The World Got Soft—And It’s Making Us Sick
Episode 271
This episode of Integrative You Radio is a real, raw truth bomb about how our culture’s obsession with comfort and distraction is quietly wrecking our resilience—and fueling anxiety. Dr. Nicole gets vulnerable about the dangers of over-supporting ourselves and our kids, the illusion of control, and why chasing dopamine hits (hello, social media) keeps us stuck in fear and out of alignment. She shares hard-won lessons from her own journey, calling out the cycle of burnout and how true growth only happens when we surrender to challenge, ask better questions, and make decisions from inspiration—not desperation. #IntegrativeYou #LimitlessLiving #MindsetShift #Resilience #Redirection #PersonalGrowth #ChallengeToGrow #ConsciousParenting #AlignedLiving #AnxietySolutions #BurnoutRecovery #DrNicoleRivera #AuthenticLiving #InspirationNotDesperation 3 Key Takeaways: Challenge Isn’t the Enemy—Distraction Is: We’re raising a generation terrified of discomfort, and it’s robbing us of wisdom and resilience. Growth happens when we let ourselves (and our loved ones) face challenge head-on, not when we bubble-wrap life. You Can’t Control Everything—But You Can Lead by Example: Trying to save others from pain or control every outcome is rooted in fear. The real power is in modeling presence, self-reflection, and aligned action—then letting others walk their own path. Rejection Is Redirection—If You’re Paying Attention: When you slow down, get quiet, and ask better questions, you see that what feels like rejection is actually the universe nudging you toward alignment. Make decisions from inspiration, not desperation, and watch your life transform. Quotes: “If you stay fucking distracted and you also listen to other miserable people, you’re fucked. In plain English, that’s what’s happening.” “Rejection isn’t rejection—it’s redirection. But you have to trust it, and you have to be present enough to see where it’s leading you.” Find Integrative You Radio On: Website Youtube Apple Spotify
Topics: integrative, anxiety, unknown, control, growth, challenge, rejection, world
Key takeaways from this episode
- ## The World Got Soft—And It’s Making Us Sick
- Challenge vs. Distraction:** We're creating a generation fearful of discomfort, sacrificing wisdom and resilience. True growth comes from facing challenges, not from avoiding them.
- Illusion of Control:** Attempting to shield ourselves and others from pain or control outcomes stems from fear. True strength lies in modeling presence, self-reflection, and inspired action.
- Rejection as Redirection:** What feels like rejection can be a divine nudge toward alignment. By slowing down and asking better questions, we can recognize these redirections.
- Inspiration Over Desperation:** Making choices from a place of inspiration, rather than desperation, is crucial for transforming your life and moving out of fear.
Pull quotes
This is the place where you become limitless. **Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior.
We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs, so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare.
If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place. **Unknown:** But buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive.
Transcript
**Unknown:** Welcome to Integrative U Radio, hosted by Dr. Nick Carruthers and yours truly, Dr. Nicole Rivera. This is the place where you become limitless.
**Unknown:** We are covering the latest and greatest topics, of course, in a disruptive fashion, around integrative medicine, mental health, and human behavior. We are also covering how those topics affect the human and family dynamics. We will be sprinkling in some truth bombs for our healthpreneurs, so they can join us in our mission to evolve healthcare. If you are health curious and growth focused, you are in the right place.
**Unknown:** But buckle up, because this is real, this is raw, and this is disruptive. This is Integrative U Radio. What's up, everyone? Welcome back to another episode of Integrative U Radio.
**Unknown:** You have Dr. Nicole here, and for those of you joining us on YouTube, this is just what you get right now. I got a one-month-old, and, uh, you know, it's, uh, it's like ride or die over here. So getting real and raw as per usual on our podcast, and there's kind of a couple of topics that all ended up fusing together when I was really, really thinking about this podcast.
