Episode 244
Title: Abandoning Yourself To Serve Others Can Be The Death Of Your Dreams
Host: Dr. Nick Carruthers & Dr. Nicole Rivera
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Transcription:
Dr. Nicole (00:01.014)
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Integrative You Radio. I feel like this is going to end up becoming a bit of a series, but in our previous podcast, we were discussing the concept of manifesting versus working hard. Today, I want to put a slightly different spin on this and highlight the idea of hustle culture and working hard while leading a very busy life—and how this can actually hinder creating your 2.0 self, manifesting your dream life, or fulfilling your desires. This doesn't have to be about manifesting something big; it could even be something as simple as manifesting the vacation you want.
One of the key points I want to emphasize is how easy it is to find ourselves in a situation where giving to others feels great, and it consumes a bulk of our time and energy—leaving no time or energy for ourselves. We often hear that taking care of ourselves is selfish, but is it really?
No matter who you are, at some point, you've likely been told to "put others before yourself," to "serve others." We're taught not to be selfish, but selfless. I spent over a decade as an entrepreneur in the healthcare space, living by that principle.
Dr. Nicole (02:20.142)
I would have never admitted I didn't know how to be selfish, but I spent the majority of my time, energy, and resources giving. For a long time, that filled me up. I was willing to work 17-hour days, seven days a week, and reinvest the majority of my earnings back into growing the business to create a better experience for clients. I did it because it made me feel important and relevant, like I was changing people's lives. That satisfaction allowed me to keep going in this cycle of working hard.
But you can only keep doing that for so long until you hit a point where the reserves are depleted. Then, you find yourself wondering how you can continue.
Dr. Nick (03:09.528)
That brings us back to something we were chatting about a few nights ago. You said something along the lines of, "When you're working from a place of trying to fill your voids rather than fulfilling your inspiration, you can only go so far." You were trying to fill those voids by doing things, but it eventually catches up with you. It's like having a hole in the boat—the more you try to plug it, the more water comes in.
It's not that what you did was bad. You learned so much about yourself and others, but it’s more about whether you're doing things for the right reasons.
Dr. Nicole (04:07.63)
Simultaneously, there was so much resistance in creating some of the things we set out to accomplish. We had business goals and benchmarks, but it felt like one step forward, two steps back. On a personal level, nothing ever seemed to come easy.
There was just an imbalance—a lot of challenge. Challenge can be healthy, but it felt like there was more struggle than necessary, indicating that some things were out of alignment that I wasn't able to see at the time.
Dr. Nick (04:59.7)
Exactly. You're never going to live a one-sided life. There will always be challenges, pain, and suffering. But when you're aligned with your authentic self, it's not that the challenges go away; you just don't care about them as much because you're living congruently with who you are. But if you're not aligned, and you're just trying to fill those voids, every pain, every challenge feels like another obstacle to overcome. It's like constantly putting out fires, unable to move forward because you're stuck dealing with things that don’t serve your higher self.
Dr. Nicole (06:37.03)
It all comes back to asking the question: Why are we working so hard? Why are we willing to give more to others than to ourselves? Is it because we believe we’re not enough, or that we’re not successful enough? A lot of this stems from programming we receive early in life.
We have these voids and tell ourselves, "I don't want to be what I think I am" or "I don't want to be what others think I am." We create from a place of scarcity or bitterness, and while we may achieve some level of success, we'll eventually hit a plateau. That plateau leaves us feeling confused, empty, and unsure of who we are.
The main point of this podcast is: Are you doing, giving, and achieving in order to gain relevance, success, or acknowledgment from others? How can you shift to giving that validation to yourself instead?
Dr. Nicole (09:30.702)
If you want to tap into your ability to manifest, to create the life you dream of—the relationships, the career—it requires you to spend more time filling your own cup. You need to create time and space for yourself to gain clarity, recalibrate your mind, and focus on yourself. The irony is, by giving more to yourself, you’ll actually give a bigger gift to everyone around you.
Dr. Nicole (11:57.746)
For example, David Hawkins, a medical doctor who had a life-altering experience, created the Map of Consciousness. He studied how a doctor's emotional state—whether calm and positive or negative and anxious—directly influenced patient outcomes. Doctors who were in a higher emotional state saw better results for their patients compared to those with a more negative mindset.
This proves that, just like the concept of putting on your oxygen mask first before helping others, the more you take care of yourself, the more effectively you can help others.
Dr. Nicole (12:43.708)
If you abandon yourself to take care of everyone else, you will eventually be capped in terms of success. Whatever that looks like for you, you will hit a limit.
Dr. Nick (13:02.356)
Exactly. It’s not just about what you do, but how you do it. Are you trying to fulfill a void, or are you inspired? The first step is to separate yourself from always helping others and start helping yourself. Once you’ve restored balance, you can learn to serve both yourself and others simultaneously.
Dr. Nicole (15:27.21)
We all want to feel in control, but the only thing you can truly control is yourself. Trying to control others’ outcomes—whether it's their happiness, success, or health—is a violation of the laws of energy and physics.
The more you give to yourself, the more positive ripple effects you’ll create for those around you. This applies to everything, whether it’s your business, family, or relationships. Your energy impacts others, and they are always watching and learning from how you show up.
Dr. Nicole (23:09.426)
Remember, giving is great—being altruistic is wonderful—but only if it doesn’t come from a place of emptiness. If it comes from a need to feel liked, to avoid judgment, or to feel important, it will deplete your energy and leave you stuck at a plateau.
