship with yourself in 6 simple words 12:27 Val walks through her top 3 values & how she decided on them 15:30 Bullseye analogy: why to aim small 17:22 HOW to get more specific and "niche down" your values 21:10 The 80/20 Rule 23:05 What are "reassessment days"?
Topics: negative, talk, self, toxic, values, relationship, yourself, integrative
Key takeaways from this episode
- So, when we look at having a toxic relationship and, you know, we can start with that negative uh negative talk, uh especially negative self-talk is uh first and foremost, just understanding, you know, why we have it.
- And today we're going to talk about moving out of a toxic relationship with yourself.
- So for me, that has been my biggest hurdle is becoming aware of that negative self-talk because there's a lot of toxic conversations that were going on in my head for many years, serving no purpose but to just bring me down, tear me down.
- So, when we have this negative feedback coming in the form of negative self-talk, uh it's always the question is, you know, why?
- So, when we look at the negative self-talk, um and we understand that energy is always in balance.
Pull quotes
Imagine if medicine actually looked at you as a whole as opposed to looking at you as a bunch of separate systems.
Nicole to learn more about the top trends in integrative medicine to learn about what the limitations are with testing and what you can do to start your health journey.
Uh my name is Valerie LaBarbera and I'm the Client Services Director at Integrative Wellness Group.
Transcript
I've been up all night, no sleep. Imagine if medicine actually looked at you as a whole as opposed to looking at you as a bunch of separate systems. Dive into Integrative Wellness Radio with Dr. Nick and Dr. Nicole to learn more about the top trends in integrative medicine to learn about what the limitations are with testing and what you can do to start your health journey. Sometimes I tend to lose myself when I'm out here on my own. All right everyone, welcome to Integrative Wellness Radio. Today, we are your host. Uh my name is Valerie LaBarbera and I'm the Client Services Director at Integrative Wellness Group. And I am joining her Dr. Nick Kruthers. I'm one of the head physicians here at Integrative Wellness Group. And today we're going to talk about moving out of a toxic relationship with yourself. There's a lot of stress in the world right now and a lot of people have a lot of stress coming internally, uh through negative self-talk, through negative actions or a lack of taking action. So, Val, starting right off the bat, what does moving out of a toxic relationship mean to you? A lot of things. It means, first and foremost, um I would say just like you said, the negative self-talk. We don't realize that we have a constant, you know, conversation going on in our heads from the moment we wake up to the moment we go go to sleep. Mhm. So for me, that has been my biggest hurdle is becoming aware of that negative self-talk because there's a lot of toxic conversations that were going on in my head for many years, serving no purpose but to just bring me down, tear me down. And there was no constructive moving forward from that. Yep, 100%. And you know, when we're when we're really diving into understanding uh why we even have toxic relationships in the first thing is it's it's really understanding that nothing in life is just bad and nothing is just good. And when we're striving to live a one sided life, we're always going to attract the other side to maintain anonymity and keep balance uh not only actually in our own lives but with within the world, within the universe. Mhm. So, when we look at having a toxic relationship and, you know, we can start with that negative uh negative talk, uh especially negative self-talk is uh first and foremost, just understanding, you know, why we have it. And the foundation of all negative self-talk is really a feedback mechanism. Uh when we look through the eyes of science, uh all feedback mechanisms come through both a positive and a negative feedback. So, when we have this negative feedback coming in the form of negative self-talk, uh it's always the question is, you know, why? Why are we doing this? Because we're doing this to serve a purpose and that's one of the things that I think that most people don't realize that, you know, we look and we judge things for only being negative, but as soon as we can increase our awareness and consciousness to be able to see that everything serves a purpose and we can use those purposes to serve ourselves, uh we don't have to be a victim of our negative self-talk and we can use it to grow and to actually start serving ourselves out of that toxic relationship into truly serving ourselves. So, when we look at the negative self-talk, um and we understand that energy is always in balance. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. So, what would be the opposite of uh come on, negative self-talk? Building yourself back up, you know, being an advocate, a loving advocate for yourself, uh and that would be a balance of and I know, just going back to the negative self-talk, speaking for myself, it was trying to protect myself. But what I was only doing was hindering myself from stepping past the negative self-talk, bringing some loving, positive feedback to myself to then help me grow. So. And that that becomes such a long process. And because you're always taking one step forward, taking two steps back, you know, you're you're going in the positive direction but then we have to go back and deal with some more negative self-talk that's there, then kind of pushing through and against that and becoming positive again and then life hits us in the face and, you know, we get knocked down and then it's two or three or four and steps backwards. So, really, I mean, what we're offering today is to be able to to look through and listen uh to be able to gain these gems so we don't have to get knocked down so many times. And the actual transition from moving out of this toxic relationship into a loving relationship with yourself can have so much more flow to it. So, just as what you said is, you know, you were going through negative and then kind of building yourself up. So, the reason if we if we twist that around, the negative self talk was actually there because it was needed to break yourself down. And this is if if you don't have a pen and paper already, you might want to grab one because this is where the it starts getting juicy. Um we need to break ourselves down when we're living a fantasy. And when I say we're living a fantasy, that fantasy is constructed mentally. So, when we have an idea of how life is supposed to be, hence a fantasy, and it is not congruent with that, then we're going to build ourselves down and create a toxic relationship with ourself. And we need that to happen to be able to break away from that fantasy because hence going back, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If we're creating a fantasy, really fantasies are the drivers and creators of our nightmares. Mhm. So, the nightmare ends up being our relationship with ourself, which can be a little scary. Yeah. So, just understanding that alone uh gives us a foundation to be able to what to work upon because it really we don't have to work on and this