**Unknown:** And the, the overarching message is, is how we are curating a culture that is scared of challenge, and how this is actually hurting us as a whole, and it's one of the biggest fucking drivers of anxiety. And, you know, it's actually very funny because I always tell you guys the stories of how these podcasts come about, and it's usually when we are just out and about living life, and we strike up a conversation, Dr. Nick and I. And he would be here, but, uh, again, you know, one-month-old, three-and-a-half-year-old, it's a little wild over here.
**Unknown:** And we saw a very oversized child that looked like they were 10 or older in a stroller, and we were just thinking in our heads, you know, our three-and-a-half-year-old is pretty independent, and, you know, I, I can't even imagine where he'll be by the time he's five or six years old. And the idea of a very large grown child being in a stroller, it was just a- an, an odd, uh, observation. And it just got us on this topic of this one-sided world that we're living in, that it's a lot of these frameworks and parenting styles, and even company cultures are all about support, support, support, nurture, nurture, nurture. And, you know, we're, we're scared of challenge, and we don't wanna rock the boat, and we wanna create harmony, and, you know, we don't want to fuck our kids up the way that maybe we got messed up.
**Unknown:** But really it comes down to this balance a- and really this is what the laws of energy and the laws of physics are built off of is it's all about balance. If you think that something is gonna be one-sided, if you think the world is gonna only be peaceful and there, there'll be no war, if there's only gonna be nice kids and no bullies, like, that is actually robbing us of gained learnings, lessons, and wisdom. So we need to shift our perception around challenge being so bad, because it's not. And it's funny because I was also looking at Instagram, and this is a phrase that I say all the time, but there was this 80-something-year-old woman, and she has this awesome Instagram account, and it's just her giving out advice from her, you know, many years alive, and she's real and she's raw and she, she goes, you know, straight to the point.
**Unknown:** And she said the very phrase that I love, that I speak upon to so many of our clients, especially young individuals, is, "It's not rejection, it's redirection." And this is something that can create so much freedom energetically, psychologically, when you understand it and you fucking trust it. Because we want to control things. That is a, a human tendency. It's actually a bad neurological wiring based off of fear in reality.
**Unknown:** But we jump in when things get scary, and we wanna control it. But in reality, you can't. Sometimes you need to surrender to what is happening and trust that it is putting you on the route in the direction that you are meant to go. And so one of the reasons why this is so fricking hard for people is because we live in a world of distraction.
**Unknown:** We live in a world... It started as entertainment, you know, TV, movie theaters, music, concerts, you know, all those things are fantastic. But now in this, this current age where we have these little mini computers in our pockets, and these little mini computers in our pockets are being given to younger and younger and younger generations, and part of the reason is because of fear, "I need to know where my kid is, so I need them to have a phone," what about-All of the, you know, millennials and older that survived, we all survived without cell phones, without being tracked every minute of our lives. You know, there was a lot of positives that came along with that that I feel like have been completely erased or forgotten, and now we think that constantly being connected to each other and constantly being connected to, you know, the, the internet and people that we don't even know on the internet is a positive thing, or it's a necessary thing.
**Unknown:** So the point that I'm making is that we've moved from entertainment into full bl-blown distraction. Um, it's kind of interesting because we have our... my father-in-law here, and he is in his mid-70s, and I think that it's not necessarily always talked about or acknowledged how social media and addiction to these computer devices is not just happening in the younger generation and, you know, the, the professional generation, those of us that feel like we have to be on constantly because we are running a business or we are aspiring to have some type of side hustle or we're working these high-profile, uh, job, nine-to-five jobs. But now there's a, a series of individuals that are retired, bored, don't know their purpose because they just got up and went to work every day, and now they don't have that to do anymore, and they're sitting on these devices for hours on end as a distraction.
**Unknown:** So if you're constantly distracted or entertained or looking for these dopamine hits, which is essentially what social media does, then you don't have any time to sit, to think, to really think bigger, think outside of the box for what you presume to be bad, what you presume to be negative, what you presume to be fear, what you presume to be the thing making you anxious. Because you don't have the time to shift your perception from fear to faith, "This is happening for a reason." You don't have the time to say, "Oh, I just got l-left," or what am I trying to say? "I just got let go from my job. I just got dumped.
**Unknown:** What does this mean? What is the redirection that's happening? What is the opportunity that lies ahead? What's the opportunity in the current moment?" If you start to ask yourself better questions, one, you're gonna get yourself out of a shit mindset quicker, you're gonna get yourself out of fear, you're gonna get yourself out of grief, you're gonna get yourself out of sadness, and you're gonna actually be able to know how to use the current challenge or experience.
**Unknown:** But if you stay fucking distracted and you also listen to other miserable people, you're fucked. Like, in plain English, that's what's happening. You know, there was a recent situation that, you know, we had a, a client who was surrounded by a, a group of women, I don't know these women at all, that were all speaking on behalf of their symptoms that, you know, "This is just normal for our age. This is what happens.
**Unknown:** This is what happens in menopause." And I said, "You know, you have to be careful who you surround yourself with, and you have to be careful who you listen to," because that's not reality for a series of other people in the world. There are people that have no menopausal symptoms, and then there's people that are debilitated from menopause, and there is a variety of reasons why that happens, and there are a variety of solutions. Do not put yourself in a box because of the people that you surround yourself with that are feeding you bullshit lies, because really, at the end of the day, everything is a half-truth. So if somebody says, "Oh, no, menopause is bad, and menopause makes you feel like shit, and menopause makes you lose your libido, and menopause makes your hair fall out, and menopause makes you miserable and anxious," that is a half-truth, because that's the truth for that p- current person, but that doesn't mean it's the truth for anyone else.
**Unknown:** So you have to really look at the world from this, from this lens of everything's a half-truth. We don't have to tell people, "You're wrong. That's not it." That's their truth. That doesn't mean it's your truth.
**Unknown:** So we need to understand that you can't save your kids. You can't save your loved ones. You can't save anybody. You...
**Unknown:** Everyone has their own journey. And also, what are you saving them from? You're saving them from what you perceive to be bad or negative? You know, let's talk about a car accident.
**Unknown:** Like, nobody wants to see any relative, kid, child, husband, wife get into a car accident. But if you think you can control that outcome, you're out of your mind. You cannot control someone, like your child, getting into a car accident or not. So what can you control?
**Unknown:** Can you control the fact that, one, you lead by example? You never, as the parent or, or the mentor or the teacher, you never get in the car angry. You never get in the car intoxicated. You show that you never pick up a cell phone, no matter what's going on, while you're driving.
**Unknown:** Do you spend time with them to teach them how to be a better driver? Do you teach them that you have to have your eyes all over? You need to look in the rear view mirror. You need to look to the sides.
**Unknown:** You need to be present. Those are the things that you can offer. You can't control the outcome of car accident or no car accident. You can't control the outcomes of what your kids wanna do with their lives.
**Unknown:** You can't tr- control the outcomes, the health outcomes for your mom, your dad, your aunt, your uncle.So if we could relinquish this idea that we can control, which is all rooted in fear and anxiety, and one, understand you can only contribute in ways that you can, as the example we just talked about with the car accident, or avoiding a car accident, I should say. But also, too, you have to understand that you are robbing people of wisdom, lessons, learnings if you think that you're just going to provide support and a beautiful safety net, sa- safety blanket all the time, and you're not gonna let them experience their own challenge. If someone has poor health, poor health starts in the mind. They have something to learn.
**Unknown:** They have something that they need to work through on their own. You can't do that for them. They need to want to do that. I loved Mel Robbins when she said, "If they wanted to, they would." We don't even accept clients if, if the wife is calling on behalf of the husband, or someone is calling beha- on behalf of their aunt, their uncle, their grandmother, grandfather, mom, their dad.