is from integrated medicine, from everything that we do here, so many people will come in with tons of symptoms and we'll talk about hormones, we'll talk about all these things, but it's like, you can't make a long lasting true change unless you change the foundation of what created all the symptoms. So, it's like, you know, people come in like, my hormones are off, we need to fix my hormones. I'm like, but if we look at hormones, hormones are created by what? An organ system. So, if your organ system is not functioning properly, it's going to create hormones that are quote-unquote out of balance. So, if our emotions are out of balance, that comes back to the foundation of what creates your emotions are out of balance, which is our belief systems. Mhm. So, it always comes back to honestly, our belief systems and to be able to use our beliefs to serve what's most important to us, our highest values. And that's what really connects us back to that fantasy is that we have a fantasy of what life's supposed to be like and anytime that we have a fantasy, it's because our fantasy is not congruent with what's most important to us. Yeah. And this is the thing of just, you know, it's still early on in the year, setting goals. Most people honestly set goals and then they never look at them again, um or they're they're never, um objectively set so that they can be met. And the reason that is is because they're not congruent with actually what's important to the person. We're setting up goals that are important to family members, are important to society, important to, you know, religios stipulations, like all these different things but not ourselves. And we need the negative feedback, we need the toxicity in our life to be able to pretty much wake us up to be able to say, hey, we have to start serving me, we have to start serving myself here and that is what's going to truly take us out of that toxic relationship into a loving relationship. Oh yeah. I think what you just hit the nail on the head with saying, you know, understanding, are we serving ourselves? That just ties back to like, what do you value in your life? What do you value about yourself? And taking the time to be like, you say like, focus. Is this within me or is this an external driver that's making me decide upon these values? And you just speaking from personal experience of taking on the outside factors of what other people wanted to impose on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values and then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value in life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others and, you know, when I started to get real, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like, I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100% And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, you know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, you know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, you know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you know, creativity, um being able to help and serve others. And, you know, when I started to get really, I got really, really specific with that. And from there, I started to realize, know, that self-talk wasn't happening as much, like the negative self-talk, like I wasn't being as toxic to myself. I took the time to lovingly sit there. Look at what I truly valued and then is that occurring in my daily life? And if it's not, then I need to really take the time to configure how I'm really truly serving myself and am I being, you know, loyal to those top values? 100%. And and you started, I want to just make sure everybody heard that is Val started saying that she was taking advice from so many people and people don't give advice to, you know, create havoc and chaos in Val's life or anybody's life. It's like we're giving advice to be able to try to help and to pass on and to love and to grow. But we have to understand is that people can only give advice based on what they know. And also, most people are giving advice based on what's actually going to serve them, not necessarily what's going to serve the other person because we all view the world, our life, everything through a lens and that lens comes through what's most important to us. So, if I'm giving advice to somebody, uh not understanding how human behavior truly works is the majority of the time, I'm going to be giving them advice based on what I would be doing to serve myself. But understanding that everybody has a different hierarchy of what's going to truly serve them, then it's not until we understand that hierarchy, what's most important to us, our highest values versus, know, what's most important to Val if I'm going to be giving her advice. I need to be giving advice to her highest values, not to my highest values. Because otherwise, she's going to go back and even if she took action on that, she would go through that pain response, that negative feedback mechanism, still showing her that she's not serving herself. She would be serving my highest values. And that that is the the love that's put out there, but unfortunately, uh it's just not the true love because true love is understanding what's most important to uh the other person as well, not just ourselves. So, getting into it, the easiest way to move out of a toxic relationship is to get crystal clear on your values. Yes. I agreed. So, Val, you talked a little bit about your values, um but go and you don't have to go into extreme detail, but go into a couple of things you did to figure out um A, what's most important to you, your highest value, and then how that's uh pretty much changed your life, how you've set up your life asking quality questions to serve those, which is dictated taking, you know, quality action. So, I'm going to also go back to the discussion you and I had where we outlined my top values as well because a lot of people can sit there and say, oh, three top values. I can, you know, bang those out, that's not a problem, I can name them. I went into that conversation with that same mindset and I'll never forget, "I was like, Yep, these are the top three things I value." And you challenge me and you're like, "No, you have to get more specific." And I didn't realize that, you know, there were still actually in some of my top values, some of the values of the individuals who were imposing their values on my life of what they thought would be good for me, um and then that's what kind of spurred that toxic self-talk of, know, putting myself in a position where I wasn't serving my top values. And then having to face that toxicity in its face to then realize what really was important to me, what did I value? And then I had that foundation to say, this is what I value and life is, you know, my values were, you
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Integrative You Radio is a root cause medicine and integrative medicine podcast hosted by Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers — two integrative doctors who build personalized wellness protocols from your DNA, minerals, hormones, gut, and nervous system rather than from a population template. Looking for an integrative doctor who reads your labs together instead of in isolation? This is the show.
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