**Unknown:** That's not how this works. If you are an individual that is seeking out care for yourself, you are the one that's getting on the phone, you're the one asking the questions, you're the one initiating the research, finding the alignment. Like, we're not accepting a client who is trying to be saved by someone else, and that's not because we're assholes. It's because if they wanted it, they'd be on the phone.
**Unknown:** If they wanted it, they'd be taking the initiative. So the moral of the story is, is that providing a lot of support to the-- those that you love around you, or even if you are a director, a leader, a manager, and you're providing too much support, you are actually compromising the integrity of your family, you're compromising the integrity of the company, you're compromising the opportunities for that individual to learn and grow. Sometimes people are going to learn the most through pain. That's everyone's choice.
**Unknown:** Some people like to do it the hard way. They like to learn the hard way because they're tough and they're stubborn, and et cetera. And then some are like, they get the, the first tap on the shoulder. They get the first feedback, and they're like, "Ooh!
**Unknown:** Okay, let me do this differently." And some people get fucking knocked upside the head, and they're still like, "I don't get it. I'm gonna keep doing the same thing." Again, not your journey. But if this is something that you're like, "Oh gosh, I really resonate with this," you need to relinquish the fear around, one, being reje-rejected, because the rejection is leading you down a different path that is necessary, and you need to trust that process. But you also need to pay attention.
**Unknown:** You don't just, "Oh, the universe is redirecting me. Okay." Like, you have to, "Okay, what-- why am I being redirected? Where am I being redirected? How do I increase my awareness to see what opportunities are presenting themselves?" 'Cause if you're not aware, you're not paying attention, you're not present, you're just distracted and busy, then those opportunities are gonna go on by, and you're gonna have a cycle of the same shit that happens over and over until you open your eyes, and you learn what you need to learn, and you get redirected to where you're supposed to go.
**Unknown:** This is... W-when people pay attention, and this is something we usually bring to people's awareness, is that they have the same cycles happen over and over. They get, uh... I-if you wanna call, like, getting dumped or getting divorced, we, we could call that a rejection, or we can call it if you got cheated on or, you know, you could call it a, a abandonment, you could call it betrayal.
**Unknown:** But there are very often these specific themes that reoccur, and some people are on a six-month cycle, and some people are on a one-year cycle, some people are on a ten-year cycle, and it's only a matter of reflection, observation, asking the right questions where you can see this. And when you see it, and you go, "Oh my gosh! Holy crap! You're right.
**Unknown:** That makes sense. Like, I have been reliving this," that awareness then starts the journey to learning and understanding why, and then being able to surrender to the redirection. But if you're just busy, distracted, dopamine hits, social media, who liked me, who didn't, you know, who unfollowed, who followed, you're not gonna ever have the opportunity to see anything for what it is. You will continue to perpetuate your cycle of fear and anxiety, and you will need dopamine hits.
**Unknown:** You will need the greasy shit food, you will need the wine, you will need the martini, you will need the social media gratification. You will need all of that because that's the only thing that's giving you these little mini doses of endorphins, these doses of, "Oh, I feel good, I feel sufficient, I feel relevant, I feel happy," and then it goes away. I lived it. Like, I, I, I don't say this because I'm like, I'm all, all-knowing and all-being.
**Unknown:** I lived it. I lived it for so long. I just didn't know what I didn't know in the moment. Um, you know, I, I think that the journey, the journey has been a long journey, but one, I kept myself so fucking busy for so many years.
**Unknown:** I couldn't see straight or think straight. There... Meditation, that was like a laughingstock. Like, "Oh, yeah, I can't sit still for two minutes.
**Unknown:** I'm bored. Who meditates? Meditation, that's crazy."I literally kept myself so distracted and so busy, and dopamine hit after dopamine hit. I didn't care how much work, how much hustle, how much sacrifice, how much pain was associated with it.
**Unknown:** I needed those dopamine hits. I needed to feel relevant in this world. I needed to feel seen. And this all roots back to really shit programs that came from my younger years.
**Unknown:** And so I lived that cycle for so long, I had no idea or concept of the idea that a rejection was a redirection. It was just rejection, felt really bad. I suck. I'm not good at what I do.
**Unknown:** I... You know, all of that negative self-talk. I, I didn't see it for what it was. You know, I had so many crazy things happen over the duration of my career from, you know, im- like a large group of employees leaving tainted culture to getting sixteen reviews in the matter of twenty-four hours that were trying to destroy my company.
**Unknown:** And I j- I wish in those moments that I was like, "Whoa, you are off track. You are so off track. You are so out of alignment with what you're supposed to be doing that the universe is punching you directly in the face with these extremes to redirect you. Pay the fuck attention, Nicole.
**Unknown:** Pay attention." I didn't have that level of awareness. I didn't even have the time to think it through, so I just felt like shit and got really sad and upset and powered through. And I realized that was to my biggest detriment because the same kind of crap happened, you know, over and over and over again until I finally... A- and I, I wanna say that I was like, "Oh, I see the light," you know, rejection to redirection.
**Unknown:** But I ga- I gave up. I was so exhausted, I was so tired, I was so beaten down. This is why there is an epidemic of burnout. And I just like, I threw in the towel, and that caused me to slow down, and then slowing down comes with the flood of thoughts of replaying, "Why did this happen?
**Unknown:** How did this happen?" And I had to get mentorship, and that mentor and that person that helped me see things that I couldn't see, helped me understand principles that I couldn't understand, and that is what allowed me to be free of this. It allowed me to not be needed anymore. It allowed me to understand what is meditation, what is the purpose of it. You know, I think that meditation is different for every single person, but i- it's the time where I can reflect on things that feel confusing.
**Unknown:** I can sit with something long enough to essentially be guided. Like, yes, no. Is this out of inspiration or is this a decision out of desperation? You know, is this really gonna serve me?
**Unknown:** Is it gonna serve me now or is it gonna serve the long-term vision? You know, th- it... A lot of times we don't give ourselves the time or the grace to process really important questions that dictate our lives. And you know, people are like, "You moved to Italy.
**Unknown:** I would love to do that. I can't do that," and, "I could never do that." And it's like you, you could do whatever you want, but you have to have the utmost clarity, and you also have to know that it's an aligned decision being made out of inspiration and not desperation. I made many decisions out of desperation to save my business, to, you know, make money, to do all of these things, and I will tell you they will kick you in the ass every single time. And they might be a little kick in the ass, they might be a fucking grenade explosion.
**Unknown:** But I now know, again, that was a redirection to say you're going the wrong way. Stop doing the same shit. Do something that serves you, your vision, your values more. And that is really what I'm here to share with you.
**Unknown:** And so I hope you are able to take some inventory on, "Holy crap, am I so busy and so distracted? Am I spending any time asking myself quality questions so I can make quality decisions in my life? Am I anxious because I'm not seeing a re... or I'm not understanding that a rejection is a redirection?
**Unknown:** And am I making most decisions out of desperation, what I need to, I have to, I should, versus out of inspiration, I want to, I get to?" If you start to reframe stressful moments in your life and ask those questions, you will start to have the alignment and the inspiration to make better decisions, more bold decisions that are gonna serve you and serve your family. So I'm gonna leave you guys with that. We thank you so much for being an avid listener of Integrative U Radio, formerly known as Integrative Wellness Radio. We appreciate all of your support.
**Unknown:** We love your comments. Please visit us on social media as well as our website to see all of the fun things happening behind the scenes and the new amazing content and courses that is being rolled out on a monthly basis. We hope to see you there.
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About Integrative You Radio
Integrative You Radio is a root cause medicine and integrative medicine podcast hosted by Dr. Nicole Rivera and Dr. Nick Carruthers — two integrative doctors who build personalized wellness protocols from your DNA, minerals, hormones, gut, and nervous system rather than from a population template. Looking for an integrative doctor who reads your labs together instead of in isolation? This is the show.
Further reading
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